Contents
Guide
Illustrations by Miran Lipovaa
NO STARCH PRESS
IF HEMINGWAY WROTE JAVASCRIPT.
Copyright 2015 by Angus Croll.
All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or
mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the prior written
permission of the copyright owner and the publisher.
Third printing
26 25 24 23 22
3 4 5 6 7
ISBN-10: 1-59327-585-4
ISBN-13: 978-1-59327-585-3
Publisher: William Pollock
Production Editor: Alison Law
Cover and Interior Illustrations: Miran Lipovaa
Cover Design: Beth Middleworth
Interior Design: Ryan Byarlay and Beth Middleworth
Developmental Editor: Seph Kramer
Copyeditor: Rachel Monaghan
Compositor: Alison Law
Proofreader: Emelie Burnette
For information on distribution, translations, or bulk sales, please contact No Starch Press, Inc. directly:
No Starch Press, Inc.
245 8th Street, San Francisco, CA 94103
phone: 415.863.9900; ;
www.nostarch.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Croll, Angus.
If Hemingway Wrote JavaScript / by Angus Croll.
pages cm
ISBN 978-1-59327-585-3 ISBN 1-59327-585-4
I. Title.
PS3603.R64I38 2014
811'.6dc23
2014031873
No Starch Press and the No Starch Press logo are registered trademarks of No Starch Press, Inc. Other product and
company names mentioned herein may be the trademarks of their respective owners. Rather than use a trademark symbol
with every occurrence of a trademarked name, we are using the names only in an editorial fashion and to the benefit of the
trademark owner, with no intention of infringement of the trademark.
The information in this book is distributed on an As Is basis, without warranty. While every precaution has been taken in
the preparation of this work, neither the author nor No Starch Press, Inc. shall have any liability to any person or entity with
respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the information contained in it.
This is a work of parody. It imitates various authors voices and styles for comic effect.
To Lucy,
George, and
Rosie
Thank you to Miran Lipovaa for his amazing
artwork, which has added so much to this
book, and to Jacob Thornton, who, two years
ago, invited me to write the original blog post
on which this book is based.
Thanks to Andrea Pitzer, author of
The Secret
History of Vladimir Nabokov
(Pegasus Books,
2013), for reviewing the Nabokov section;
Chris Kubica, editor of
Letters to J.D. Salinger,
(University of Wisconsin Press, 2002), for
reviewing the Salinger section; and Joel
Turnbull for reviewing the Joyce section.
Thanks also to Lucy Kaminska and Graeme
Roberts for their contributions. David Foster
Wallaces prime number solution was inspired
by a solution by Mohammad Shahrizal
Prabowo (JavaScript Sieve Of Atkin.js,
https://gist.github.com/rizalp/5508670
).
Thanks to Bill Pollock at No Starch Press for
being persuaded to take on this project against
his better judgment, and to Alison Law, Seph
Kramer, and everyone else at No Starch for
their sterling work and for putting up with my
stubbornness.
And a special thanks to the 28 authors, poets,
and playwrights who feature in this book, and
to Brendan Eich for inventing JavaScript.
Acknoledgments
by Jacob Thornton
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inspired by Edgar Allan Poe
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inspired by William Shakespeare
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inspired by Dylan Thomas
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inspired by Walt Whitman
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Contents
Angus and I came together over a shared
fascination with the outsidethe outside
being any art, literature, or other expression
that runs counter to Silicon Valley.
Around 2012, this coalesced into ##ABC,
an IRC book club that never actually read
anything. Instead, we were something like a
support group, gathering to make sense of our
work, what we were doing, and how we were
doing it, within the world and through the lens
of art and literature.
Some of these conversations later informed
writings on
http://byfat.xxx
posts like
Divya Manians excellent YES PlZ LETS
BURNNNN or my rien ne tient en place.
But none was quite so well received as Anguss
If Hemingway Wrote JavaScript.
Angus managed to perfectly articulate an issue
central to many of us: our antipathy toward The
Good Parts and the general rhetoric of the best
way. And he did so by celebrating JavaScripts
voice and variety, through exploration and
experimentation. He was making the language
Foreword
ours, and it was precisely this ownership that
served to liberate its potential for expression