Nick Adams - Making Friends With Black People
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- Book:Making Friends With Black People
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- Year:2012
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Making Friends With Black People: summary, description and annotation
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White people of America, we know youve got it rough.
Sure, black men and women have been through four hundred years of slavery, oppression, murder, and watching white college students try to dance. But now that its hip to have black friends, white people arent sure how to go about it. And that is a real American tragedy. Thank God Nick Adams is here to help you avoid potential racial pitfalls and successfully make the transition from white to aiight. Now, youll know not to start a conversation with, So, that new Jay-Z album is pretty great, right? Or tell a co-worker he looks just like (fill in blank with name of dark-skinned person who works in the other building.) Youll know that a lot of black people you meet at parties or work functions dont care who played Thelmas husband on Good Times, dont want to discuss the Malcolm X biography you just read and definitely dont want to listen to country music. Ever. Yes, its a good thing Nick is here to explain. Because if were going to live together in peace and harmony, you people are going to need help.
Black People, Briefly Explained. A Q&A with Nick Adams
Q: Nick, what is the correct term to use when addressing my new friends: Black or African-American?
A: Personally, I always liked Afro-American. I liked being named after a 1970s hairdo. But then I wondered why we didnt become the Jheri-curled Americans or High Top Fade Americans.
Q: Nick, if black people can use the N word as a term of endearment, can I, a white person, do so?
A: No. I dont care if you have your hair in cornrows while wearing a Phat Farm t-shirt at an R. Kelly concert. Black people dont get to be president, and white people dont get to use the word nigger. Can we just call it even now?
Q: Nick, Id like to try slang. Is that okay?
A: When you guys start using our words, thats when we know its time for us to stop using them. Every time a white, middle-aged math teacher calls a student, dog, black people all over the country are notified via email. Believe it.
Q: Nick, surely you have to agree that Eminem is a hip-hop visionary?
A: Lets try this one more time: Kurtis Blow, RUN-DMC, LL Cool J, Rakim, Chuck D, KRS-One, Tupac, Notorious B.I.G., Nas, Common, Mos Def, Bitch!
Sure, black men and women have been through four hundred years of slavery, oppression, murder, and watching white college students try to dance. But now that its hip to have black friends, white people arent sure how to go about it. And that is a real American tragedy. Thank God Nick Adams is here to help you avoid potential racial pitfalls and successfully make the transition from white to aiight. Now, youll know not to start a conversation with, So, that new Jay-Z album is pretty great, right? Or tell a co-worker he looks just like (fill in blank with name of dark-skinned person who works in the other building.) Youll know that a lot of black people you meet at parties or work functions dont care who played Thelmas husband on Good Times, dont want to discuss the Malcolm X biography you just read and definitely dont want to listen to country music. Ever. Yes, its a good thing Nick is here to explain. Because if were going to live together in peace and harmony, you people are going to need help.
Black People, Briefly Explained. A Q&A with Nick Adams
Q: Nick, what is the correct term to use when addressing my new friends: Black or African-American?
A: Personally, I always liked Afro-American. I liked being named after a 1970s hairdo. But then I wondered why we didnt become the Jheri-curled Americans or High Top Fade Americans.
Q: Nick, if black people can use the N word as a term of endearment, can I, a white person, do so?
A: No. I dont care if you have your hair in cornrows while wearing a Phat Farm t-shirt at an R. Kelly concert. Black people dont get to be president, and white people dont get to use the word nigger. Can we just call it even now?
Q: Nick, Id like to try slang. Is that okay?
A: When you guys start using our words, thats when we know its time for us to stop using them. Every time a white, middle-aged math teacher calls a student, dog, black people all over the country are notified via email. Believe it.
Q: Nick, surely you have to agree that Eminem is a hip-hop visionary?
A: Lets try this one more time: Kurtis Blow, RUN-DMC, LL Cool J, Rakim, Chuck D, KRS-One, Tupac, Notorious B.I.G., Nas, Common, Mos Def, Bitch!
Nick Adams: author's other books
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Table of Contents
Acknowledgments
To my beautiful wife, Tasha. Thanks for your support, input and laughs. And the sex.
To my agent, Claudia Menza. Without your foresight, none of this would have happened.
To my editor, Karen Thomas, and all the fine folks at Kensington Books. Words on a page do not a book make.
A portion of the authors proceeds for this book will be donated to the Lupus Foundation of America. For more information, visit http://www.lupus.org/ .
Conclusion
S o what have we learned? Weve learned that an unknown stand-up comedian had a lot of time on his hands while he was living in Tucson, Arizona. Weve learned that the Icelandic people are fucking disgusting. Most importantly weve learned that you apparently had $14 to waste. (Seriously, you bought this instead a paperback copy of A Tale of Two Cities ? What were you thinking?)
Hopefully, youve found this book to be humorous. If so, then my primary mission has been accomplished. If you found yourself thinking about any of the aforementioned issues or ideas for the first time or even in a new light, then thats gravy. Americans are a long way from taking part in an open, honest dialogue on race. Maybe if we can laugh and joke about itwith no malice in our heartswell at least make some progress.
Chapter 1
The N Word
I should make it clear that I am, of course, referring to the word nigger. Lest you think I would begin a book about race relations with a lengthy essay on Neanderthals or necrophilia. I figured that if I was going to write about race, I might as well start by tilting at the biggest windmill in sight. White readers, I should warn you right now that if reading this particular epithet makes you uncomfortable, youre going to be in for a rough ride for the next few pages. In order to get you used to seeing it, I thought I would go ahead and desensitize you a bit. Feel free to say it out loud. This is one of the very few times you will be allowed to do so.
Nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger.
There. You should be pretty numb by now. Lets continue. I doubt that any single word in the history of my people has caused more concern than the word nigger. To fully understand the word, we must examine its history. It is, of course, derived from the Latin niggerentis meaning he who is able to find the beat. According to historians, it was first used in its modern incarnation in 1786. Although some scholars disagree on the exact time and place, there is a consensus over the circumstance. Hiram Wordsworth, a young schoolteacher, was visiting relatives in Maryland when he literally bumped into a free black man. Despite the fact that Mr. Wordsworth was clearly at fault, he lashed out. Nigger! Watch where you are going. The black man, an elderly gentleman named Benjamin Banneker, was dumbfounded. Mr. Banneker, a legendary man of science and mathematics, was so affected by this event that when he was asked by George Washington to join the team of surveyors who were to lay out the plans for Washington, D.C., he insisted on a condition. That he be allowed to allocate an area of the city for people of color. Banneker wrote to Washington:
... we have long been looked upon with an eye of contempt; and we have long been considered brutish rather than human, and scarcely capable of mental endowments. Not only do I believe that all Negros should be made free, I submit that we should be allotted an area of land in every city within this union. These /ands will preferably be /ocated in southwardly or union. These lands will preferably be located in southwardly or easterly areas of these cities, far away from any major body of water and out of view of any mountains. I believe this will inspire Negroes to act as a positive representative of these neighborhoods and live to their fullest extent.
Thats right. Benjamin Banneker was not only the first nigger, he was the first to suggest that black people rep their hoods to the fullest. Now, lets fast forward into the future by a few hundred million niggers. Unless, that is, you thought that all of that Benjamin Banneker stuff was serious. If thats the case, you need to close the book, turn your funny bone on, open the book and start again. I mean who would fall for something like that? A black man helping design our nations capital? Thats crazy talk. Next thing you know youll be telling me that a black man invented the stop light and the gas mask too.
To me, the most interesting thing about the usage of the word nigger is that the outrage over who uses it seems to have shifted during my generations lifetime. Im thirty-one. My parents and grandparents are the ones who struggled for years to define themselves on their own terms. Accordingly, they came to reject the derogatory epithets that white America often hurled at them. The most popular, of course, was nigger. (Personally, Ive always felt that spear chucker and Alabama porch monkey were more poetic, but they never quite caught on.) Once polite white society understood that they could no longer use that termin public at leastolder black Americans shifted their frustrations toward an unlikely group. Young black Americans.
The most popular culprits were the rappers and Def Jam stand-up comedians who used the word unabashedly in their routines and songs. Where the older generation refrained from using the word in mixed company, the younger generation had no problems using it on stage, on screen and within earshot of anyone who was listening. When this intraracial rift surfaced, my first thought was, Where the hell do they think we got it from? Its not like we learned the word while watching The Electric Company on television.
Nuh
Igger
Nigger
Its not like the See n Say we played with as a child had a spot between the pig and the cow that explained how to use the word. The homeboy says, Nigga!!!
Its not like we went off to kindergarten and heard our teacher say, OK, class. Are you ready to sing our favorite song? Theeeee niggers on the court jump up and down, up and down, up and down. The niggers on the court jump up and down... and slam the ball through the hoop.
We didnt invent the word nigger. We learned the word from them. We heard it in the kitchen. We heard it in the living room. We heard it in the car. Of course we wanted to use it when we grew up. What did they expect us to do, treat the word like we did religion and just forget about it once we grew up and moved away from home? This is a disturbing trend when it comes to intergenerationaldid I just make up a word?relationships. Older generations tend to view history through rose-colored glasses. Instead of being honest about the way things were, they put themselves up on a pedestal while holding the activities and achievements of subsequent generations in low regard. Its just like Tom Brokaw running off at the mouth about the greatest generation that came of age during the depression, fought WWII, and built modern America. Of course, he conveniently omits that whole institutionalized racism, sexism, McCarthyism thing. And lets not forget the Japanese-American internment camps, the Native Americans being taken away from home and sent to schools where they were beaten if they spoke their tribal language, the immigrants who were considered feebleminded because they were poor, dirty, and couldnt speak English. You have to be a special kind of jackass to call a group of people who wouldnt share a water fountain with another man because of the color of his skin the greatest generation any society has ever produced. So, I guess Im saying it. Tom Brokaw is a jackass. Similarly, you have to be pretty foolhardy to use a word as powerful as nigger in front of young children and then expect them not to wield it like a samurai sword once theyve grown up.
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