Donna Andersen - Love Fraud--How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan (Abridged edition)

What others are saying about LoveFraud

Donnas ability to recover from a devastatingmarriage to a sociopath and to make that journey one of inspirationand hope is truly a gift that she gives to all of us who have beeninvolved in these frustrating and toxic relationships. Her tenacityis amazing! Thank you, Donna, for continuing to work tirelessly inan effort to bring the term and the meaning of sociopath into theawareness of everyone around the world!

Mary Jo Buttafuoco

Author of Getting it Through My ThickSkullWhy I stayed, what I learned, and what millions of peopleinvolved with sociopaths need to know

Donna Andersen takes her reader on a verypersonal journey through an intimate relationship with a sociopath.This is not a book to be read for research or pleasure. It is acritical book to be experienced in the manner of having a closefriend stop by for tea who knows the shocking and isolating pain oftrusting a person without a conscience. When you need to explorethe experience, your friend is there with empathy, guidance, andfinally a spiritual awakening that enriches from the awful momentsof life. Donna Andersen opens her heart and soul as a friend does.The reader comes away wiser and comforted, knowing that there is abigger purpose to this life, and alert to the subtle traps thatawait any of us from the charm, wit, and magnetism of thesociopaths among us.

Dr. Karin Huffer

Author of Overcoming the Devastation ofLegal Abuse Syndrome

Love Fraud

How marriage to a sociopathfulfilled my spiritual plan

By Donna Andersen

Copyright 2012 Donna Andersen

Published by Anderly Publishing at Smashwords

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Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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This story is true. Every incident thatI relate is as I experienced it. The story, however, includesclaims and promises made by my ex-husband, James Alwyn Montgomery,originally from Sydney, Australia. Although I accurately recountwhat he said to me, his statements may not be true.

Thats because, in my opinion, James AlwynMontgomery is a pathological liar. A sociopath.

Most people do not know what the wordsociopath meanshardened criminal? Deranged serial killer? Theseare cultural misconceptions, more Hollywood fiction than fact. Inreality, sociopaths are social predators. Sometimes they commitserious crimes, but often they only cheat on romantic partners,assault their spouses, lie to family members, abuse drugs andalcohol, steal from employers, swindle investors and defraud creditcard companies.

According to experts, people with antisocialpersonality disorderthe clinical diagnosismake up 1 percent to 4percent of the population. This is a huge numberof the 314 millionpeople living in the United States, 3 million to 12 million aresociopaths. In a world population of more than 7 billion, there maybe 70 million to 280 million sociopaths.

Most sociopaths live freely among us, and notjust in bad neighborhoods. Sociopaths roam all communities andall segments of society. They are male, female, rich, poor, allages, all races, all religions, all education levels, alldemographic groups. Their deceptive and manipulative behaviorcauses confusion and chaos wherever they go. Although the actionsof sociopaths are immoral if not criminal, many are never arrestedfor anything. They may hold long-term careers in every imaginablefield. They occupy many corner offices, although employees wouldprobably describe them not as inspired leaders, but as ruthless,unethical bullies.

Anyone who becomes involved with a sociopathis likely to experience emotional, psychological, physical orfinancial devastationor all of the above. In this book, I tellwhat happened to me and other women that James Montgomerysnaggedhe was a prolific con artist. Some do not want to be named.Any name in this book followed by an asterisk [*] when it is firstmentioned is a pseudonym.

But this is not only our story. The twisted,parasitic behavior James Montgomery exhibited, I have learned, istypical of a sociopath. Because of my website, Lovefraud.com,thousands of other victims of sociopaths have contacted me. Theirstories sound a lot like mine.

Many victims are intelligent, caring andupstanding citizens, yet they were unwittingly sucked intodevastating dramas. The statement I hear most often is, I neverknew such evil existed. It does, and this book describes what theevil looks like.

The next thing I hear from Lovefraud readersis a question, Why did this happen to me?

I asked that questionemphatically,vehemently. I am an honest, forthright and competent person. Ididnt deserve to have my hopes and dreams crushed. I didntdeserve to be humiliated. Yet it happened.

Seeking to find out why James Montgomerycrashed through my life, I embarked on a journey that took me notonly deep within myself, but into my relationship with God and theuniverse. So, intertwined with this story of betrayal is a parallelstory of personal and spiritual growth.

My run-in with James Montgomery, it turnedout, had a larger, divine purpose. The experience, in all itsaffliction, was lifetimes in the making and fulfilled my ownspiritual plan.

I didnt know this as it was happening. Ididnt know it as I poured my anguish and confusion into myjournal, trying to fathom why, in my search for love and happiness,my life was torn to shreds. I prayed for answers and guidance frommy higher self, God, anyone who was listening. Sometimes Ivociferously demanded answers.

I got themalthough they werent what Iexpected.

Keeping the candles lit was difficult. Thewind on the deserted beach was more than a breeze, snuffing out thefour small flames even though they were sheltered deep inside glassluminaries. Thankfully, the wind wasnt strong enough to whip upthe sand, so our summer solstice ceremony could continue.

Five women sat in a circle around thesometimes-burning candles. It was nighttime, but it wasnt trulydark. The moon created a sparkling silver path on the ocean and agentle glow on land. Much brighter light was generated by AtlanticCitys casinos. Although they were more than a mile down theBoardwalk, the beachfront towers were totally illuminated by manywell-placed floodlights. And the lights never went out in AtlanticCity, New Jersey.

Usually, our small group met in the suburbanhome of one of our members. By June 20, 1996, the night of oursolstice ceremony, I had been attending the gatherings for morethan a year. My participation in the circle could be classifiedunder the general heading of New Age Experiences. I was adilettante, a dabbler in the realm of positive thinking-universalenergy-spiritual guidance. Did I have this stuff figured out? No.But every once in awhile it seemed to offer a reasonableexplanation for the issues in my life. And it usually made me feelbetter.

What was the problem? I was alone.

I was a poster girl for the dilemma ofsuccessful working women of the 90s. I was professional, talented,organized, hardworking and thorough. I had a closet full of suits,a Rolodex full of contacts and even pitched for my own softballteam. Still, I did not consider myself complete.

The question of the decade was, Sure you canrun a business. But can you get a date?

***

I came to Atlantic City in June 1978, shortlyafter graduating summa cum laude from Syracuse University. Mydegree was in magazine journalism, and I landed a job as the firsteditor of Atlantic City Magazine.