Donna Andersen - Red Flags of Love Fraud: 10 Signs Youre Dating a Sociopath

"Through careful study, research and painfulpersonal experience, Donna Andersen eloquently outlines anddescribes in easy-to-understand, straight-talk language thebehaviors and warning signs of the sociopath. For everyone on thedating scene, in the business world, or involved in a relationship,this book is a must read."

Dr. Fran Walfish

Beverly Hills psychotherapist and author ofThe Self-Aware Parent

"Most people learn about sociopaths the hardwayafter their lives have been destroyed by one. This book can armyou with the insights to see through their charm, seduction andmanipulation. Read it and learn the red flagsbefore it's toolate!"

Dr. George K. Simon Jr.

Author of In Sheep's Clothing: Understandingand Dealing with Manipulative People and CharacterDisorder

"This is the pivotal guide for anyone who isdating, whether via the Internet or social events. Donna Andersenteaches you how to recognize the telltale signs that the person maybe a fraud. She is the nation's expert after living her ownnightmare, married to a sociopath who almost destroyed her life.Red Flags of Love Fraud is the only resource I would endorse to mythousands of students globally."

David Wygant

Internationally renowned dating and relationshipcoach, author of Naked: How to Find the Perfect Partner byRevealing Your True Self.

Red Flags of Love Fraud

10 signs you're dating asociopath

By Donna Andersen

Copyright 2012 Donna Andersen

Published by Anderly Publishing at Smashwords

Discover othertitles by Donna Andersen at Smashwords.com

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"It felt like magic to me," says a woman whomwe'll call "Charlotte" about the dreamy beginning of herrelationship with "Anthony." "It happened very quickly and I letit. "He met all of my needs; it was like a fairy tale."

Charlotte and Anthony met at the gym in anexclusive country club. Anthony told Charlotte that he had multipleuniversity degrees, and had also worked as an underwater weldingengineer. He struck Charlotte as strong and protective.

Charlotte, a single mother, was making it on herown but all she ever wanted was a complete family. Anthony seemedlike the man who could make it happen. He was charming. They sharedthe same values. Judging by all the calls, texts and emails shereceived, Anthony adored her, and the sex was extraordinary. Heswept Charlotte off her feet.

They married, but after a year, the bubbleburst. Everything Anthony had told Charlotte was a lie. He didn'thave all those university degrees he hadn't even graduated fromhigh school. He was never a welding engineer, and he certainlydidn't almost die on a welding job, as he claimed. "He exaggeratedstories to get his way; he abused and killed animals; he was athief," Charlotte said. Anthony cheated on her and threatened herlife.

Charlotte kicked him out. The marriage cost hermore than $50,000, and a massive amount of heartache.

"Allen" and "Jocelyn" met on a popular Internetdating site. "Everything was fast, exciting and she made me feel asif I were the most important thing in her life," Allen remembered.He liked Jocelyn's spontaneity, charm, intelligence, sex appeal andcaring nature. Allen was going through hard times a separationand divorce, while caring for a sick parent. Jocelyn supported himas he dealt with his problems, and assured him of a new beginningwith her.

Jocelyn asked Allen about his hopes and dreams,and promised to make them come true. She was in constantcommunication through phone, text and email, although she wasevasive when questioned about her past. Allen had a gut feelingthat something was amiss, but ignored it, chalking up hisapprehensions to stress from all his other worries. He also ignoredthe misgivings of his family and friends, and didn't even listen toJocelyn's family and friends, who thought she was phony anduncaring.

Allen and Jocelyn were together for a few years,but the honeymoon period was over after four months. By the timeAllen got out of the relationship, he had lost his job and hishome, he had been physically abused, and the stress had made himill. He estimated that the relationship with Jocelyn cost him wellover $100,000 in fact, she stole money right out of his bankaccount.

After her husband of 23 years passed away,"Barbara" met "Luis." "It was wonderful," she said. "I thought hewas my forever. He was respectable, caring and loving, showing morelove for me than anyone ever had. He said faith had brought ustogether, and we were meant to be forever."

As with Charlotte and Allen, Barbara's romancewas a whirlwind. Luis shared her beliefs and interests, andlavished attention upon her. She, too, though, felt somethingwasn't quite right. "I let it go," she said. "I thought it was justme being paranoid." Even when Luis admitted legal problems, heblamed them on others and claimed that he got the raw end of thedeal. Barbara accepted his explanations.

Barbara and Luis married, but it didn't lastvery long. Luis picked fights and left for weekends, or even weeksat a time. Then he called and begged Barbara to take him back. Atfirst, she did. Later, however, she figured out that Luis startedthe arguments purposely so he could leave. He went to parties andstayed with other women or men. Barbara caught a sexuallytransmitted disease from her husband. She became anxious anddepressed, and thought about suicide. Luis, too, threatened suicide although he also, Barbara said, "offered to kill a girl I caughthim with if I would take him back."

The three cases that you just read are true. Ihave learned that they are typical of what I call love fraud.

Love fraud is the intentional exploitation of anindividual through manipulating emotions in a personalrelationship. The exploitative relationship is frequently romantic,but can also be between family members, friends and associates. Therelationship can take place in real life, or exist only throughcommunications media phone calls, email, text messages, evensnail mail. The people who engage in love fraud are sociopaths.

Like Charlotte and Barbara, I married asociopath. His name was James Alwyn Montgomery, and although I methim not far from my home in the United States, he was originallyfrom Sydney, Australia.

What I remember most about the beginning of myrelationship with Montgomery is how he pursued me.

He'd posted an ad in the America Online romancesection this was back in 1996, when AOL ruled the Internet. Hesounded much more intriguing than most men a former Green Beret;a background in advertising, TV and movies; now negotiating withlocal movers and shakers for his next big business venture. Thereason for the ad? His wife had died, and his "grieving wascomplete."

Reading Montgomery's claims now, one couldwonder why anyone specifically me would believe them. But thiswas before we all knew that online profiles can be full of lies. Itwas before I knew that sociopaths did not necessarily look likeCharles Manson, with long scraggly hair and a swastika etched intohis forehead. And it was before I knew that someone who proclaimedhe was so head-over-heels in love with me could be lying.