Marla Martenson - Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker

Martensons irresistible wit is not to bemissed.

Kyra Davis, Lust, Loathing, and a Little LipGloss

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A fun, wry, and truly eye-opening look intoreal-life world of matchmaking.

Joanne Rendell, The Professors WivesClub

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Marlas quick wit will have you rolling onthe floor.

Megan Castran, International You TubeQueen

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Imagine this: a professional matchmakergiving us a witty, often hilarious, insight into the fascinatingunderbellies of dating and making it in Beverly Hills.Priceless.

F. G. Gerson, 21 Steps to Happiness

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Sharper than a Louboutin stiletto,Martensons book delivers an insiders look at the

image-obsessed world of Los Angelesdating.

Nadine Haobsh, Beauty Confidential andConfessions of a Beauty Addict

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I absolutely love this book! A witty, smartread for anyone whos ever wondered what the other half is reallythinking.

Lisa Daily, DAYTIME TV dating coach andauthor of Stop Getting Dumped

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2010 by Marla Martenson

All rights reserved, including the right toreproduce this work in any form whatsoever, without permission inwriting from the publisher, except for brief passages in connectionwith a review.

Disclaimer: This is a true story and thecharacters are real, as are the events. However, names,descriptions, and locations have been changed, and any similarityof the characters in this story to a known or living individual ispurely coincidental. Some stories have been altered and or combinedfor story-telling purposes. Time has been condensed for narrativepurposes, but the overall chronology is an accurate depiction ofthe authors experience.

Cover design by Mark Clements and JaneHagaman

Bettie Youngs Books are distributedworldwide. If you are unable to order this book from your localbookseller or online or Espresso, you may order directly from thepublisher.

BETTIE YOUNGS BOOK PUBLISHERS

www.BettieYoungsBooks.com

info@Bettieyoungsbooks.com

ISBN 978-0-9843081-0-1

Library of Congress Control Number:2010900644

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

First, all my love and thanks to mi amor,Adolfo. You fill my life with love and make life an adventure andalways excitingas well as giving me plenty of material for mybooks!

To my wonderful mother, the one and onlyDonna Reed, park angel who looks out for everyone in the hood.Thanks for supporting me in all of my dreams to be a writer and forsaving me from those times when I wanted to become anything fromthe fastest tap dancer in the world to a ventriloquist.

A million thanks arent enough to my friendand mentoramong other thingsBettie Youngs. You have changed mylife in so many ways. I know that the fun is just beginning.Special thanks to wonder woman Peggy Lang, my fabulous editor.Thanks to Clayton Stroope of Thriving Ivory for letting me use thelyrics from Flowers for a Ghost, and for your amazing voice comingout of my iPod, uplifting me on my morning hikes in my attempt towhittle myself back down to a size two.

And thanks to all of my friends, family, andreaders for your love and support.

A chichi decoratorcame up with the color of one of the walls in my Beverly Hillsoffice by matching paint swatches to the silky dark chocolateGodiva heart-shaped ganaches that sit in a crystal dish alongsideTeuscher Irish Cream truffles, and chocolate cordials of cherriessoaked in black port and wrapped in gold foil. We do pamper ourclients. I mention this so youll know that there are many aspectsof my job that I absolutely adore. Such niceties distract me fromfantasies of ... dismemberment.

Hi Marla,

Scott, here. Im so glad I joined your datingagency; I can see this is going to be verrrrry interesting....Hey, the gal you lined me up with last evening was gorgeous, but Iwould really like my matches to be a 10 or, ideally, a 10+. And thegal needs to back up her beauty with an income of her own and herown living quarters. No roommate situations. I dont waste my timewith someone who doesnt live up to my expectationsyou know, longlegs, firm small butt, double-Ds, thin arms, blonde hair.

SCL

Ahem.

Dear Scott,

To paraphrase the deathless sentiments of RoseanneBarr, Ill get my wand. Oh, wait, its in the repair shop, utterlydepleted. Im having to make do with our back-up magic lamp, butthe genie keeps laughing and muttering about peace in the MiddleEast being an easier request as he disappears in a puff of smoke.Hes such a joker. But since you have so much to offer, itshouldnt be too difficult to find the woman of your fantasiessince all the 10+s in our database say that a man willing to ploughup his bald scalp with those cute little tufts of implanted hair isa real turn-on. And most gals dont mind giving up theirstilettos to avoid towering over a man of your stature.

Of course, I dont write this. This is myfirst email of the day at Double D Dating Service here in BeverlyHills where Im the head matchmaker. Double D is not the companysreal name, as you may have guessed, just my own special pet namefor it. I dash off a breezy professional response to Scott as ifdiplomacy were my mother tongue.

Dear Scott,

Im so glad you enjoyed your evening with a gorgeouswoman. A new and interesting experience, huh? Well, we do have anever-growing list of many stunning women, eager to meet you. Illget back to you later in the day with another name.

Marla

Something is nagging at me. Oh, myconscience. Its not bothering me at all about the direct lie:eager to meet you. Ive left in a little dig. I change that onesnarky line about dating gorgeous women being a new experience tosimply An interesting experience indeed, and hit send. Nextemail.

Dear Marla,

I really found Sandy to be attractive, fun,intelligent, and cultured. We had a great time. The only thing is,I am wondering if she has a big butt. She was wearing one of thosepuffy dresses. She says that she does all kinds of activities likedance classes, working out at the gym, and hiking, but I just cantbe sure how big her butt is. Is there any way you can let me knowif its big or if the dress she was wearing just gave thatillusion?

Joseph

Joe, dont you know that when we bring awoman into our service, it means that we have carefully inspectedher butt from every angle and therefore certify it is also a 10along with the rest of her? Im so glad you asked though, becauseyou must never ever consider dating a woman with flesh on her butt.Oversized curves belong above the waist only. Makes perfect sense.How could nature have created such a serious design flaw?

Sigh. I find it so comforting to type outwhat I truly want to say to some of these clods before writing theresponse I must write. God forbid Gary should ever see this stuff.I am, after all, good at what I do. Pictures of my successes hangon the chocolatecolored wall above fresh pale pink hydrangeas: twoof happy couples at their respective posh wedding receptions andseveral more couples on honeymoons at places like Bellagio on LakeComo in Italy, or snorkeling with humpback whales off Vavau,Tonga, in the South Pacific, or skiing in Aspen. I do still believein lovethe soul-mate kind of love. I think deep down, the Scottsand Josephs do too. They just rarely know it.

Dear Joseph,

Sandys dress probably created the wrong illusion.Call her for another date; I think you will be pleased to find thatin addition to being beautiful, intelligent, and a most remarkablewoman, shes also fit and trim.