Jason Ellis - Im Awesome: One Mans Triumphant Quest to Become the Sweetest Dude Ever

ONE MANS TRIUMPHANT

QUEST TO BECOME THE

SWEETEST DUDE EVER

Jason Ellis

with Mike Tully

I dedicate this book to Stevie DEEBS Ellis,
my mother, Lorraine, my wife, Andrea,
and my kids, Devin and Tiger

Frontside Ollie, 1996 in Australia.

Photograph by Mike OMeally

Im in Anaheim, California. Backstage, at the House of Blues.

Ive been a professional athlete for half my life. But the last few months have been the hardest, most ridiculous training Ive ever put myself through. Cutting weight. Starving myself. Sprinting, every day, even though I have arthritis in my ankles and my knees from skateboarding. Breaking my nose sparring, then going right back to the gym the next morning and getting punched in the nose again.

And now Im standing behind the curtain, waiting for my introduction. My first pro MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) fight. Its Ryan Shecklers charity event. All of pro skateboarding is here.

One time, back in Australia, there was a party after a skate demo, and a fight broke out. A real bad one. Everyone rushed over to check it out. I headed for the door immediately. I didnt wanna watch. I couldnt.

I hear the crowd laughing at the intro video I filmed yesterday. Laughing at the funny comedian guy everybodys known for the last twenty years.

I wasnt sure they still knew I existed.

One time Tas Pappas wanted a fight. Me and Tas are two of the only skaters that made it out of Australia. Hes a scrappy little guy. He was begging me to kick his ass. And I could have. Easy. Nobody understood why I didnt. I never fought. Even when I was wasted.

My intro music blasts through the speakers. Metallica, of course.

My buddy Mayhem applies Vaseline to my face. King Mo is with me, too, smiling like a little kid. Mo just finished bashing my gloves, over and over. Slamming them in a door backstage. At this point, the padding is nonexistent. If someone did that to my gloves, then Im pretty sure someone did the same thing to the other guys gloves, too.

And if thats the case, the first guy to touch the other guys face is guaranteed a knockout.

I dont know how many times I saw my dad punch another man. I can still see so many of them in my mind. My father punching some dude so hard the guys face changes right in front of me.

Permanently.

Andrea is a few rows back, pregnant with our second kid. My son, Tiger.

Andrea was scared I was gonna get hurt in the ring. Or worse. Naturally. She calmed downwe both calmed downwhen I reminded her, theres no way this guy is gonna hurt me worse than Ive hurt myself.

Sal Masekelafrom the X Games, and from E!is doing his best Bruce Buffer impression on the ring announcements.

Sal saw me do some shit, back when we used to be roommates on skate tours. One time, in Germany I think, after chugging absinthe, I came back to the hotel in tears, fucked out of my mind. I was hysterical, because I saw some chick at a brothel getting made fun of really bad, and I didnt do anything to stop it. So I was crying to Sal, blathering on about what a sad world we live in. About how I didnt stick up for her. How I didnt act like a man.

The bell rings. Here we go.

There is no way skater Jason would be in a cage fight. No way any skater would.

I am thirty-seven years old.

This is good-bye to skateboarding.

Good-bye to everything.

The first thing I can remember is eating a cigarette, when I was maybe three years old. A whole one. Unlit. I bit into it and started chewing. I have no idea why. Cigarettes dont taste very good, as you might imagine. They burn. I remember trying to get orange juice. Pouring it in my mouth. All over my face. Desperately trying to get rid of that taste.

It was early in the morning, and everyone else was passed out. There must have been a party the night before. Seems like in those days there was always a party the night before. I was on little kid time, up early and walking around, all by myself. I was by myself a lot when I was little. I dont think too many people were really keeping an eye me. Even then, I remember thinking it was a little weird to be left on my own so often. Im a parent now. I have two kids. And now, I think it was really weird.

My dad was twenty when I was born, near Melbourne, Australia. My mum was sixteen. They got divorced a couple years after that. Neither of them was the most responsible person on the planet. My dad had a crazy temper. He got into fights a lot, oftentimes for little to no reason. And after my parents split up, Mum hung out with a series of extremely shady dudes. With all the things she was doing back then, and the people she surrounded herself with, sometimes I cant believe my mother is even still alive. She was a drinker. Both my parents were. I never saw my mum do drugs, but her boyfriends did, in front of me. So who knows what she might have been up to, besides the alcohol. I definitely saw her get extremely wasted. Put it that way.

Not to say that nobody loved me. I think I was a loved child, for sure. I think my father really loved me. And my mother loves me incredibly. All the parties, the drinking, the drugseverything I was exposed toit wasnt like either of them was trying to neglect their child. Everyone was doing the best they could.

But there was a lot of craziness. One time, when I was about ten, my mother and one of her boyfriends went to a party. For whatever reason, they ended up taking me with them. Im sure this guy was not too pumped about having a kid around cock-blocking him all night. All the adults were in the back of the house, in the kitchen. I was watching TV in the living room. By myself again. It was about 2:00 A.M. , and I was tired, and I told my mum that I wanted to go home. She told me to wait, so I went and watched some more TV. And then her boyfriend came in. He tried being friendly. Look, Jay, he said, if youre tired, I can give you something. Something to keep you awake. Its pretty good. You just cant tell your mum about it. I told him no. I never liked the dude.

A son always knows.

My mum came to check on me a bit later, and I ratted him out instantly. He tried to give me drugs! And he told me not to tell you! There was a big fight, and then we left. I couldnt wait to tell my dad. I never saw my mums boyfriend again after that. My dad wasnt around for a while, either. I think he was trying to find the dude. I remember thinking at the time that there was a definite possibility that my dad would end that guy.

To be honest, I didnt think much of it at the time. It was only when I got older that I realized what a big deal it was to offer a child crystal meth. My mother says she saw her old boyfriend not too long ago, and he looked really badno teeth and shit like that. Until she saw him, I believed my father might have killed him.

There were always all these weird losers around my mum, lined up, trying to fuck her. Even as a kid I knew what was going on. I hated them. One time, me and my friend were rolling a joint, and one of these guys grabbed all the weed, put it in his mouth, and ate it. You guys are too young to smoke weed, he said. There was a lot of stupid shit like that. Another time, there were all these drunk guys out in the garage. Just hanging out. Doing nothing. I was there, too. My mum was in the house. I was doing chin-ups, trying to see how many I could do, and this one dude put his hands over my hands so I couldnt get down. I started freaking out. I was crying. Get off me! I was probably ten. My dog came to my rescue and bit him, and then he kicked my dog. I ran into the house and told my mum. I was telling the dude, You better get out of here. Im gonna call my dad, and then well see how tough you are. He barked right back at me. Fuck you, ya little shit! He actually got into a verbal altercation with a ten-year-old.