Carol Denker - Autumn Romance: Stories and Portraits of Love after 50

Copyright 2009 and 2015 by Carol Denker

2009: each photograph is copyrighted by thephotographer who took it.

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproducedin whole or in part in any form or by any means, electronic ormechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by anyinformation storage and retrieval system now known or hereafterinvented, without written permission from the publisher.

Published by A-Shirley Publishing

To order print copies of the book, visit www.autumnlove.org

267.210.3101

Design by Sierra Skidmore

Heart Leaf design by Jon Barthmus

www.skidmutro.com

Photographs edited by Rodney Atienza. www.rjaphoto.com

Cover photograph by Keith Angelitis. www.angelstudios.org

Photographs by various photographers (See ThePhotographers)

Cataloging-in-Publication

1. Love in middle age. 2. Love in old age. 3.Man-woman relationships. 4. Older couples. 5. Middle-agedpersonsPsychology. 6. Middle-aged personsSexual behavior. 7.Older peoplePsychology. 8. Older peopleSexual behavior. I.Title.

Smashwords Edition

Licensing Notes

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Its been a long time since I sat down withSierra and Travis Skidmore and saw their eyes light up when Idescribed my vision. That was the beginning of a journey alongwhich I always felt Sierras support. I thank her for her tirelessefforts, her patience and her perfect blend of professionalism andpassion.

A million thankful appreciations go out toall the photographers, who brought the vision alive. What aprivilege it has been to work with you. Thank you, Rodney Atienzaespecially, for taking the photos to the next level with yourexpert eye for composition and vision for beautifulphotographs.

Bonnie Charleston-Stevens, muchgratitude.

Nadyne Missler shared her considerablecourage and wisdom every step of the way. Big thanks to interns,Eli Pery and Jasmine Miller, and to Helene Broitman, who connectedeverything from the beginning. A huge thank you to Win Akeley, inwhose home I completed this book. Thank you to Amy Shelf for yourgenerous legal assistance and for going out of your way to helpfind more couples. And to Amy Shelf and Amanda Pushinsky for yourloving support. Im grateful to Sharon Good and everyone else whohas helped me along this journey too numerous to name.

I want to thank Michael Ellis, Darcy Nybo,Diana Rico and Nan Schnitzler, for their excellent editorialassistance when I needed it most. Any mistakes in this book aremine alone.

Above all, I want to gratefully acknowledgeall the couples who opened their lives to me. It has been one ofthe most thrilling experiences of my life, to know you and to hearyour stories. You are every single one in my heart forever. Andthats the truth. C.D.

A heart that loves is always young.

Greek proverb

Four years ago, daydreaming at work, I hadthis thought: You always see pictures of younger couples, butnowhere do you see photos of older couples newly in love. Wouldntthat make an interesting book? And their stories too...

The idea drifted to the back of my mind. Thenone year later, at the age of 62, I met a man online. We made eachother so happy with e-mails and phone calls that it soon seemed themost natural thing in the world for him to fly from Denver toPhiladelphia so we could meet in person. The night before he wasdue in, though, I was startled awake: Where were my slim arms,my narrow waist, my perfect complexion? Gone. Instead, I hadlooser skin than I remembered and lines across my forehead.

How do I present this 60-year-old body whenI feel so 16?

Then Warren arrived, also feeling 16 in a60-year-old body. We were soon enjoying a relationship moreintensely romantic than either of us had ever known. The attitudethat Id absorbed, that is embedded in our culture only youngbodies are desirable, only young love is beautiful faded away asI experienced the truth: Romantic love really is timeless.Then I remembered my old idea.

As editor of a local newspaper, I was used tointerviewing people. I wanted to write this book. But until Iinterviewed my first couple, I didnt understand what a specialjourney Id be taking.

It was a gray winter afternoon in 2007.Facing me, in their South Philadelphia living room, sat Bob and SueSerra, 79 and 80 years old. As she told about her difficult firstmarriage, he reached to smooth her cheek and kept his hand there.As he described their wedding six months before, Sue leaned againsthim and stroked his arm. Then Bob stepped away, and Sue leanedforward. Did you ever see the movie, The EnchantedCottage? she whispered.

I knew the film, made in the 1940s. Adisfigured soldier and a homely girl marry. They honeymoon in acottage they come to believe has magical powers because, slowly andmiraculously, inside that cottage, they shed all their physicalimperfections and become beautiful. Yes, I said.

Thats us, Sue said, eyes wide with wonder.Were old. I dont even like to have my picture taken anymore. Butinside our house, its like time was never born. Were liketeenagers. We play, we hug, we laugh all day...

At that moment, time stood still for me, too.I felt flooded with wonder. Shortly thereafter, I devoted myselffulltime to finding couples who had fallen in love in the secondhalf of life.

And when I did sixty couples in two and ahalf years I encountered the same phenomenon, that for theselovers, the logic of time had collapsed. In Connecticut and Utah,Arizona and New Jersey, I heard the same phrases: I feel 16 yearsold. I am finally myself. Its strange, but with him, I dontfeel any age at all. The people who felt this way were ages 50 to87.

The stories I heard chances taken, lessonslearned, obstacles overcome, redemption earned began to feel likefairy tales: life stories whose happy endings were lovestories.

The stories began to group themselves. Therewere couples who knew each other when they were younger; others forwhom the relationship itself was healing; several who were clear,this was the best sex they had ever had. So I arranged the storiesinto six chapters, showing the various aspects autumn love cantake.

I heard fascinating and moving details aboutthese individuals lives. Most felt passionate about theirchildren; many were accomplished in their particular field. But Ichose to include only those details that helped to describe theconnection between two people, regardless of their place in theworld.