Maria Roberts - My Downward Spiral to Freedom: A Believers Journey from Addiction to Serenity

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My Downward

Spiral

to Freedom

by Maria Roberts

My Downward Spiral to Freedom

2020 by Maria Roberts

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ISBN: 978-1-954486-00-3 Paperback

ISBN: 978-1-954486-01-0 eBook

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020925938

Unless otherwise noted, all scriptures are from The Holy Bible, New International Version. (1984). Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House.

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To those who suffer hopelessly from the disease of addiction, may you find hope and freedom.

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ts easy to talk about the wonderful things that happen on this journey called life, but the true tests come when you reveal the darkest part of your story. The part you wish you could just leave out or skip over. The part that may cause people to look at you differently. The part that you would rather forget, but ultimately there is no forgetting the part that makes you who you are. We are our storythe light and the dark.

The darkest part of my story involves making a choice that would send me spiraling into the grips of drug addiction. Addiction took me on a roller coaster ride that went from intriguing to my worst nightmare. In an instant, my life was on a downward spiral that I thought would lead to my death. Addiction changed my life forever!

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remember the first time I smoked crack cocaineit was in the late 1980s. I was driving from New York to Virginia and I hit a laced joint. The weed had been sprinkled with crushed crack cocaine and I absolutely loved it. I was an occasional weed smoker at the time, but this was something totally different and I had to have more.

I remember stopping to get more before I continued my trip to Virginia. I was going to Virginia to see my children. I had moved to New York to pursue modeling and my children were still in Virginia. I remember always being excited about coming home to see them, but the moment I hit that laced joint, that all changed.

My mind went automatically to the drug. I could not travel without it. I had absolutely no idea what that one moment would cost me.

I did some on-call modeling during the day with an agency in New York City and I had a pretty good job working the 3rd shift for a company in Upstate New York. Financially I was good. I worked hard during the week and got high on the weekends.

Within six months, I started getting high during the week before working 3rd shift and I went to very few model calls during the day. My modeling dream was deferred. I continued working the 3rd shift job, most of the time high because thats the only way I could have money to get more. It was my means to an end! My life was a whirlwind of working and getting high.

I didnt even commute to Virginia on a regular basis to see my kids anymore; I was too busy. However, when I did, I would make sure I had plenty of drugs to travel w ith. I simply loved being high and I had no idea that I was addicted. I thought I was just partying.

The New York party ended in less than two years when I totaled my car and moved back to Virginia. Back in Virginia, things were much slower but my craving to get high hadnt changed. What did change is that I couldnt smoke in front of my kids and I didnt have the 3rd shift job nor the freedom that I had in New York. I had to work a 1st shift job while being a full-time mother, which really put a damper on my partying schedule. I found myself sneaking to smoke in the bathroom at home and even in the car at work.

The party wasnt fun anymore and the straw that broke the camels back was when I started missing events in my childrens lifedipping out on birthday parties and not being present for Mothers Day. For the first time, I realized that I was in trouble and I needed help. I decided to check into an inpatient rehabilitation hospital. I managed to stay clean for five years until my father passed away.

My fathers passing was a pain that I could not handle sober. I immediately wanted to get high and that is exactly what I did. That time, my addiction took me from having a job and a family to being a homeless prostitute in a matter of five years. My addiction was all I had. I lived to get high and soon came to believe that I would die getting high.

The next few chapters will unveil to you a day in the life of a crack-addicted prostitute. My life, the part that most people would never reveal, and the dark side of my life journey to the road to true freedom.

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t would be sunrise in a couple of hours and I hadnt been to sleep. I had spent the last hour tripping while watching the roaches run back and forth on the ceiling. More days than not started out this way.

Night after night, the night would turn to morning and I would never experience sleep. I was always happy when 5 am would come around because I would have a better chance to make some money so I could get my fix. Even though it was cold outside, I had to go get more crack if I wanted to stay inside where it was warm and to take care of my nagging addiction.

The houseman, the owner of the house where I was at, was an addict too and no one could stay in his house for free. He required payment which was either crack or cash-no shorts . I hadnt given him anything in nearly three hours, but luckily he had fallen asleep.

I knew that I needed to hit the street soon because the workers would start driving and I could stop one of them if I hurried. Someone would surely be looking for me to make them happy before they went to work and, most assuredly, I would be looking for them to make me happy before they went to work . I had what they want ed and they had what I wanted so the stroll would begin.

I pulled out my baby wipes and went to the bathroom to try to freshen up a little bit. There was no running water in the house so that was my only resource. I detangled my wig with my fingers, wiped my face off, and put on a little face powder. I looked through my backpack to see if I had anything clean enough to change into or if I needed to keep on what I had. After a brief look inside, I decided to keep what I had on. I grabbed my coat and I was ready for the day. Little did I know that would be my last day out.