Lene Fogelberg - Beautiful Affliction

Praise for
B EAUTIFUL A FFLICTION : A M EMOIR

Beautiful Affliction is a deeply moving and important memoir about a young woman fighting for her life against all odds. Its a suspenseful page-turner and also the work of a poet. Fogelbergs physical heart is shutting down even as her emotional heart is filled to bursting with lovefor her husband and two little girls, for her whole world that may vanish in an instant. Her breathtaking odyssey will remind the reader of the beauty, fragility, and ephemerality of life. I absolutely love this book. It was an inspiration to read, and it will stay with me for a long time.

A LICE E VE C OHEN , award-winning author of The Year My Mother Came Back and What I Thought I Knew

Brilliantly paced, weaving glimpses of the authors past into an ever-tightening noose that engulfs Fogelberg and her young family in adulthood, this memoir left me as breathless as if Id read a thriller about an unstoppable killer circling its victim. Beautiful Affliction grips the reader and wont let go until the very last page.

R ITA M. G ARDNER , author of the award-winning memoir The Coconut Latitudes

In her breathtaking memoir, Beautiful Affliction, Lene Fogelberg elegantly unites the savagery and raw beauty of the natural world with the wisdom and poignant insight of a young wife and mother for whom each moment, whether or not she realizes it, may be her last. Exquisite imagery and poetic prose pulse through this powerful, emotionally gripping story. With Beautiful Affliction, Lene Fogelberg gives us a gorgeously written story to savor and share, while adding her shimmering, deeply intelligent voice to the literary pantheon.

T ERRI G IULIANO L ONG , author of USA Today bestseller In Leahs Wake

Lene Fogelbergs story is breathtaking in all the right waysdelicately and skillfully toldand a powerful reminder that life is fragile and can only be lived one breath at a time.

C AROL L YNN P EARSON , best-selling author, poet, and playwright

Lene Fogelbergs memoir will have even the most doubtful believing in miracles. Honest, unapologetic, inspiring, Beautiful Affliction is ultimately a testament to the sustaining power of love.

A SHLEY W ARNER , author of the award-winning memoir The Year After

Heartrending and suspense-filled, Fogelbergs Beautiful Affliction is a graceful meditation on love, marriage, motherhood, and the quotidian, precious moments that make a life with young children. Fogelbergs miraculous story is a gift to readers, both for its exquisite prose and for its humble reminder: Life is short; love deeply.

L AURA N ICOLE D IAMOND , author of Shelter Us

Gripping, powerful, touching, beautiful. A memoir about a woman who fights to remain alive because of her daughters and her husband. A story everyone can relate to and will want to read to the inspiring end.

M ETTE I VIE H ARRISON , author of Ironmom and The Bishops Wife

Beautiful Affliction is an important and beautiful book about the ways in which our health impacts our lives, and the courage, strength, and healing that can result with persistence. A wonderfully honest and sincere memoir.

L AURA P RITCHETT , author of Stars Go Blue and winner of the PEN USA Award

Beautiful Affliction is a singular story told with honesty and grace. Drawn into an existence where the next breath isnt promised, you wonder if your resilience could match Fogelbergs: Could you chase a riddle halfway around the world, and ultimately, into your own heart? As we root for Fogelberg, we root for ourselves.

T R M ILLER R ODRGUEZ , author of Splitting the Difference: A Heart-Shaped Memoir

Lene Fogelbergs memoir of living with an undiagnosed malfunctioning heart since childhood is a testament to the power of love. She allows us, the lucky reader, access to her innermost fears and guilts, offering up her story with such beautiful prose that one is enticed to linger over each word.

R OSSANDRA W HITE , award-winning author of Loveyoubye

In Beautiful Affliction Lene Fogelberg takes us on a heart-wrenching roller coaster ride as we follow her journey into marriage, motherhood, and across the world with the shadow of death as a constant companion. A poignant and poetic testament to love and the will to live, it reminds us to listen to the whispers of our hearts and to never, ever give up on what we desire the most.

L ONE M RCH , author of Seeing Red: A Womans Quest for Truth, Power and the Sacred

Lene Fogelbergs inspiring memoir of life with a literal broken heart teaches us to recognize beauty amidst our own pain and suffering. Having also experienced complicated heart issues and a lifetime of surgeries, I found myself reliving my own sacred experience.

P AUL C ARDALL , #1 Billboard Pianist & Steinway Artist

Beautiful Affliction

Copyright 2015 by Lene Fogelberg

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, digital scanning, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, please address She Writes Press.

Published 2015
Printed in the United States of America
ISBN: 978-1-63152-985-6
e-ISBN: 978-1-63152-986-3
Library of Congress Control Number: 2015934959

Book design by Stacey Aaronson

For information, address:
She Writes Press
1563 Solano Ave #546
Berkeley, CA 94707

She Writes Press is a division of SparkPoint Studio, LLC.

Although this is a true story, many names have been changed for privacy. Poems by Edith Sdergran are translated by David McDuff and used with permission.

For Anders,
and our girls

When night comes
I stand on the stairway and listen,
the stars are swarming in the garden
and I am standing in the dark.
Listen, a star fell with a tinkle!
Do not go out on the grass with bare feet;
my garden is full of splinters.

Edith Sdergran, 1916

C lick.

Silence.

The cell phone heavy in my hand.

I knew it was something! My voice is like somebody elses. I close my eyes, shut out the sky and trees of our backyard that seem to come tumbling down over me, struggle to find myself in this small, dark space. I knew it.

And then the tears. I am not crazy. I have not been out of my mind, all these years. My heart cowers in my chest: what does it mean? Its a new kind of darkness, empty and strange.

What did he tell you, Lene? he whispers. What did you find out?

But he must know. He stood listening beside me during the phone call, as best he could. I could barely make out the voice at the other end myself, over the buzzing of the cicadas in the trees. The voice. The verdict. The eternal buzzing in the trees.

There is no shade here at the back of our house, only the burning summer heat. I gasp for the hot air, smelling of dry grass.

What did he say? What did he tell you, Lene?

T here was this photograph, a small piece of paper, which disappeared a long time ago, maybe hiding in a box in my parents attic or some old forgotten album.