Michael Lewis - Random Commuter Observations (RCOs): Living the Dream on the Way to Work

A POST HILL PRESS BOOK

ISBN: 978-1-68261-641-3

ISBN (eBook): 978-1-68261-642-0

Random Commuter Observations

Living the Dream on the Way to Work

2018 by Michael Lewis

All Rights Reserved

Cover art by Cody Corcoran

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author and publisher.

Post Hill Press, LLC

New York Nashville

posthillpress.com

Published in the United States of America

This book is dedicated to all the poor slobs who have to endure the sights, smells, and sounds of a commute from Hellor rather, through Hell.

And to my buddy John Hetlyn, whos been enduring like a champ an hours-long commute from Orange County, New York, to Midtown, New York, for more than thirty years.

I want to thank my family

Amy, Sam, and Syd

for putting up with me every day, as I dragged my cranky commuter self back and forth.

Thanks to Steve Spignesi, author/coauthor extraordinaire, great friend, confidante, sounding board.

Much love/hugs/thanks to superagent Marilyn Allen.

My appreciation to Anthony Ziccardi, Michael Wilson, Billie Brownell, and the rest of the gang at Post Hill Press.

I want to acknowledge all my friends who commute every day, via train, bus, auto, other(?). Special shout out to those who shared their own Random Commuter Observations with me: Chris Anderson, Eric Brandon, Gail Burke, Bob Jenny, Rachel Montgomery,

Joe Potestivo, Janice Robertson, and Steven Schragis. Hope I didnt forget anyone.

Finally, thank you to all the bosses Ive worked for over the years. Only one of them ever let me go against my wishes, from a job that forced me to commute to NYC for ninety minutes each way (if everything ran on time) and keep a journal of my experiences. And thats how this book was born. So at least something good came out of that job!

Contents

Random Commuter Observations (RCOs)
(As Well as Photos, Drawings, and Headlines)

If I were a nobler man, I would say Im thinking about my fellow commuter as I write these words, but alas, Im not. Any of us who commute know that its a selfish endeavor. All you want to do is get away from these herds of people, as fast as possible, to get to a job you may not be thrilled with but, hey, it pays the bills. All youre thinking about is yourselfor, at the end of the day, what (hopefully) better things await you when you get home. As Rodney Dangerfield once quipped, Look out for number one. Just dont step in number two.

Among the working class for more than forty years, Im trying to think back to the first time I ever commuted to work. I cant remember the specifics, but I do know I rode my bike to work back thento a little ice cream place on the other side of town. My commuting evolved as my career evolvedfrom driving (enduring one job that took over ninety minutes to reach, without traffic), and finally to mass transit. My last commute was to New York City for 18 months, and consisted of two trains, sandwiched between a few blocks walk on either end. The commute wasnt horrible, I guess, as many have endured tougher treks. But like any commute, it does wear on you. You have no other options than to be engulfed in a sea of humanity, all rushing alongside you. Excruciating crowds, cancelled trains, derailings, track repairs, train crasheslooking back, I realize how precarious it was on a daily basis, how only one minor thing could cause frustrating delays, frayed nerves, and aggravation as I just wanted to get home ! I think commutings going to get worse before it can get better, but hopefully, someday, this country can finally invest in its infrastructure and make life a little bit easier for working folk.

To while away the hours along the way, day-to-day, I played Sudoku, read the paper, listened to music, and people-watched. You can learn a lot about humanity, and where were headed, by people-watching. I took notes about what I observed, sharing them to Facebook on occasion. My snarky observations seemed to strike a chord with people, so I decided to collect everything into a bookthe book youve got in your hands at this moment! Enjoy.

RCO: Watch the gap between the train and the platform. Let me rephrase that: Try not to slip into the gap between the train and the platform, because the platform is covered in ice.

RCO: The other daywithin five minutes of each othertwo people started to sit down next to me, looked at me, then walked to another seat.

RCO: Saying excuse me doesnt make it okay to barrel into everyone on a crowded train. Instead, how about waiting for the next train?

RCO: Ill give a dollar to every Salvation Army person I walk past whos standing there and ringing that bell. If youre not making the effort to ring the bellor, worse yet, youve got a boom box there blasting hip hopcolor me gone.

RCO: Let me see if Ive got this straight: Youre going to inconvenience thousands of regular commuters, people just trying to get home from a long days work, asking them to find a new track, for the sake of a few hundred drunken slobs on their way to a football game?

RCO: Today marks the first day I ever saw a live rat running around on the street, in rush hour, broad daylight. About the size of a small chihuahua.

RCO: Commuting every day, at the same times, you start seeing some of the same people. Youre often train friends with some of them, although you dont even know their names. So Id like to take some time to introduce you to my commuting friends: Hey, theres Chewbacca. He likes to bite his nails and cuticles like a squirrel nibbling an ear of corn. Never mind that his hands are dirty having touched every handrail and door handle from his office to here.

RCO: I guess from the perspective of the people who run into me every day as I commute, Im running into them.

RCO: NYC pedestrians are rude year-round, but in winter their excuse for running into you is that theyre in a rush to get out of the cold.

RCO: Hey, Port Authority bus terminal has free Wi-Fi. Maybe this crappy commuting situation wont be so bad after all.

RCO: The guy who sat next to me the other day smelled so bad that when I took a nap, I dreamed I was in a locker room.

(Credit: Public domain)

RCO: Not gonna lieas the train approaches the station, and I get closer to the yellow line, I always take a quick look around to make sure there are no psychotic people about who could potentially push me onto the tracks.

RCO: I miss my regular commute, on my usual dirty, sweaty train.