The First Habit by Lewis Schiff
Copyright 2016 Lewis Schiff. All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-329-72623-9
ISBN: 978-1-483-56951-2
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Cover photo: Evan Yamada
The First Habit
is dedicated to those of you
who create success on your own terms.
Ive always been enthralled
by the way you live your lives.
Youve given my language focus and purpose.
Lewis Schiff
Table of Contents
Step One:
You Need a Plan
Step Two:
Zero In, Double Down
Step Three:
Create Your Exceptional Engine
Step Four:
Failure Makes Perfect
What Is the First Habit?
CREATE TWO GROUPS OF FIVE. LINE UP ALONGSIDE EACH OTHER and face the person across from you, the meeting facilitator chirped at us inside a lower-level hotel room in San Jose, California. Its a better-than-nice hotel conference room with yellowish-golden tones. Incandescent bulbs light the room, giving it a warm feeling even though there are no windows. The drapes alongside the wall where windows would be, thats the dead giveaway. Pull back that curtain and theres nothing but plaster. Weve all been in this room a thousand times. And weve all had this facilitator, too. Usually hes good-looking enough, with nice teeth and an athletic build underneath his studied business casual attire. The kind of person who has translated his nonspecific attractiveness and cheery nature into a career where we dont mind looking at him while he helps us figure stuff out.
This meeting took place ten years ago. The other nine people in the room had already been my colleagues for a few years at this point. They werent exactly my cup of tea back then, and even now I keep in touch with only one of them. What I didnt understand, however, is that three of these co-workers were about to change the course of my life.
OK, said the facilitator, Bob, heres what I want you to do. I want you to look across at the person facing you in the other line, and I want you to tell that person what you think he or she is particularly good at. Then he or she should do the same for youtell you what youre good at. When youre done, move down to the next person and do the same thing. Do it with all five people.
So we do. The first person, Patty, says to me, You ask good questions. Hmm, I never thought of myself as being a particularly good listener but, OK, sure, whatever. I forget what I told her shes good at. To be honest, I forgot what I told them all.
Switch people, Bob says.
Youre good at asking questions, Henry says to me. Again with the questions. Thats weird.
Switch.
Youre really good at technology, keeping up with the newest thing, says Frank. Now that makes sense. Im the COO of a virtual company. Id better be good at technology.
Switch.
Sharla: You always ask really good questions.
Mind blown.
Three of the first four people tell me the exact same thing. (I forgot what the fifth person said. At this point my mind is reeling.)
I had never, ever thought about how I ask questions. It had never occurred to me that I was a good question-asker. Im opinionated. I like to talk. I really like it when people pay attention to me. But asking questions? If you told me to list my positive attributes at work, I doubt asking questions would have appeared anywhere on my list.
But three out of five people Id worked with for over three years told me that I was good at this. I was speechless. For a while, anyway. Then I started asking a lot of questions.
I read once that Hemingway didnt so much write as he let the angels move his pen. Since that exercise Bob ran us through more than ten years ago, Ive come to realize the same thing is true for me. Angels drop questions into my head and then they come out of my mouth. What was once a complete mystery to me is now the way I make a living, and Im never happier, never more engaged, than when Im asking someone questions. Thats not true. Im never happier than when Im asking an interesting person questions. Its not fun asking questions when the person Im talking to is not interestingespecially if theyre not interesting to themselves.
Youd think that being a questioner is a positive thing, because everyone likes to be around people who show interest in them. But being a questioner has its downsides, too. I love to ask questions so much that people tell me they feel like theyre being interrogated. Ive learned to compensate over time. When Im in a store, buying something interesting, like a new gadget, I usually start my conversation with the salesperson like this: Im what they call a fact finder. I love to ask questions. So if you feel like Im leaning in too close or my questions are coming at you too fast, please let me know. It just means Im interested and excited. I dont mean to invade your space. Figuring that out took many awkward encounters.
Looking back on that day in the hotel conference room over a decade ago, I remember how amazed I was to learn that I came across as a person with a particular talent that I had no idea I possessed. But Ive since come to find that this is common. When youre really good at something, you arent aware of it, or if you are, you dont understand why its such a big deal, why everyone cant do it. This may be the most important insight you get from this book. You probably have a talent or gif that you truly enjoy flexing, but you have no idea that it makes you different from most of the people around you. Because, to you, it feels totally unremarkable. In fact, it feels completely natural.
Since that day in San Jose, Ive helped thousands of people discover their gif and hone it into a career. Thats what I had to do for myself, too. After all, where in the classifieds section does it say, Help wanted: Someone who asks lots of questions. Please provide references. If it did, I could have provided tons of references, because apparently everyone else knew this about me. Meanwhile, I was busy trying to keep up with the latest technology, learning how to manage people, becoming an expert in the minutiae of finance (or trying, at least). But since I received this thunderbolt of information in a line of five of my peers during a session facilitated by Bob, Ive
Written several books.
Started two education companies.
Lectured around the world on behavioral entrepreneurshipthis is the study of decision-making with regard to business building. Its a discipline I believe Ive helped uncover and define.
