Alex Beckerman - Business Baby: Getting Things Done, One Tantrum at a Time

Text by Alex Beckerman and Emily Haynes with photographs by Ryan Cunningham Copyright 2015 by Chronicle Books LLC
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available.
ISBN: 978-1-4521-4259-3 (hc)
ISBN: 978-1-4521-4886-1 (epub, mobi) Designed by Kelly Abeln and Michael Morris
Cover Photograph by Emily Haynes Chronicle Books LLC
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www.chroniclebooks.com They may not have MBAs or PowerPoint skills, but every parent of a baby knows whos the boss. Someones in charge, all right, and its not the person wiping jam off the carpet. Babies are business wizards. Its only natural: their skill set is perfectly suited for the corporate world. Being unable to do anything for themselves, theyre incredibly good at delegating.

Theyreliterallyclimbers. And, of course, they give you the business all day long. Theyre extremely goal-oriented, especially if the goal is to make mommy take a fifteen-minute cry break in the bathroom, just like her real boss used to. And although their vocabulary is often limited to MINE and NOOOOOO, theyre probably just as articulate as many of your previous employers. Babies think outside the box. Mostly, they think about climbing on the box, or under the box, or how theyd really like you to plop them in the box while towing them around the room shouting HERE COMES THE CHOO CHOO! No, youre definitely not the boss here.

Like any boss, babies are not perfect. They can stick their feet in their mouths (literally). They drop the ball (literally). They poop the bed (literally). In short, they make a mess of things like its their job. And theyre really good at their job.

Theyre only going to get better, so its best not to fight it. That kid whos wearing underpants as a hat and trying to eat your car keys is going to run the world someday. So keep your chin up and your head down, and bring the boss his mum-mums before he gets any crankier. BAD NEWS, EVERYONE. WE LOST THUMBKIN . I DONT CARE IF HES FROM THE ART DEPARTMENT.

HE NEEDS TO WEAR PANTS. HOW CAN I COOK THE BOOKS ? IM NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH THE STOVE . HIGHLIGHT THIS YEARS FINANCIALS? YOU GOT IT. NO JUICE BOXES IN THE MINI BAR AND I HAD TO LEAVE ELMO AT HOME. WORST. EVER. SERIOUSLY, A FAX? THIS WAS OBSOLETE BEFORE MY PARENTS EVEN MET.

COMPANY PICNIC CRAYON EATING CONTEST!
Games galore:
The Sippy Cup Toss
High Pitch Scream-O-Meter
Tantrum Twister Food will be provided by:
YOUR MOM
(Seriously, dont forget to bring her and her cookies) I THOUGHT C O O K I E S WERE SOMETHING I COULD EAT. YEAH, ITS PRETTY SWEET. YEAH, ITS PRETTY SWEET.

I GOT A RAISE AND, LIKE SIX STICKERS. OOH, AN INVOICE. BETTER TELL MOM... I MEAN, ACCOUNTING. IM NOT SURE WHAT THIS GLASS CEILING IS, BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE WELL NEED A STOOL. JUST LIKE I THOUGHT.

SAYS HERE IM ALLOWED TO THROW MY SPOON 3X PER MEAL . SORRY, CANT LOAN YOU DAVE FOR THAT PROJECT. HES ON THE TIME-OUT CHAIR TODAY. FILING MY EXPENSES. WHATS THE CODE FOR PLAY-DOH? BRING ME SAFETY SCISSORS AND SOME GLUE . BEST OFFICE TOYS GO AHEAD, JOSH. BEST OFFICE TOYS GO AHEAD, JOSH.

WED LOVE TO HEAR WHAT THE INTERN THINKS. TOO MUCH ON MY PLATE, AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO USE A FORK. ICANT WORK LIKE THIS. GET ME THE 5G . JUST SAW A BABY DANCING LIKE BEYONC. THIS ISNT WHAT I PICTURED WHEN YOU SAID PIE CHART .