John Rhea - 101 Terrible Zombie Jokes: Plus 13 That Might Actually Be Funny

Copyright 2020 by John Rhea. All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. Distributed by the Undead Institute a division of StoryLab LLC Honest reviews. Please consider leaving one to help the fight against the apocalypse. In this book, youll find 114 original, terrible zombie jokes.

If you like the authors sense of humor (poor you) and want to learn about building websites, youll love his Undead Institute books. Get Punching Zombies: an HTML & CSS Quick-Start Guide for Writers, Editors, and Beginners free with a newsletter signup. Otherwise, enjoy these miserable excuses for jokes! What do a zombie and your uncle Steve have in common? Both have killer breath. What do zombies call a group of humans in the morning? Breakfast. How do you create a zombie? Make someone binge watch reality TV. Add plague if necessary. Why did the zombie eat its jeans? Everyone called it a smarty pants. Whats gross, rotten, and dead all over? Not a zombie. Zombies are gross, rotten, and undead all over. What do you call a man who keeps all the zombies in his basement? A horde-er. When everyone stumbles into the light of day, blinking, aimless, and moaning, what kind of apocalypse is it? None. The Internets down. How do you know if your teacher is a zombie? You find drool spots on the paper you aced. What do zombies call it when they come across the human resistance leader at midday? The Lunch Special. Whats a zombie ornithologists favorite bird species? Craaanes. What do you call a horde of bad zombie jokes? This book. Whats the scariest thing about becoming a zombie? Liking reality TV. What do zombies call a group of hobbits in the late morning? Second breakfast (or, depending on the time, elevenses). Whats a zombies favorite painting? The Mooooan-a Lisa. Whats a zombies favorite sport? Shuffleboard. What does a zombie vegetarian want to eat? Graaains. What would a zombie say about artificial intelligence? Needs salt. How do you beat a zombie on an IQ test? Braaains. What type of arithmetic are zombies great at? Multiplying. A vampire, a ghost, and a zombie walk into a bar.

A few minutes later, who walks out? Two zombie vampires and a very lonely ghost. Whats the difference between a dad joke and a zombie joke? The sound: groans versus moans. When zombies go for their annual checkups, how does the doctor describe their growth? Exponential. What did the zombie say after feasting at the insane asylum? Tastes like nuts. How do you know if the guy writing these zombie jokes becomes a zombie? His punch lines start being funny. What does a zombie railroad engineer like most of all? Braaains, same as every other zombie. If you get cornered by a zombie horde, what do you do? Fit inact like a politician. What does a zombie want for Christmas? Your two front lobes. What does a zombie call the four oclock rush at Dennys? A chance to thin the herd. What is a zombies favorite nationality? The Daaanes. What do you call a bad Night of the Living Dead rip-off? A Zom-B movie. How would you describe both a zombie ninja and zombie flatulence? Silent but undeadly. What do you call a zombie with a death wish? A disgrace to zombie kind. How do you get a zombie to ride a locomotive? Tell them its a traaain. How do you get rid of a zombies bad breath? Raise its arms. It doesnt so much get rid of the bad breath as make you wish you only smelled its breath. Whats a zombies favorite precipitation? Raaain, Whats scarier than a zombie in a clown suit? Nothing. Whats a zombies favorite season? Nuclear winter. What do you call a zombie in a pool with no arms or legs? Bob. What do you call a zombie with no arms or legs floating in the ocean toward an isolated island? Bob, the Harbinger of Doom. What do you call a zombie in a metal band? Rob. Whats a zombie doctors favorite ankle malady? Spraaains. What does a zombie plumber most love fixing? Draaains. Whos the zombies favorite pop star? Rick Astley. His career was dead, until it came back as a joke. (Plus, hes never gonna give you up or let you down.) How do you get the horde to stay in one place at the gym? Treadmills. What do zombies call a group of humans late at night? A midnight snack. Whos the most popular zombie? Briantill the zombies realize their spelling mistake. Which zombie is the smartest? The one moaning for wisssdom. Whats the difference between a zombie and a lawyer? Zombies dont suck blood. What does the zombie have in common with the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz? They both want better dental plans. Whats the difference between a zombie and a fool? Braaains. Why did the zombies leave the weightlifters alone? Theyre all brawn and no brains. Why did zombies tear apart the clothing store? They were looking for the brains of the outfit. Why did the zombies avoid making a decision? Someone said it was a no-brainer. Whats a zombie moms favorite phrase? Braaains are a terrible thing to waste. Why did the zombie meet up with a girlfriend to talk about its new job? To pick her brain. Why did the zombie give the man a difficult conceptual problem to solve? It wanted him to wrap his brain around itlike a sandwich. Why did the zombies attack the queen? They wanted the brains behind the throne. Why did the zombie leave the reality show taping? Hoarders wasnt what it thought. How do you know when a man has caught the zombie contagion? He thinks dad jokes are hilarious. Why was the zombie disappointed after Halloween? Gummy braaains just arent the same. What did the doctor prescribe his zombie patients? Breath mints. What did the zombie give his orthodontist for Christmas? Contagion. Knock, knock. Whos there? Zombie la-dy Zombie la-dy who? Stop yodeling, fool! Its the apocalypse. What do you call the members of the second horde? Zom-Bs. How do you know if youre a zombie? Your Dads jokes make sense. What do zombies call a human settlement? A restaurant. What do zombies call a gathering of mediocre employees in a meeting? Fine dining. How many zombies does it take to fill a house with stacks of old newspapers, random food containers, and piles of junk? A horde. How can you tell if the dealer at your weekly poker game is a zombie? If he shuffles with his feet. Whats a zombies worst fear? A contagion that turns zombies into clowns. How do you know if your date is a zombie? During the goodnight kiss, she tries to fit your entire head in her mouth. How do you know if everyone at the senior center is a zombie? The shuffleboard tournament never ends. Whats a zombies favorite zombie movie? Office Space.

How many zombies does it take to start the apocalypse? One more. When should you stop the oncoming horde? Yesterday. Whos responsible for the zombie invasion? Scooby-Doo. If hed stopped old man Withers at the amusement park, his diabolical plan would never have happened. How do you make a zombie go away? Get out your clown makeup. How do you know if members of an emo band have become zombies?