Gervase Phinn - Dominics Discovery

PUFFIN BOOKS

Gervase Phinn is a teacher, freelance lecturer, author, poet, educational consultant, school inspector, visiting professor of education and, last but by no means least, father of four. Most of his time is spent in schools with teachers and children.

He is the author of The Other Side of the Dale, Over Hill and Dale and Head Over Heels in the Dales. His poetry collections, It Takes One to Know One, The Day our Teacher Went Batty and Family Phantoms, are also available in Puffin.

Books by Gervase Phinn

DOMINIC'S DISCOVERY

For older readers

HEAD OVER HEELS IN THE DALES

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DALE

OVER HILL AND DALE

Poetry

FAMILY PHANTOMS

IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE

THE DAY OUR TEACHER WENT BATTY

PUFFIN

For Dominic

PUFFIN BOOKS

Published by the Penguin Group

Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

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Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

www.penguin.com

First published 2004

Text copyright Gervase Phinn, 2004

Illustrations copyright Adam Stower, 2004

All rights reserved

The moral right of the author and illustrator has been asserted

Except in the United States of America, this book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher's prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN: 978-0-14-193324-5

Dominic Dowson! snapped Mr Merriman. You can be the most disorganized, disruptive and downright dangerous pupil I have ever had the misfortune to come across in my thirty years of teaching.

Dominic, a small boy with a crown of close-cropped ginger hair, a face full of freckles and large wide eyes, peered up at the headteacher with a sad expression.

And then at other times, you can be the most polite, pleasant, good-humoured and generous boy, continued the headteacher, gripping the end of his desk so hard that his knuckles turned white. I just do not understand you. I cannot work you out. You are a complete enigma. Mr Merriman shook his head dramatically. Do you know what an enigma is?

Dominic stared up blankly. Is it an extinct South American bird with brightly-coloured feathers, sir?

No, it is not an extinct South American bird with brightly-coloured feathers, groaned the headteacher, looking into the shiny innocent face before him.

Dominic noticed that the headteacher's face had turned a deep shade of red and his bald head was now pimpled with perspiration. His eyes seemed to be popping out like those on the picture of the chameleon on his classroom wall.

An enigma is a conundrum, a puzzle, a perplexity, a riddle, something that cannot be understood, an unfathomable mystery. Mr Merriman never used one word when several would do. He was one of those people Dominic's gran described as liking the sound of his own voice. He was certainly getting into his stride now. And you are an enigma, Dominic, a human enigma, continued the headteacher.

Yes, sir, said the boy quietly, still staring heavenwards. He felt it best to say very little under the circumstances. He had been in the headteacher's room too many times to remember and knew that the best course of action was to stay silent and look as sad and sorry as possible. He wanted to tell Mr Merriman what had happened, how it really was not his fault, how he was only trying to be helpful, but he knew it would only make matters worse.

One minute you are as good as gold and as nice as pie and the next minute you are up to your neck in hot water. He also liked using expressions, did Mr Merriman. He was famous for them, in fact, and sometimes Dominic would count the number he could get in at assembly. The record was eighteen. Are you listening to what I'm saying, Dominic?

Yes, sir.

Because that's another of your problems. Head in the clouds, feet off the ground. Not listening to what people say.

Pardon, sir?

Do you see what I mean? exclaimed Mr Merriman, slapping his hand flat on the desk top and making Dominic jump. You don't listen! It goes in one ear and out the other.

Yes, sir.

Every day this week you have been in my room to be hauled over the coals for getting into some mischief or being involved in some mishap by Miss Pruitt, your form tutor; Mrs Simmonite, the cook; Mr Leech, the caretaker; Mrs Wellbeloved, the lollipop lady. The list goes on and on, doesn't it, like a never-ending saga of woe and worry, misery and misfortune?

Yes, sir.

On Monday it was the window and your incredible excuse: I was just walking past it and it just sort of fell out.

Yes, sir.

How can a window-pane just fall out? There was glass everywhere. Then, on Tuesday, the hamster escaped and you just happened to be the last one to have your hand in his cage. Mrs Simmonite is still suffering from shock at finding a rodent in the salad bowl, and Mrs Rashid has not been back to work since.

Yes, sir.

And I was given yet another of your grossly improbable explanations that the hamster might have managed to flick up the catch by himself by watching how humans do it.

Yes, sir.

Then, on Wednesday, it was the fire extinguisher and an equally preposterous explanation that it could have been an earth tremor. You just happened to be walking past it, when it leapt off the wall. How you managed to knock it off in the first place is beyond me. The floor was covered in foam. It was like a skating rink down the corridor, children slipping and sliding. Mr Leech was at his wits' end, trying to clean up the mess.

Yes, sir.

And I do not need to remind you about Thursday and the incident at the pedestrian crossing Jane Fairburn's clarinet and Mrs Wellbeloved's bent lollipop do I?

No, sir.

When Mr Merriman listed the catalogue of calamities, thought Dominic, it did sound as if he was a walking disaster, but there were perfectly good explanations. Well, he thought they were perfectly good explanations. The headteacher clearly did not.

Dominic's gran had once told him that he took after his Grandpa Dowson, who was accident prone. If there was a door, he'd bang into it; if there was a hole, he'd fall into it; if there was a banana skin, he'd slip on it. But there are worse things in the world, she had said, than being a bit clumsy. She also said that he had the same colourful imagination as his Grandpa Dowson.