Francesco Marciuliano - I Could Chew on This: And Other Poems by Dogs

Text copyright 2013 by Francesco Marciuliano . All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available. ISBN: 978-1-4521-2969-3 The following images copyright iStockphoto.com/photographer: bortonia, . 6 copyright Renee Stockdale/Kimball Stock. 6 copyright Renee Stockdale/Kimball Stock.

Designed by Emily Dubin Chronicle Books LLC 680 Second Street San Francisco, California 94107 www.chroniclebooks.com Dedicated in cherished memory to Panda, the sweetest, most loving, perhaps poetically gifted (we like to think) dog a family could ever have.

Dogs have never been shy about expressing their emotions. When theyre happy, they wag their tails. When theyre nervous, they wag their tails. And when theyre suffering from ennui, they wag their tailsa slow, mournful sway scored to a lone pianoas their soul remains as empty as the food dish they devoured before tearing into a Hefty bag replete with uncertainty and pizza rolls. But while dogs may wear their hearts on their sleeves (especially when forced to wear a poncho), people have never truly known what goes on in their minds.

Until now, that is. Thanks to an unprecedentedand unaccreditedwriting program, dogs everywhere are exposing their true inner lives through the power of poetry. From their rich experiences indoors to a wealth of wisdom gathered outside, from their unbreakable bond with their owners to the way their hearts shatter whenever theyre placed inside a purse, these canine verses reveal why dogs keep sniffing, why dogs keep running, and why dogs keep staring at you until you just break down and reveal state secrets you never even knew you knew. The dogs are trying to reach out to you. They want you to know what they ponder, what they desire, and what you can do with those rain boots you just bought them. So read their poems.

See the world as they do. And maybe the next time your furry friend is neck-deep in trash, youll gently pet his head and say, I understand now. I do. But no one has ever found what they were looking for at the bottom of three pounds of partially thawed rolled pizza. Trust me, I know.

Whenever I hear A dog bark on the TV I bark and bark and bark But the dog on the TV Never barks back Probably because a lot of celebrities Are really stuck up Ooo! A remote! Ill take it! Ooo! A sponge! Ill take it! Ooo! A shirt! Ill take it! Ooo! A plastic bottle! Ill take it! Ooo! A USB drive! Ill take it! Ooo! Carpet padding! Ill take some! Ooo! Underpants! Theyre in my mouth now! Ooo! A... thing! Thats going under the bed! You may think this hoarding is a problem You may think that I need some help But I prefer to see it as a very gradual robbery So hand over your left slipper This is the dance I do for you, do for you This is the dance I do for you As you get my can of food This is the twirl I do for you, do for you This is the twirl I do for you As you open my can of food This is the leap I do for you, do for you This is the eight-foot vertical leap I do for you As you stop serving my food to answer the phone This is me running in a sheer panic, wild panic This is me running in desperate, gasping, blind panic As you continue to talk on the phone THIS IS ME LOSING MY [censored] MIND MY [censored] BRAINS, MY [censored] COOL THIS IS ME WONDERING WHAT THE [censored] COULD BE SO [censored] IMPORTANT THAT YOURE STILL ON THE [censored] PHONE This is me realizing I was howling out loud, really loud And that perhaps I overreacted just a little And so this is me eating the food you give to me, always give to me I know this routine The gathered clothes The miniature toiletries The bag with wheels, handle, and zipper I know what happens next The short trip The long trip The time away from me I know theres nothing left but The farewell licking The final whining The last minute burying of all your ID Like I said, I know this routine And this time Deltas leaving without you A nudge of nose A slight of hand And within a moment it is done I appear by your side Right there for the drop And another mission is complete As spies in the night As agents in the field And as couriers we must not be caught Then something goes wrong Then I hawk up a bone Then twelve pieces of meat And then that napkin I ate without thinking A resource is lost A network undone And alas, there will be no more table scraps tonight Okay All right Hold on Just another second There Ive successfully digested A dirty diaper Really, the things you people throw out In a garbage pail at nose level But hey Im always up for a challenge I use my teeth I try my paw I whine a lot I walk in circles But nothing seems to work Then, with a twist of your wrist You turn the doorknob And thats when I finally realize Youre a wizard I get so bored So very bored Being all alone Stuck inside this house House House House House House Which explains why I shoved my head inside this jar And everything has an echo Now does anyone have any Vaseline? I was so worried I was so scared I thought that I had lost you And the life that we both shared I searched through the entire house From the basement to the attic The living, dining, and bedrooms Even the trash cans, because I was frantic Up and down the staircase Back and forth across the halls In and out through every door Louder and louder were my calls I had given up every hope I had given in to despair I had given the bad news to the pet cat Who gave me a look before re-licking her hair But just when all seemed lost, I found you And it gave my heart a rush To see you sittingstartled, but alive and well So if you dont mind, Ill just stay here until you flush Next page