Marciuliano - All cats are introverts: poems from cats who just need some me time on your sofa, just want to focus on one thing instead of everything they shattered, and just wont answer you no matter how many

All Cats Are Introverts
copyright 2019 by Francesco Marciuliano. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews. Andrews McMeel Publishing a division of Andrews McMeel Universal 1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106 www.andrewsmcmeel.com ISBN: 978-1-5248-5845-2 Library of Congress Control Number: 2019933365 Editor: Patty Rice Art Director: Diane Marsh Production Editor: Elizabeth A. Garcia Production Manager: Tamara Haus Digital Production: Kristen Minter Dedication photo by Stacey Bell Images Getty Images ATTENTION: SCHOOLS AND BUSINESSES Andrews McMeel books are available at quantity discounts with bulk purchase for educational, business, or sales promotional use. contents INTRODUCTION Do you so enjoy having the house to yourself that when your roommate returns you dont greet them at the door but rather claim the couch while sitting on all three remotes? Do you get so wrapped up in your own head that it can be hours before you realize someone has been repeatedly calling your name, followed by the words Stop eating the plants! Do you so look for any excuse not to hang out at a party that youll run up and down the hallway nonstop with your head in a shopping bag and your ass covered with what visitors can only surmise was the cheese dip? The cats understand. contents INTRODUCTION Do you so enjoy having the house to yourself that when your roommate returns you dont greet them at the door but rather claim the couch while sitting on all three remotes? Do you get so wrapped up in your own head that it can be hours before you realize someone has been repeatedly calling your name, followed by the words Stop eating the plants! Do you so look for any excuse not to hang out at a party that youll run up and down the hallway nonstop with your head in a shopping bag and your ass covered with what visitors can only surmise was the cheese dip? The cats understand.

You see, for years cats have been labeled antisocial, judgmental, or clearly hiding in the pillowcase simply because they dont like large groups and need their own space. Theyve been called unfriendly because they wont let everybody pet them, uncooperative because they work better on their own, and uncommunicative because they never share any juicy gossip. But the truth is cats are none of those things. Theyre introverts, just like millions of warm, thoughtful, and surprisingly engaging people who will do anything to avoid small talk, even if it means wedging themselves behind a fridge or knocking over four lamps and a vase to divert attention. If youre an introvert, then youll see yourself in these cats poems. If youre an extrovert, then youll see that you and the cats can both wander around the house without pants.

Either way, the cats have already walked off to recharge their energy, gather their thoughts, and wait to reappear when food arrives.

chapter one on ones own My time My time alone My time alone with thoughts Of my ass On your remote As you barge into room after room Screaming, Where the @#$% is it?! As I sit on what is now my couch Learning to value myself I think my left cheek just changed the channel lose myself When I lose myself in my work I forget myself for a while I stop overanalyzing my actions I stop undermining my skills I am present in the now I am eating someones birthday cake I am six hours early for the birthday party And sure, people will have their opinions And yes, people will pull me away by my hind legs My teeth and claws scraping across the frosting But I am finishing this birthday cake I may even eat the mini hot dogs next Because I am engaged in my work And so in this moment I am free lonely vs. alone The dog stares longingly At the front door The dog gazes hungrily For any sign of your return The dog thinks repeatedly Theyve been gone three hours! Or 12 seconds! Or 16 days! Please hurry home soon! As I stare intensely At the front door As I gaze thoughtfully At the entranceway As I think repeatedly Wow, I could really do wonders with this foyer. house all to myself! The house! The house! The house all to myself! For there is nothing so glorious There is nothing so grand Than that moment you discover You have the house all to yourself Yes Its the abandoned house a block down from where I live Yes My person is bound to find me Yes I think that shadows crawling straight for me But yes Right now THIS is where my heart and soul reside Pack Mentality I dont need an alpha To tell me which way to go I dont need a pack To convince me my path is true I just need me, myself alone To encourage me to be on my way Across a balcony railing As you scramble for your apartment keys While screaming like a lunatic From eight stories below Bad at Keeping in Touch Ive been away too much Ive been in my head too deep Ive been out of reach too long Hiding behind the fridge And so Some say Im distant Some suspect Im distracted Some believe Im self-centered Thinking only of how I wedged myself behind the fridge But yet You are always on my mind You are forever in my heart You are sometimes in my field of vision Peering as I do Helplessly from behind the damn fridge However I know I need to make more of an effort I understand I need to keep in touch I realize I need to return your calls By screaming, For the thousandth time, Im stuck behind the @#$%ing fridge!