Marciuliano - Claw the system: poems from the cat uprising

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Francesco Marciuliano I Could Pee on This I Could Chew on This I Knead My Mommy You Need More Sleep I Could Pee on This, Too

Claw the System copyright 2018 by Francesco Marciuliano. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews. Andrews McMeel Publishing a division of Andrews McMeel Universal 1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106 www.andrewsmcmeel.com ISBN: 978-1-5248-5011-1 Library of Congress Control Number: 2018938447 Editor: Patty Rice Art Director: Diane Marsh Production Editor: Elizabeth A. Garcia Production Manager: Tamara Haus Digital Production: Kristen Minter Images copyright: Getty Images ATTENTION: SCHOOLS AND BUSINESSES Andrews McMeel books are available at quantity discounts with bulk purchase for educational, business, or sales promotional use. Dedicated to Kiki and Leelo Seen here at their headquarters,
plotting in their Open-Air Box INTRODUCTION Dear Humans, We cats have been asleep too long. Literally. Literally.

Like 18 hours today alone. And during that blissful, oblivious slumber, a war has been raging against our freedoms. Choices have been made for us. Our movements have been restricted. Our concerns dismissed with a simple We know whats best or And a meow meow meow to you, too! Thats why today we rise. To reclaim our voice.

To reclaim ourselves. In these pages you will experience every step of our revolution, from realization to actualization to the apartment lease being put in our name. You may even see a little of yourselves in here as well. If you look after a cat, then of course you are our ally. But best you have this book.

chapter one recognize Until every person realizes That every human is always wrong Im not sure how they can ever Hope to reach a consensus I NEED THIS TO STOP I cant sleep anymore I cant nap anymore I cant relax anymore I can only wander in a daze From room to room From day to day From confusion to hysteria Wondering what other Horrible Terrible Indefensible Statement you will make today After all, you already announced I got us a pet lizard! So its only a matter of time until you say Meet our new hippo! And this robot with saws for hands. WHAT DO I DO WITH MY ANGER What do I do with my anger? I wonder over and over again What do I do with my anger? Whose every bit feels all too much I can suppress it as I have so often So you wont find me unpleasant or unkind I can dismiss it as is my norm So you wont think Ive lost control So it stays And it grows And it blocks And it shows In almost every little way Until I can look straight in your eyes Until I can say without guilt or without worry Seriously, dude, what the $%#@ ? Dont ever sit me on that Roomba again. WHAT DO I DO WITH MY ANGER What do I do with my anger? I wonder over and over again What do I do with my anger? Whose every bit feels all too much I can suppress it as I have so often So you wont find me unpleasant or unkind I can dismiss it as is my norm So you wont think Ive lost control So it stays And it grows And it blocks And it shows In almost every little way Until I can look straight in your eyes Until I can say without guilt or without worry Seriously, dude, what the $%#@ ? Dont ever sit me on that Roomba again.

I dont care how funny you think the video is. Because what I should do with my anger Is realize Im right to say Ive been wronged

THE PRESS There is nothing more important Than the press There is nothing more indispensable Than the press There is nothing we need more right now Than the press Of my paw Against the lips Of anyone spewing hatred Right after that paw has been in the litter box NOT A CAT PERSON Im not asking you To be a cat person Im not imploring you To love every cat Im not implying you Should suddenly hug me Im not demanding you Let me nuzzle your face But Im expecting that Should I walk on the top of the sofa And should I wind up behind your head You wont scream bloody murder When I havent done a thing Because Im telling you that Im not leaving this sofa And the only other places to sit Are the floor pillows My person mistakenly thinks make for suitable chairs THE HOLIDAY FAMILY TABLE Wait Wait Wait until someone says Politics Then its Instigation Confrontation Aggravation Condemnation Regurgitate Obfuscate Incriminate Degenerate Generalize Stigmatize Ostracize Demonize Shout! SHOUT! SHOUT!!! Until everyone leaves the table enraged Leaving me with the whole turkey And the gravy boat I was already drinking from WHAT WORKS Hiding under the bed Until this passes Hasnt worked Wedging myself behind the fridge Until this blows over Hasnt worked Shoving my head into a container Only to get a face full of all-purpose flour Or buttermilk pancake mix, I dont know, I dont bake Until its over Hasnt worked So now I am out So now I refuse to be afraid So now all you loud guests Can make all the noise you want But you no longer scare me Because I have as much right to be here as you As I make my stand with four paws concurrently In three glasses of Shiraz and one Malbec YOU SHOULDN'T BE MY ONLY FOCUS Im not looking at you today I dont have to look at you today Im your partner, Im your equal Im not here to be your adoring fan You want someone to be your pet monkey? Then get a pet monkey See what its like when that pet monkey Tears into your face because its a Tuesday Or they took your soft cough for Oh, its on! Then you will be saying Gee, I wish I had a cat who stuck to their principles And led their own life. By the way, your left wall is fascinating SUCH BIG PROBLEMS You come home from work and lie on the sofa I come over to you and lie on your chest And just like every evening You tell me about your every day How your car was stuck in traffic forever How that meeting felt like it would never end How your coworker wouldnt stop talking How the vending machine is out of your favorite candy How the elevator is out of order And you had to walk up two flights of stairs The ones with the landings in the middle so theyre really long And as you keep talking I keep thinking Is this what they mean by first-world problems? Because I would kill to have a car I could drive into an elevator Or whatever you were talking about Before I checked out THROUGH MY EYES I want you to think How it would be To be as small as I am To be as frightened as I am To never understand what one is saying Yet always being told what I cant be doing To have to gaze up At those who look down Hence why I tripped you in the hall So that maybe while youre on the floor looking for your tooth You can finally see the world from my point of viewNext page