Ian McEwan - The Daydreamer (Red Fox older fiction)

IAN McEWAN

Illustrated by
Anthony Browne

RED FOX

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Epub ISBN 9781409096337

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To Polly, Alice, William and Gregory, with thanks

A Red Fox Book

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Copyright text Ian McEwan 1994
Copyright illustrations A. E. T. Browne and Partners 1994

First published by Jonathan Cape Ltd 1994

Red Fox edition 1995

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ISBN 978 0 099 47071 7

The Daydreamer

His hand closed around something cold. He drew out a small dark blue jar with a black lid. On a white label was printed,Vanishing Cream. He stared at these words a long time, try- ing to grasp their meaning. Inside was a thick white cream whose surface was smooth. It had never been used. He poked the tip of his forefinger in. The substance was cold not the hard fiery cold of ice, but a round, silky, creamy cool. He with- drew his finger and yelped in surprise. His fingertip had gone. Completely vanished. He screwed on the lid and hurried upstairs to his room. He put the jar on the shelf, kicked clothes and toys aside so that he could sit on the floor, with his back against the bed. He needed to think.

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My purpose is to tell of bodies which have been transformed into shapes of a different kind.

Ovid, Metamorphoses, Book One

When Peter Fortune was ten years old grown-up people some- times used to tell him he was a difficult child. He never understood what they meant. He didnt feel difficult at all. He didnt throw milk bottles at the garden wall, or tip tomato ketchup over his head and pretend it was blood, or slash at his grannys ankle with his sword, though he occasionally thought of these things. Apart from all vegetables except potatoes, and fish, eggs and cheese, there was nothing he would not eat. He wasnt noisier or dirtier or more stupid than anyone he knew. His name was easy to say and spell. His face, which was pale and freckled, was easy enough to remember. He went to school every day like all other children and never made that much fuss about it. He was only as horrid to his sister as she was to him. Policemen never came knocking at the front door wanting to arrest him. Doctors in white coats never offered to take him away to the madhouse. As far as Peter was concerned, he was really quite easy. What was difficult about him?

It was not until he had been a grown-up himself for many years that Peter finally understood. They thought he was difficult because he was so silent. That seemed to bother people. The other problem was he liked being by himself. Not all the time, of course. Not even every day. But most days he liked to go off somewhere for an hour to his bedroom, or the park. He liked to be alone and think his thoughts.

Now, grown-ups like to think they know whats going on inside a ten-year-olds head. And its impossible to know what someone is thinking if they keep quiet about it. People would see Peter lying on his back on a summers afternoon, chew- ing a piece of grass and staring at the sky. Peter, Peter! What are you thinking about? they would call to him. And Peter would sit up with a start. Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. Grownups knew that something was going on inside that head, but they couldnt hear it or see it or feel it. They couldnt tell Peter to stop it, because they did not know what it was he was doing in there. He could have been setting his school on fire or feeding his sister to an alligator and escaping in a hot air balloon, but all they saw was a boy staring at the blue sky without blinking, a boy who did not hear you when you called his name.

As for being on his own, grown-ups didnt much like that either. They dont even like other grown-ups being on their own. When you join in, people can see what youre up to. Youre up to what theyre up to. You have to join in, or youll spoil it for everyone else. Peter had different ideas. Joining in was all very fine, in its place. But far too much of it went on. In fact, he thought, if people spent less time joining in and making others join in, and spent a little time each day alone remembering who they were or who they might be, then the world would be a happier place and wars might never happen.

At school he often left his body sitting at its desk while his mind went off on its journeys. Even at home daydreaming could sometimes get him into trouble. One Christmas Peters father, Thomas Fortune, was hanging the decorations in the living-room. It was a job he hated. It always put him in a bad mood. He had decided to tape some streamers high in one corner. Now, in that corner was an armchair, and sitting in that armchair doing nothing in particular, was Peter.

Dont move, Pete, said Thomas Fortune. Im going to stand on the back of your chair to reach up here.

Thats fine, Peter said. You go ahead.

Up on to the chair went Thomas Fortune, and away in his thoughts went Peter. He looked like he was doing nothing, but in fact he was very busy. He was inventing an exciting way of coming down a mountain quickly using a coat hanger and a length of wire stretched tight between the pine trees. He went on thinking about this problem while his father stood on the back of his chair, straining and gasping as he reached up to the ceiling. How, Peter wondered, would you go on sliding down without slamming into the trees that were holding up the wire?

Perhaps it was the mountain air that made Peter remember he was hungry. In the kitchen was an unopened packet of chocolate biscuits. It was a pity to go on neglecting them. As he stood up, there was a terrible crash behind him. He turned just in time to see his father fall head first into the gap between the chair and the corner. Then Thomas Fortune re-appeared, head first again, looking ready to chop Peter into tiny bits. On the other side of the room, Peters motherclamped her hand across her mouth to hide her laughter.