Glennon Doyle - Untamed

Two summers ago, my wife and I took our daughters to the zoo. As we walked the grounds, we saw a sign advertising the parks big event: the Cheetah Run. We headed toward the families scouting out their viewing spots and found an empty stretch along the route. Our youngest, Amma, hopped up on my wifes shoulders for a better view.

A peppy blond zookeeper in a khaki vest appeared. She held a megaphone and the leash of a yellow Labrador retriever. I was confused. I dont know much about animals, but if she tried to convince my kids that this dog was a cheetah, I was getting a Cheetah Run refund.

She began, Welcome, everybody! You are about to meet our resident cheetah, Tabitha. Do you think this is Tabitha?

Nooooo! the kids yelled.

This sweet Labrador is Minnie, Tabithas best friend. We introduced them when Tabitha was a baby cheetah, and we raised Minnie alongside Tabitha to help tame her. Whatever Minnie does, Tabitha wants to do.

The zookeeper motioned toward a parked jeep behind her. A pink stuffed bunny was tied to the tailgate with a fraying rope.

She asked, Who has a Labrador at home?

Little hands shot into the air.

Whose Lab loves to play chase?

Mine! the kids shouted.

Well, Minnie loves to chase this bunny! So first, Minnie will do the Cheetah Run while Tabitha watches to remember how its done. Then well count down, Ill open Tabithas cage, and shell take off. At the end of the route, just a hundred meters that way, there will be a delicious steak waiting for Tabitha.

The zookeeper uncovered Tabithas cage and walked Minnie, eager and panting, to the starting line. She signaled to the jeep, and it took off. She released Minnies leash, and we all watched a yellow Lab joyfully chase a dirty pink bunny. The kids applauded earnestly. The adults wiped sweat from their foreheads.

Finally it was time for Tabithas big moment. We counted down in unison: Five, four, three, two, one The zookeeper slid open the cage door, and the bunny took off once again. Tabitha bolted out, laser focused on the bunny, a spotted blur. She crossed the finish line within seconds. The zookeeper whistled and threw her a steak. Tabitha pinned it to the ground with her oven-mitt paws, hunkered down in the dirt, and chewed while the crowd clapped.

I didnt clap. I felt queasy. The taming of Tabitha feltfamiliar.

I watched Tabitha gnawing that steak in the zoo dirt and thought: Day after day this wild animal chases dirty pink bunnies down the well-worn, narrow path they cleared for her. Never looking left or right. Never catching that damn bunny, settling instead for a store-bought steak and the distracted approval of sweaty strangers. Obeying the zookeepers every command, just like Minnie, the Lab shes been trained to believe she is. Unaware that if she remembered her wildnessjust for a momentshe could tear those zookeepers to shreds.

When Tabitha finished her steak, the zookeeper opened a gate that led to a small fenced field. Tabitha walked through and the gate closed behind her. The zookeeper picked up her megaphone again and asked for questions. A young girl, maybe nine years old, raised her hand and asked, Isnt Tabitha sad? Doesnt she miss the wild?

Im sorry, I cant hear you, the zookeeper said. Can you ask that again?

The childs mother said, louder, She wants to know if Tabitha misses the wild.

The zookeeper smiled and said, No. Tabitha was born here. She doesnt know any different. Shes never even seen the wild. This is a good life for Tabitha. Shes much safer here than she would be out in the wild.

While the zookeeper began sharing facts about cheetahs born into captivity, my older daughter, Tish, nudged me and pointed to Tabitha. There, in that field, away from Minnie and the zookeepers, Tabithas posture had changed. Her head was high, and she was stalking the periphery, tracing the boundaries the fence created. Back and forth, back and forth, stopping only to stare somewhere beyond the fence. It was like she was remembering something. She looked regal. And a little scary.

Tish whispered to me, Mommy. She turned wild again.

I nodded at Tish and kept my eyes on Tabitha as she stalked. I wished I could ask her, Whats happening inside you right now?