Caroline Madden - After a Good Man Cheats: How to Rebuild Trust & Intimacy with Your Wife

~~~~~

~~~~~

Publishers Note

This book is designed to provide informationand motivation to our readers. It is sold with the understandingthat the publisher is not engaged to render any type ofpsychological, legal, or any other kind of professional advice. Nowarranties or guarantees are expressed or implied by thepublishers choice to include any of the content in this volume. Notherapeutic relationship is established. Neither the publisher northe individual author shall be liable for any physical,psychological, emotional, financial, or commercial damages,including, but not limited to, special, incidental, consequential,or other damages. Our views and rights are the same: You areresponsible for your own choices, actions, and results.

ISBN: 978-0-9907728-6-6

TOTP: AGMCS03212018

Summary: Advice from a therapist for men whohave cheated and want to repair their marriage

2015 by Caroline Madden

All rights reserved. No part of thispublication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in anyform or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or otherelectronic or mechanical methods, without the prior writtenpermission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotationsembodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial usespermitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to thepublisher, addressed:

Connie Johnston

Train of Thought Press

2275 Huntington Drive, #306

San Marino, CA 91108

~~~~~

I humbly dedicate this book to my clientswho trusted me with their marriages and opened their hearts to me.I could never have written this book if I had not had the privilegeof witnessing your journeys through what were most likely the mostdifficult experiences of your lives. Thank you for letting me inand allowing me to work alongside you as you labored to forgegenuine intimacy in your relationship.

It is my hope that this book will helpcouples rebuild trust and intimacy. In this way, you (my clients,present and former) will also help those couples, as yourcollective wisdom and experience is delivered to those whocurrently struggle with the aftermath of infidelity.

This book would not have been possiblewithout the dedication of my editor, Rachel Mork. Youwholeheartedly believed in the value of this book and itspro-marriage message. I cannot thank you enough for all theguidance and encouragement you have given me and my writingefforts.

I would also like to thank my long-timementor and friend, Julie Faurot, MFT. Ourrelationship has not only made me the therapist that I am today butalso the wife and mother I had always hoped to be.

~~~~~

~~~~~

You are a good man who made a bad decision.You were unfaithful.

You love your wife, and now that you seeclearly what you have done, you are incredibly sorry that you havehurt her so much.

You want to save your relationship. Youdont want to lose your family. If you could go back in time andstop the affair before it started, you would. In fact, yourepeatedly kick yourself as you think back to the moment you knewyou were crossing the line. You wish you could take it all back,but you cant.

Much as you desperately wish that she couldjust forgive and forget, your wife has made it clear that you cantjust say youre sorry and expect everything to be as it once was.She feels the psychological impact of the affair, and this makesher angry very angry. Her anger might even scare you attimes. Youve probably never seen this side of your wife before,and you hope you never will again.

Not only is your wife furious, but shesalso emotionally volatile. Sometimes she seems to love you moredeeply than ever, and other times she kicks you out of thehouse.

You are on a roller coaster. You want yourmarriage back, but youre not sure how to help your wife trust youagain and move forward. She doesnt know what she wants, and hervolatility exhausts and upsets you. You both are stuck.

My name is Caroline Madden. Ive been alicensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles for over adecade. I have helped countless couples restore their marriagesafter infidelity.

I've seen women just like your wifego through the whole processfrom uncovering their husbands affairto making it to the other side, heart healed and marriage restored.I have heard their innermost thoughts and concerns as they try toprocess their husbands betrayal. I know what specific stages yourwife will experience. I know what prevents women from movingforward, and I know what women need in order to trust andforgive.

Most importantly, I know the things men sayand do that they think are helpful but that actually makethings worse.

I also know what a difficult time this isfor you. Your wife is hurting, but you are, too. I know thatcertain needs weren't met in your relationship, and I know youprobably feel defensive and are sick of being the bad guy. If youhave children, youre probably terrified that you will be cut outof their lives and portrayed as the person who destroyed yourfamily. You may wonder what was wrong with you that you felt theneed to stray, or you may feel like shes blowing things out ofproportion.

I know that you are doing your best toregain your wifes trust, but no matter what you do, you seem tomake it worse.

Thats why Ive written this book. I want tohand you the tools to fix your marriage. I want to help you avoidthe mistakes Ive seen so many men make. I want to get you throughto the other side as smoothly as possible.

This book will give you the power toanticipate her emotional needs and get it as you repair the riftin your relationship. She feels like life is a blur, but you canfix the problem by getting into her world, showing her youunderstand, and then helping her through the turmoil.

At a time when she is unsure if she cantrust you, you can re-establish yourself as the good guy. The manwho understands her. The person who loves her more than anyoneelse. The man in whom she believes and trusts.

This will help her truly believe that youare back for good.

This is the most important time for you toget things right, because your wife is actively deciding at thisstage whether or not she wants to stay with you. Will the pain goaway if she divorces you? Will staying with you just set her up formore pain?

This is a proactive book. Its a practical action plan that will walk you through thefirst stages after your wife has discovered the affair. Youlllearn the things your wife will feel, say, and do, giving you thefollowing:

Insight into what she is thinking and whythis is so hard for her

Practical advice so you know exactly what to do at this important stage

Actual scripts so you know what to say in response to specific situations

Clearexplanations as to why certain words and actions you thinkwill be helpful might make things worse

Included at the appropriate points are scripts of what to say and why you need tosay those words at that time. Do not just memorize these words andparrot them back to your wife. You have already lost her trust; ifyou start using words you dont normally use, youll sound likeyoure faking it. You will want to translate the scripts into yourown natural wording, using the meaning of each script as alaunching pad for productive, healing dialogue with your wife.