Caroline Madden - Fool Me Once: Should I Take Back My Cheating Husband? Surviving Infidelity-Advice From A Marriage Therapist

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Publishers Note

This book is designed to provideinformation and motivation to our readers. It is sold with theunderstanding that the publisher is not engaged to render any typeof psychological, legal, or any other kind of professional advice.No warranties or guarantees are expressed or implied by thepublishers choice to include any of the content in this volume. Notherapeutic relationship is established. Neither the publisher northe individual author shall be liable for any physical,psychological, emotional, financial, or commercial damages,including, but not limited to, special, incidental, consequential,or other damages. Our views and rights are the same: You areresponsible for your own choices, actions, and results.

Summary: Advice from a therapistif a woman should take back her cheating husband

2014 & 2022 by CarolineMadden

Published at Smashwords byCaroline Madden

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Table of Contents

Youve discovered thatyour husband has cheated on you. Maybe youve discoveredincriminating emails or text messages from his lover, or, worseyet, have actually seen them together. Your world is crashing down.You feel like a nuclear bomb just decimated your entire world, andyou are trying to shield yourself from the fallout. This is verylikely the most painful experience youve ever had. Youve beensucker punched in the soul.

You are so confused. Youremotions are volatile one minute you're so angry you could clawhis eyes out, the next moment youre devastated with grief becauseyou fear he will to leave you.

You never wanted adivorce, but somehow you are now in this position. Do you take himback or blow up your family? What about the kids? Its all sounfair!

Ever since you were ayoung woman, you told all your friends that if your man evercheated on you, you would be so out of there. But life isnt blackand white anymore, is it? You love your husband. Sure, there mighthave been issues, but you know that marriage is work.

Youve built a lifetogether. You have a home. You have children. You cringe at theidea of being a single mother and hitting the dating scene. Youwant to stay married. But then you think to yourself, Only weak women stay with cheaters. Strong womenwalk!

Im here to tell you anaffair doesnt mean it has to be over.

How do I know this? Iwork as an affair recovery specialist, serving as a Marriage andFamily Therapist in California. I work almost exclusively withadults with significant relationship problems. Dealing with theaftermath of affairs is my specialty.

Ill tell you what strong women do. They sit back and let thedust settle. Right now, you are one of those snow globes you pickup as a souvenir when you travel. You are all shaken up, and youneed to let some of those snowflakes settle to gain clarity as towhat the picture is.

You may not realize it,but you are in a state of trauma right now, so you shouldnt bemaking any big decisions just yet. That includes putting your houseup for sale, putting all his stuff in the street, calling theaffair partners husband, and/or telling everyone in the world thathe cheated on you. When you regain your composure, these are allthings you will regret. Trust me.

As a therapist, I helpwomen like you determine if the man who has betrayed them should betrusted or not. In some cases, I help them decide if therelationship itself is worth saving, even if the unfaithful manseems sincerely repentant.

If you are like mostwomen I see in your situation, you are thinking that there is noway your relationship can survive this explosion.

Believe it or not,statistics prove that many couples survive affairs. You probablyfeel like you will never be capable of trusting him again, andforgiveness may seem impossible right now. However, relationshipsdo evolve and grow stronger if both parties are truly committed toworking things out. I see it happen all the time.

Fool me once, shameonyou. Fool me twice, shame onme.

Note what I said in thatlast paragraph: Relationships do evolve and grow stronger ifboth parties are truly committed to working things out.

I know youre probablyvery confused right now. Perhaps he seems genuinely sorry. He mightbe calling you, weeping, and begging you to let him move back in(or for you to come home, if you left). You may be so angry younever want to see him again, and you might fear what your friendsand family will think if you give him a chance.

But here is the realquestion you are probably asking yourself:

If I do let him comeback, will he do this to me again?

Its the old adage, Foolme once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.You worry that you wont be able to forgive yourself for being sostupid. If other people know you took him back after he cheated,they will think you got what you deserved. If you take him back, hewill just think you are a doormat and he can do it again. Andfrankly, you are not sure you can survive another affair. Just.Cant. Again.

Am I safe in taking himback or am I a complete idiot to trust him again?

In the decade that I havebeen treating couples, Ive had an extremely high success rate inhelping couples recover from affairs. How have I done this? Ivelearned how to identify why a man has cheated, if he sincerelywants to save the marriage, and what elements in the relationshipneed to change for the couple to make it out of the dungeon ofdespair.

I also screen out menthat I have a gut feeling are one or more of the following: sexualaddicts, philanderers, entitled jerks, and those with personalitydisorders. In this book, I have done my best to share with you thecriteria I use when assessing a man to determine if he is trulyremorseful and is determined not to cheat again. I hope you findthis helpful as you make this very difficult decision.

The first thing I want todo is to tackle the things that look shady to a woman who has beencheated on but arent necessarily indications that your husband isinsincere.

He may be doing somethings that make you question his sincerity and/or ability torecommit to you. Something to keep in mind is that your husband isa man. He is doing things that he thinks will help youthrough this but that are actually making the situation worse. Nomatter how sincere he is, there are some things he just isnt goingto get.

The following are fiveactions that look suspicious but dont necessarily mean he isnttrying to get things right with you:

1. You keep finding outmore details through the drip, drip, dripping of truth-telling.