Table of Contents
My mother wasnt able to live her newfound freedom for long.
Yet by her example, I was able to pick up where she left off.
This work is my gift to her.
Thank you for giving me the courage to live fearlessly.
I love you, Mom.
PREFACE
If you have ever been too threatened by failure to go for something you want... too apprehensive to share your feelings... too comfortable with your success to take a chance on making your life better... too intimidated to stand up for yourself when someone is putting you down... too afraid that youre unlovable to end a bad relationship... too nervous about getting hurt to risk trusting another... too sensitive to criticism to speak out and be counted... too worried about losing your childrens devotion to put your foot down... too fainthearted to strike out in a new direction because you think you might not be up to the challenge... then what you are about to read has the power to change your life.
And you are far from alone. In the course of my career as a speaker and life- and career-coach, I have discovered that the vast majority of people, no matter how confident they appear to be, harbor paralyzing fears that lurk beneath the surface of their psyches. These inner demons are always at the ready to whisper skeptical objections and plant doubts about anything that might shake up the status quo: Do you really think you should do that? Are you ready for a big step like this? Why dont you get somebody elses opinion? Are you sure youre not getting in over your head? What will people say?
These menacing messages, whether we are conscious of them or not, allow us to rationalize that we are better off not taking those chances. This does not apply to clinical emotional disorders such as depression and anxiety that require professional help. I am not advocating recklessness. I mean the virtually universal human tendency to make excuses and deny the type of fears that hold us back. Those subtle, gnawing fears that make up what I call the Wheel of Fear control our lives in myriad unseen ways.
Even little incidents along the way can contribute to your fears. The time you were accidentally separated from your mother in the grocery store when you were five years old may have been the beginning of a fear of being abandoned. The cruel words of a childhood bully might have added to your fear that you are stupid. The criticism of a Little League coach when you were doing the best you could may have made you fear that youre worthless. Fearless Living is a program that will teach you to recognize and master those fears. Mastering fear does not imply you will never experience fear again. But rather, you will know what actions to take to move beyond your fear at will and the frequency of occurrence will diminish.
As for more extreme traumas, Im living proof that the most unspeakable of experiences can be harnessed as a force for hope. Before I went on the Oprah show to reveal at last the terrible secret youll read about in the Introduction, I had already established my personal program of self-growth to overcome a troubled past. Alcoholism, nervous breakdowns, and suicide attempts were the misguided efforts I had previously used to deal with my fears. Yet as a result of my program, my self-destructive behavior has become a mere memory. I am astounded as I look upon my own life now. I see loving friendships, healthy family relations, a handsome income, a beautiful home, and creative fulfillment through my speaking engagements, books, videos, and audiotapes. Most important, my sense of self is always intact, breeding self-confidence, personal power, and clarity of purpose. In short, my life is governed by freedom.
I designed Fearless Living to help you triumph over the fear that prevents you from living a fulfilling life. As of this writing, thousands of people have attested to the life-changing payoffs acquired by following the Fearless Living program. Instead of theories and concepts, Fearless Living entails practical applications for real-life situations that will work for you. In , you will discover the power behind your day-to-day actions and uncover how they sustain your fears or help you move beyond them.
There is no right time to begin living fearlessly. Wherever you are is the perfect place to start. So get ready to take a journey that will transform your life.
Welcome to the world of Fearless Living.
Rhonda Britten
June 2000
Fear is a killer.
It kills hopes.
It kills dreams.
It kills careers.
It kills relationships.
In a flash, it killed my parents.
It almost killed me.
How is it killing you?
INTRODUCTION
My Story
A steady downpour pummeled the windowpanes of my childhood bedroom in northern Michigan on a chilly June morning. I snuggled deeper under the warmth and comfort of my blankets, wishing I didnt have to face what lay ahead. The year was 1975 and I was fourteen. Fathers Day back then in my little hometown meant families trooping to have brunch at local restaurants where buffets were considered the height of elegance. Part of me was looking forward to the salad bar and the slices of roast beef, but I dreaded the get-together. My parents had been separated for almost a year. This obligatory reunion with my father was sure to be strained.
I wondered whether my two sisters, and for that matter my mother, felt as uneasy as I did. Still, I told myself, nothing really upsetting was going to happen. Wed be in public, after all. Everyone would be on their best behavior. In spite of all that had gone on between my parents behind closed doors, they had always been very good at putting up a front. They cared too much about what the neighbors might think.
Reassured, I threw the covers off, got up, and picked out the white cotton dress my mother had finished making for me only days before. An accomplished seamstress, she took pride in outfitting her girls. I treasured everything she created, but this dress was one of my favorites. She had sewn me a long white scarf with black polka dots, an accessory that made me feel very sophisticated. I wrapped it around my neck as a kind of testimony of her love. In return, I loved her so much that it almost hurt. I have a photograph of just the two of us taken before my younger sister, Linda, was born. My mother was holding me on her hip. My little head was leaning on her shoulder. On the back she had written, When you were the baby of the house, Rhonda. The image and the message gave me strength and a sense of being very special. I looked at the picture and read her words whenever the trials of teenage life started to get to me.
On that Sunday morning, I had gotten dressed, and while my sisters were still fighting over the bathroom, I walked by my mothers room. She spotted me through the open door.
Oh, you look so pretty! she said with a lilt in her voice. Come in. I want to show you something.
My heart skipped a beat. As the middle child, I cherished every moment when I was alone with my mother. She put down her omnipresent coffee mug after taking one more sip, and did the rest of her makeup. I perched on the bed, careful not to rumple the spread, and watched her smooth the rouge into her cheeks after gliding the blue shadow over her lids. Even without the help of cosmetics, she was a true beauty. I wanted to grow up to be exactly like her.
