Nicole Hemmenway - No, It Is Not In My Head: The Journey of A Chronic Pain Survivor From Wheelchair To Marathon

The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon

NICOLE HEMMENWAY

No, It Is Not In My Head

The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor From Wheelchair to Marathon

Copyright 2010 Nicole Hemmenway. All rights reserved.

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ISBN 978-1-60037-699-3

Library of Congress Control Number: 2009935648

Cover Design by: Rachel Lopez
Photograph by: Hyde Park Photography
Location: Barr Mansion, Austin, Texas

Morgan James Publishing

1225 Franklin Ave., STE 325

Garden City, NY 11530-1693

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www.MorganJamesPublishing.com

For Mom, Dad and Dan,

Thank you for keeping my hopes and dreams alive. I love you with all my heart.

For Rick,

Thank you for making me feel like Wonder Woman. You are my everything.

There are so many people to thank. I know my journey to wellness would not have been possible without the support and encouragement of my many friends and family.

To My Family

Mom, Dad, Dan, Rick, Nonnie, Nonno, (Gramsie, Poppa), and all my aunts, uncles and cousins who make up the Hemmenway, Ruo, Mazzeo, Marovich and McEvoy Families... thank you for holding me up when I could no longer stand, and showering me with unconditional love. I owe so much of my newfound happiness to you. You are the wind beneath my wings.

To My Friends

Meredith, Dylan, Emily, Kristin, Meghan, Nadine, Angela, Brendan, Emily, John, Kerry, Chris, Pat, Molly, Annie, Tim, Tricia, Liz, Megan, Jim, Erin, Maureen, (Bobby), Dan and Marie... thank you for being my shoulders to lean on, and my friends for life. Without you, I would have never made it out of the darkness!

To My Dear Family Friends

The Callaghan, Kelber, OBrien, Moriarty, Quinlan, Gulbengay, Murphy, Linebarger, Sarlatte, Kilroy, Capurro, ODonnell, Bonnici, Buchanan, Gannon Briggs, Minicucci, Krouse, Roscelli, Topic, Holz, Fake, Tischer, Garcia, Fitch, Backes, McPherson, Thomas and Elbogen Families... thank you for supporting my family and me through the bleakest days. Your unending prayers, kind words and strength helped me persevere; I was able to hold on to hope because of you.

To My Large Medical Team, the National Pain Foundation and my Healing Friends... all I can say is thank you one hundred times over. Thank you for your endless dedication in seeing me well. Your encouragement and advice allowed me to continue searching for my miracle.

To My Friends I Met Along the Journey

Ann, Nancy, (Sue), Jon, Keith, Mike, Erin, Sara, Patrick, Seth, Sara, Ruben, Maureen, Myra, Pat, George, Ann, Jamie, Lamar, Burt, Ariel, Celeste, Alexa, Ambrose, Ares, Erica, Patti, Sarah, Marissa, Amber, Ann, Mick, Mary, Steve, Savanna, Amanda, Candace, Amy, Patricia, Melissa, Sara, Paula, Sonny, Judy, Lee, Julie, Nicki, Kelsey, Terri, Steve, Cathy, Nathan, Paul, (Irene), (Jack), Katie, Laura, Collin, Suzette, Patsy, Connie, Michaela, Patti, Will, Anne, Kathi Lowe, Scott Drees and the entire Rhodes Family... thank you for entering my life, and walking the courageous road to recovery with me. To my fellow chronic pain survivors, I wish you happiness, health and blessings.

To Carondelet High School, Creighton University, St. Isidores School Community, Nestl USA and San Ramon Valley Unified School District... thank you for your patience, concern and overwhelming willingness to help my family through a difficult time. I am indebted to each of you.

To Brad at Hyde Park Photography... what can I say. You are the best at capturing the essence of who I am on film!

To Tom... words cannot begin to express my appreciation and love. Thank you for showing me that I can express anger, fear and pain while still being a pillar of strength and hope. You helped me find the author within, and I am eternally thankful.

To David, Rick, Lyza and Jim at Morgan James Publishing... you have made my dream come true. Thank you for believing in me and allowing me this wonderful opportunity to help and inspire. I am very appreciative of your dedication, time and support. It has been a pleasure to work with such an incredible team, and I look forward to our future journey together.

I awkwardly make my way amongst the lively group. I feel my heart beating faster as the hairs on my arm stand on edge. Today will be the ultimate test of my healing.

In three hours, I hope to be able to put the past behind me. After a horrific nine-year battle with chronic pain, I want to say the war is finally over and I prevailed. Yet in order to do that, I must risk all the improvements I have made.

Every previous doubt and insecurity festers to the surface making it difficult for me to maintain composure. While I yearn to live a carefree and pain-free life, I know what is at stake. I understand that my decisions today may cause me more pain and tears tomorrow.

I feel like an imposter timidly moving amid a crowd of confident swaggers and boisterous energy. Although it is still dark outside, beads of sweat fall from my temples and down my cheeks as butterflies flutter in my queasy, unsettled, churning stomach. Looking up to the sky for a reassuring sign, I see the iridescent radiance of the moon shining down. It will soon guide me on the initial steps of my journey.