Toya Johnson - You Just Dont Get It
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You Just Dont Get It: summary, description and annotation
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The relationship between mother and daughter can often be a difficult maze to navigate. Its ever-changing and effected by so many outside forces from friends to social media. Those things have forced the relationship to evolve and adapt to the new ways we communicate and problem solve. It all basically comes down to this...our daughters are looking to us for guidance in this world and for answers that we might not always have. Lets face it, not all of us had the best relationships with our mothers and we certainly dont want our daughters to suffer in the same ways, nor do we want our relationships with them to suffer that same fate. You Just Dont Get It! gives you a peek into the world of me and my daughter, Reginae. It invites you to see how Ive dealt with obstacles when raising a daughter while trying to figure out how to break a cycle of teen pregnancy and missed opportunities. In no way is this a how to manual to parenting; but simply my story of how I have attempted to raise my daughter and give her tools so that she can live the life I have always dreamed for her or whatever life she desires for herself. Its was an amazing journey and I hope yours will be too.|The relationship between mother and daughter can often be a difficult maze to navigate. Its ever-changing and effected by so many outside forces from friends to social media. Those things have forced the relationship to evolve and adapt to the new ways we communicate and problem solve. It all basically comes down to this...our daughters are lookin
Toya Johnson: author's other books
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Toya Johnson
Teena M. Stewart
Streep
Peg Streep
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Copyright 2017 by Toya Wright Publishing
ISBN: 978-0-9972178-4-1
eISBN: 978-0-9972178-5-8
eISBN: 978-0-9972178-5-8
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the authors intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting Rick George using . Thank you for supporting the authors rights.
Credits
Editorial: Carla DuPont
Cover Shot: Tyus
Cover Design: Aries George
Dedication
This is book is dedicated to my beautiful daughter and all other teenage girls out there. A daughter is such a beautiful blessing. Watching your daughter grow over the years to become an adult is such a wonderful feeling. As mothers, we go through all types of emotions over the years. A mothers love is like no other. Our job is never done. The beauty of being a mother is being able to show unconditional love to our kids. We are here to protect, teach, and inspire them to be amazing women.
I was once that young girl who didnt appreciate the mother figure I had in my life. My aunt used to tell me things and give me all types of advice when I was younger. It wasnt until I got older that I realized how important her advice was and how the things she taught me helped mold me into the woman I am today. Of course I had to learn a lot of things the hard way, but her guidance helped me stay on track and get back up every time I fell down.
Young ladies, never take your mothers advice for granted. It might not make sense to you now, but trust me, it will when you get older.
Reginae, I am so proud of the young woman youve become. As you continue on to the next chapter in your life, I know that you will do great and you will continue to make us proud. May your dreams remain big and your worries stay small. Always remember to go after what you want and stay humble along the way. I love you so much and Im extremely proud of you.
Love Mommy!
Thank you
First and foremost, I would like to thank God for He is my rock, my salvation, and my strength. I would like to thank my daughter, Reginae Carter, and my unborn child for being my motivation and my reasons. My mother, Anita Johnson, for changing your life around and showing me that anything is possible if you believe in God. My manager, Richard George, for believing in me and pushing me each and every day; you are greatly appreciated. My auntie, Kristalyn Holden, for being a great mentor and always being there for me when I need you. My best-friends, Lidia Muse and Danielle Johnson, for showing me what real friendship looks like. I would like to thank Tyus, the photographer, for the amazing photo of Reginae and I. Thank you Aries George for this dope book cover. A special thank you to the love of my life, Robert Rushing, and all of my amazing family and friendsI love yall forever. RIP to my angels Ryan Johnson, Josh Johnson, and Kathy Williams; you guys are always in my heart. 
CONTENTS
Intro
Toya
It's super hard to get your teenage daughter to communicate with you about certain things. As parents, we feel a mixture of emotions when we feel our kids arent telling us the whole truth. One of the biggest things I had to learn was how to listen to my daughter without judgement or overreacting. Trust me, It's very hard to hear your teenage daughter tell you some of the things that are going on in her world, especially with her group of friends at school. But, It's better to hear it come from her than any other person.
I always wanted to be the parent who listened to my child, then helped her without jumping to conclusions. It wasn't that easy though. since I had Reginae at a young age, I thought that part would be super easy. But when the time came, I couldn't handle it. I found myself handling her the wrong way. I would punish her, yell at her, and carry on. Overtime, I realized that my reactions were only making the situations worse. I had to switch that up real quick before our relationship was damaged beyond repair. I began to think about how I felt when I was her age not having anyone to talk to who could relate to me. Every time I talked to a family member about certain touchy situations, I ended up getting in trouble for just trying to be open and honest about what was happening in my life as a teenage girl trying to find her way in this world.
Constantly receiving harsh reactions to you opening up only makes you want to keep things bottled inside, hiding things from the people who are supposed to be around to give you guidance and teach you. When my daughter turned 15, I made a conscious effort to start making her feel a little more comfortable. I would always ask her what was going in her crew. When her girlfriends came to visit, Id be in the room with them asking, What's the tea? Not as a parent to a child, but I was asking more as a friend.
That was my way of breaking the ice. Once she saw my reaction was more of understanding, opposed to preaching, she started opening up to me a little more. I gave her advice instead of getting upset with her. I'm not saying it was easy, but I knew that just as easily as she let me in, she could shut me right back out; I could lose her. Our kids are not our friends, at all, but we must develop a little friendship with them to make them feel comfortable talking to us. When I was growing up, my parents made it clear, I'm not your friend. They used to always tell us, You are a child and need to stay in a child's place.
In the world we live in today, we have to have adult-like conversations with our daughters because things move a lot faster than they did when we were growing up. Some of these little 14 and 15-year-olds are like little adults, LOL.
That's really why it was important for me to do a project like this with my daughter. I travel all over the country and meet a lot of young women who have daughters, like myself. The number one thing I hear is, I don't know how to get through to her. People always say they admire the relationship I have with my daughter, but believe me It's taken a lot of work and growing pains to get to where we are today.
Through this book, I hope you guys get to see those same fights and battles youre having in your own home, I'm fighting in mine as well. This type of relationship isn't formed overnight; it takes trial and error along with a balance of good and bad situations to find the formula to build the great mother-daughter bond that we all want so much. We are raising our children in a different world than the one we were brought up in; It's a lot colder, a lot faster, and temptation is at every turn and at their fingertips with those stupid smartphones. Not to mention their friends, boyfriends, and role models from entertainment, sports, and even social media are not the best, but are highly influential. We have a tough job and we have to make sure that while all of those forces are in their left ear, we are in their right, giving them the guidance and the lessons that they may not want to hear now, but will definitely need later.
Quality Time
Toya
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