Mary Potter Kenyon - Refined by Fire: A Journey of Grief and Grace

Endorsements

When we experience grief, what we long for most is the hand of someone who knows the depth of our pain. Refined by Fire is a friends hand as you travel your journey of loss. It is the gentle, compassionate voice of someone whos walked in your shoes and who knows the rocks beneath your feet. Mary Kenyon brings practical experience clothed in gentle grace, unflinching truth, and unwavering hope. I recommend this book to pastors, therapists, and anyone who has lost a loved one.

Shelly Beach , Award-winning author of 10 books, including Precious Lord, Take My Hand ; Managing editor of Hope in the Mourning Bible; Co-founder of PTSDPerspectives.org, Caring.com expert, and ShellyBeachOnline.org/PTSDPerspectives.com

Mary Kenyons Refined by Fire reminds me of my grandmother, Madeleine LEngle, who taught so many of us that writing can be a form of prayer that leads us to grace. I was moved to read how her influence inspired Mary to write and heal as well. Marys writing style is extremely accessible, and her voice raw, authentic and brave. By the end I was crying with her. I would definitely recommend her book to anyone who is going through any type of loss.

Lna Roy , granddaughter of Madeleine LEngle, author of Edges , and seasoned writing instructor and Program Manager for Writopia Lab, a not-for-profit dedicated to empowering youth through creative writing.

Not long into the writers workshop I was teaching on a Midwestern college campus, a woman in the front row of desks began to weep. I didnt know why at the time. But I sensed I was witness to something holy happening in that room. The book you hold in your hands is a result of that holy moment when the God of heaven gave the author permission to write out of the midst of her pain to provide a holding-on place for others in theirs. Mary Potter Kenyons breathtakingly real thoughts reveal that razor edge where despair dances with hope and the ugly becomes elegant. Im already creating a list of those laid on my heart to receive the gift of the story of Marys grief journey.

Cynthia Ruchti , author of Ragged Hope: Surviving the Fallout of Other Peoples Choices

Acknowledgments

For every book written there are those people who have inspired, encouraged, and stood by the author. This book was written during a particularly difficult timein the two years following my husbands death. First and foremost, my eternal gratitude to David, the husband who, despite his death, remains the wind beneath my writing wings and whose wise advice still echoes in my head: Slow down. Relax. Dont worry so much. Tell the truth.

Thank you to my sisters who dropped everything to rush to my side that terrible morning, the cotton batting that surrounded me with love and tender care in the days following Davids death.

David was so proud of his eight children. This book couldnt have been written without the encouragement of each of them. For Dan, my oldest son, never regret having gotten so close to your dad during his cancer. He was so very proud of you. He worried about you being alone, and I truly believe he had a hand in leading you to someone to love.

For Elizabeth, my oldest daughter: You were never able to properly mourn your father because you were immersed in caring for Jacob. I cannot imagine the magnitude of your own grief. I am in awe of your grace and example of faith.

For the son-of-my-heart, Ben, I will always count you among my children. I am so grateful that David had you as a friend. I cannot tell you how many times he came home laughing because of something you said or did at work. He loved you, but even more importanthe liked you.

To my son, Michael, I will never forget, and neither should you, how you overcame your natural aversion to hospitals to visit your dad after his heart attack. I am grateful that through the loss of him, you and I learned to hug again. I look forward to those hugs.

And to my dear daughter Rachel, whose tender heart suffered so with the loss of a father who shared interests in things your mother doesnt care about: plants and animals. I appreciate all the meals you heated up for me in those early days and the hugs we share now.

For my Matthew, on the cusp of adulthood when your father died, you moved out within a few months of his death, and I was secretly glad when you returned for a few months a year later. I wasnt quite ready to see the man of the house leave.

And to my three youngest girls, Emily, Katie, and Abby, we formed a special bond, a sort of team at home after your dads death. Not a day went by when one of us didnt lament, I miss Dad. I am so very sorry for the terrible loss you three have experienced at such a young age and so very grateful that you made allowances for a mother who miserably failed at so many things, but whose love for you remained constant, and always will. Make your daddy proud, girls.

For my friend, Mary Jedlicka Humston, who took me out to lunch every month for more than a year and who dared to ask the questions no one else dared ask: How do you stand it? Does it always hurt, or does it hurt less sometimes, and more other times?

For dear friends, my sister Lois and brother Ron Hixon, David was glad to call you brother and sister when you visited the hospital daily after his heart attack. Thank you for being there for both of us.

Thank you to the Cedar Falls Christian Writers Workshop family, and especially authors and mentors Shelly Beach and Wanda Sanchez. For the many strong women I met through other writing conferences I attended, including Judith Robl and Cynthia Ruchti. For the women sitting at a breakfast table in Wheaton, Illinois, who upon finding out it was my wedding anniversary, prayed out loud for me. How beautiful they are, I was surprised by the level of love I felt for virtual strangers, even as I realized that is how God wants us all to live.

For Cecil Cec Murphey, whose books meant so much to David first, and then to me, and whose generous scholarship made it possible for me to attend the Write-to-Publish conference in 2012, where the seeds of this book were planted. There was an instant connection when we met in person that fall. I am honored to call you friend.

For Timothy Juhl, my poet and wanderer of the Universe, and fellow survivor of loss.

Thank you to my Bible study family, who walked a path of self-discovery with me, sharing a hunger for understanding Gods plan for our lives.

To Lydia, the young woman who listened to the nudges of the Holy Spirit, sending me pages of Bible verses when Id prayed for them. Your support for our family in these past few years has been tremendous. Ive loved you like a daughter for a long time, and as I write this, you will soon become one.

To my publisher, Christopher Robbins and the entire Familius family, I extend gratitude. I feel extremely blessed to be a part of a company with such strong values, and I love watching you grow.

Thank you to my editor, Maggie Wickes, and her patience with what must have seemed an authors eccentricities at times. I appreciate the long hours you put into editing this manuscript.

And, finally, to Beth Gerken, my first widow friend who became my strongest prayer warrior, and to the widows and widowers I hope to help with my words.

There are countless others to thank in this endeavor: many more family members and friends, along with seemingly random strangers who touched my life through my grandson Jacob. My world is so much bigger now. Whether or not we have connected on Facebook, know that our lives are forever linked through the short life of a beautiful child, and something much bigger than ourselves. May the Force be with you.