Malcolm Duncan - Good Grief: Living with Sorrow and Loss

Table of Contents

Malcolm knows what grief is like, and his vulnerability, honesty, biblical insights and straight talking are like oil being poured into an aching heart to bring healing and strength in the face of grief.

Anne and Gavin Calver, Evangelical Alliance

Sooner or later you will need this book. Malcolm Duncan understands grief because he has experienced it. This book is moving, beautifully written and will be like a companion to you if you are in sorrow.

R. T. Kendall, author

A beautifully crafted book, full of wisdom, compassion and grace

Patrick Regan OBE, Kintsugi Hope

Good Grief will bring hope to those who feel, that because of the sheer pain of their loss, there could never be another tomorrow worth living.

Rob Parsons OBE, Chairman and Founder, Care for the Family

Malcolm has done a tremendous job in using his own vulnerability to give people permission to acknowledge the importance of sharing ones grief, as well as helping others to find their own voice within their own stories.

Christy Wimber, church leader, speaker, and author

Once you have read this book you will never forget it. Powerfully moving and with a total absence of sentimentality its premise is rooted in thoroughly researched biblical truth.

John Glass, former General Superintendent, Elim Churches, and former Chair of Council Evangelical Alliance

Malcolm Duncan has dared to lift the lid off a subject which none of us can avoid but few want to talk about; he most definitely writes with the heart of a pastor and the wisdom of a teacher. I cant recommend Good Grief highly enough.

Lara Martin, music minister and funeral celebrant pastor

Good Grief is a life-changing book for those experiencing life-changing loss. I cannot fully express how helpful Malcolms words and experiences have been to me as I attempt to navigate my grief journey after losing my husband and finding myself widowed and solo-parenting at forty.

Sarah Hurst

The experience of many, myself included, is that grief is a solitary journey, where the devastating feelings of loss can take us by surprise. Yet this is a hopeful book illustrating how God can redeem our pain. A must read for all who are on this journey as well as those offering help.

Nicola Leach, Chief Executive of CARE

This book is both beautiful and brave, tough and tender. I recommend it unreservedly and with gratitude.

Chris Cartwright, General Superintendent, Elim Pentecostal Churches

Good Grief will undoubtedly leave any reader better equipped for the inevitable dark seasons of life, and more focused on the faithfulness of a loving Heavenly Father who journeys with us through our valleys.

Edwin Michael, Superintendent of the Elim Church in Ireland

In Good Grief, Malcolm Duncan writes from the depths of his own heart [] and his feelings run so deeply through his words that at times they bleed into pages [] A timely book of great import, and one I believe is destined to become a classic for Christians seeking to understand the great mysteries of life and death.

Bev Murrill, director of the Kyria Network, speaker, and author

This is a refreshing new book on the subject of grief written out of a deep sense of pain and loss that Malcolm Duncan has personally experienced.

Revd Ann Stevenson, retired hospital chaplain, and Elim Church Minister

Text copyright 2020 Malcolm J. Duncan

This edition copyright 2020 Lion Hudson IP Limited

The right of Malcolm J. Duncan to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published by

Lion Hudson Limited

Wilkinson House, Jordan Hill Business Park

Banbury Road, Oxford OX2 8DR, England

www.lionhudson.com

ISBN 978 0 8572 1989 3

e-ISBN 978 0 8572 1990 9

First edition 2020

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Cover image Jian Xhin on Unsplash

For Debbie, Matthew, Benjamin, Anna, Riodhna, Ellie, Jacob, Eve, Rob, and Emily my crew.

Billy, Elizabeth, and Paul Rainey time doesnt change your loss, you are inspirational to me.

Anne now write your story and let the world see what I have always known; you are remarkable.

Carly, Ryann, and Donna I love you.

Stuart and Rebekah your strength and honesty are beautiful.

Vicky and Barry Thompson keep going.

Sarah Hurst with love and prayers.

Joel my friend.

The Thompson family loved and held.

IN MEMORY OF

Jackie Duncan, Olive Duncan, Colin Duncan, Robert Mawhinney, Jonathan Mawhinney, Joanne Rainey, and Eleanor McKeag the absence we feel for you is evidence of the love we felt.

For all those whose hearts have been broken and who carry the pain of their loss.

My prayer is that Good Grief will help in some small way.

CONTENTS

A s always, there are too many people to thank and not enough space in which to thank them. I am very grateful to the team at Lion Hudson for your patience, understanding and support over the years. Good Grief has taken far longer to write than we thought. That is because the pain, for me, was too great, and I needed to find the moment when I had the strength to write it. Thank you to Suzanne Wilson-Higgins, Jon Oliver, Mary Davis, Lyn Roberts, Michael Belcher, Olivia Thompson, and those who went before you particularly Tony Collins and Jenny Ward. I am also grateful to David and Alison Dorricott for their continued encouragement and support.

A book like this spans time, and touches on many seasons in my life. Over the years, I have shared life in Christian community with Southville church in Yeovil, Springbourne Christian Centre in Bournemouth, Matt and Emma Ross in North Thamesmead, Greyfriars Church in Reading, The Chapel at Mortimer West End, The Warham Christian Trust, Gold Hill Baptist Church, and most recently Dundonald Elim Church. Each of you, and each of the people that make you a Christian community, have taught me more than you will ever know. Thank you for letting me serve you and walk with you and thank you for the privilege of sharing life together. In addition, I want to thank those in wider circles with whom I have ministered over the years, from the Evangelical Alliance and then Faithworks, to Spring Harvest, Church and Community, Catalyst, and the wider Elim church family. Thank you for your love, support, and prayers over the years. I particularly honour Joel, Jake, Marion, and Dave Brown; Diane Montgomery, Craig, Charlotte, and Scott McConnell; and Stuart, Rebekah, and Eleanor McKeag and their families you know why.

I am grateful to my family for their support and love. I include in that my wife Debbie, and our four children, Matthew, Benjamin, Anna, and Riodhna and their partners, Ellie, Jacob, and Eve, and Rob and Emily Sallis. You have held me when I could not hold myself. You have picked me up when I have fallen. You have loved me through it all. Thank you. Without you, I would be less and with you, I am more. To my brothers, Edward, Bill, and Colin I am grateful that you are, or were (Colin died in 2016), part of my life. I am proud of you and love each of you. To Sheila, Lisa, Kelly, and Meghan you are much loved and hold a part of my heart. To Donna, Carly, and Ryann, Jorja, and Tommy: you have borne much sorrow and heartbreak and I love you. May strength and grace be given to Tommy as his life stretches ahead of him. To Anne, my darling sister. We are, and always will be, part of one another. I love you, admire you, and am inspired by you. And to Robert and Jonathan, gone, but never far from our hearts we remember them. To Elizabeth, Billy, and Paul, you taught me about loss before you knew I was watching, and I love you.