Edward Myers - Teens, Loss, and Grief: The Ultimate Teen Guide

IT HAPPENED TO ME

Series Editor: Arlene Hirschfelder

Books in the It Happened To Me series are designed for inquisitive teens digging for answers about certain illnesses, social issues, or lifestyle interests. Whether you are deep into your teen years or just entering them, these books are gold mines of up-to-date information, riveting teen views, and great visuals to help you figure out stuff. Besides special boxes highlighting singular facts, each book is enhanced with the latest reading list, websites, and an index. Perfect for browsing, theres loads of expert information by acclaimed writers to help parents, guardians, and librarians understand teen illness, tough situations, and lifestyle choices.

1. Learning Disabilities: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Penny Hutchins Paquette and Cheryl Gerson Tuttle, 2003.

2. Epilepsy: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Kathlyn Gay and Sean McGarrahan, 2002.

3. Stress Relief: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Mark Powell, 2002.

4. Making Sexual Decisions: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by L. Kris Gowen, Ph.D., 2003.

5. Asthma: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Penny Hutchins Paquette, 2003.

6. Cultural Diversity: Conflicts and Challenges: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Kathlyn Gay, 2003.

7. Diabetes: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Katherine J. Moran, 2004.

8. When Will I Stop Hurting? Teens, Loss, and Grief: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Edward Myers, 2004.

The Ultimate Teen Guide

EDWARD MYERS

ILLUSTRATIONS BY KELLY ADAMS

It Happened to Me, No. 8

SCARECROW PRESS, INC.

Published in the United States of America
by Scarecrow Press, Inc.
A wholly owned subsidiary of
The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc.
4501 Forbes Boulevard, Suite 200, Lanham, Maryland 20706
www.scarecrowpress.com

Estover Road
Plymouth PL6 7PY
United Kingdom

Copyright 2004 by Edward Myers
First paperback edition 2006

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher.

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Information Available

The hardback edition of this book was previously cataloged under the title of When Will I Stop Hurting? Teens, Loss, and Grief by the Library of Congress as follows:

Myers, Edward, 1950

When will I stop hurting? : teens, loss, and grief / Edward Myers ; illustrations by Kelly Adams.

p. cm. (It happened to me ; no. 8)

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 0-8108-4921-6 (alk. paper)

1. Bereavement in adolescencePsychological aspects. 2. Grief in adolescence. 3. Loss (Psychology) in adolescence. I. Title. II. Series

BF724.3.G73 M94 2004

155.9'37'0835dc22 2003023698

ISBN: 0-8108-4921-6 (hardcover)

ISBN: 978-0-8108-5758-2 / 0-8108-5758-8 (paper)

The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard for Information SciencesPermanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992.
Manufactured in the United States of America.

Grief is the price we pay for love.

If you love someone and that person dies, youll be hit hard by the loss. The emotions you feel may differ from what other people feelgrief is a profoundly individual experience. But just as you have loved, you will grieve.

This situation is hardone of lifes hardest realitiesbut its what we face as human beings. Theres no point in pretending otherwise. Although modern American culture often goes to great lengths to ignore death and its effects on the living, grief is unavoidable. Grief, as the English author C. S. Lewis stated, is a universal and integral part of our experience of love.

Youre probably reading this book because someone you love has died. Or maybe someone is seriously ill. Youre feeling some painful, confusing emotions about whats happening. You want to understand these feelings and make sense of them. You want to ease your pain.

I sympathize with your situation because Ive been there, too. By the age of twenty, Id experienced the loss of all four of my grandparents, two friends, and a brother. My father died shortly after that, and my mother a few years later. I know what grief is, and I know its hard. Im sorry if youre dealing with your own losses.

But the great likelihood is that youll cope with these difficult experiences, adjust to your loss, and become a stronger, wiser person as a consequence. No one can make grief simply disappear. No one can make grief painless. Yet I can assure you of one thing: if you can understand grief and its effects on you, youll have an easier time adjusting to what has happened and coping with the complex, intense emotions typical of the grief process.

Thats why Ive written this book.

Heres a quick overview of When Will I Stop Hurting?

, Tales of Loss and Grief, presents a wide range of teenagers stories (in the teens own words) about the losses theyve experienced. Later chapters include quotes from many teens about specific issues theyve confronted during the course of bereavement.

, The Nature of Grief and Bereavement, provides an initial description of what grief is, what happens throughout the grief process, what emotions are typical, and how long this process typically lasts.

After these introductory sections, , Other Ways Loss and Grief Can Affect You, describes some of the personal and family consequences of losing someone you love.

then provide a wide range of suggestions for how to help yourself during bereavement. These arent cure-allsgrief will take a while to diminish, and nothing can make the process happen fast or without a lot of patience. But you can take many steps to ease your pain.

, Warning Signs, describes some issues to monitor. Grief is a normal process of adjusting to loss, and most people go through the experience without serious problems. But its good to keep an eye out for a few issues that can signal complications.

Finally, offers concluding thoughts about loss and grief in the words of teenagers, writers, and bereavement experts.

Theres also a resource guide that includes information about service agencies, books, and websites that may be helpful as you cope with grief.

Im aware that what were talking about here is a heavy subject. None of what follows is light reading. What Im hoping, however, is that if youve experienced a loss, these discussions will be useful.

I wish you well.

None of the following stories is long or detailed; each one is simply a teenagers brief comments about a loss that he or she has suffered. The reason Im quoting these stories is to show both the variety of loss and what teenagers experience during grief. I hope that what these teens have been through helps you realize that your own feelings are normalthat they are feelings you share with many other people.