First published in Great Britain 2018 by Trigger
Trigger is a trading style of Shaw Callaghan Ltd & Shaw Callaghan 23 USA, INC.
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Navigation House, 48 Millgate, Newark
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Copyright Jennifer Potter 2018
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior
permission in writing from the publisher
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available upon request
from the British Library
ISBN: 978-1-912478-88-0
This book is also available in the following e-Book and Audio formats:
MOBI: 978-1-912478-91-0
EPUB: 978-1-912478-89-7
PDF: 978-1-912478-90-3
AUDIO: 978-1-912478-92-7
Jennifer Potter has asserted her right under the Copyright,
Design and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work
Cover design and typeset by Fusion Graphic Design Ltd
Printed and bound in Great Britain by Clays Ltd, Elcograf S.p.A.
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Thank you for purchasing this book.
You are making an incredible difference.
Proceeds from all Trigger books go directly to
The Shaw Mind Foundation, a global charity that focuses
entirely on mental health. To find out more about
The Shaw Mind Foundation visit,
www.shawmindfoundation.org
MISSION STATEMENT
Our goal is to make help and support available for every
single person in society, from all walks of life.
We will never stop offering hope. These are our promises.
Trigger and The Shaw Mind Foundation
The Inspirational range from Trigger brings you true stories from our authors about how they have overcome some of life's
biggest challenges.
Some of the stories in our Inspirational range will move you to tears. Some will make you laugh. Some will make you feel angry, or surprised, or uplifted. But most of all, we hope that they will inspire you. Thats what this range is all about.
These are stories we can relate to and engage with. Stories of people who have faced down life's hardships, and overcome them with dignity, humour, and spirit.
Jennifer's story isn't always an easy read. But what comes over most strongly is her incredible strength and forbearance. Fighting against so many odds, Jennifer didn't just survive, she managed to thrive. She came through her experience with dignity, warmth, and a passion for helping others. She has relayed her story with bravery and honesty, and I think you will find this a hugely rewarding read.
Lauren Callaghan
To all the souls who have ever endured sexual trauma,
may you find happiness and peace in your heart.
Disclaimer: Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.
Trigger Warning: This book contains references to explicit
sexual assault and rape.
Trigger encourages diversity and different viewpoints, and is dedicated to telling genuine stories of people's experiences of mental health issues. However, all views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this book are the author's own, and are not necessarily representative of Trigger as an organisation.
foreword
Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.
Coco Chanel
This is my story. I share it with you to offer you something that Ive searched for 20 years to find: hope. I share it with the intention that if you, or someone you know, has also been affected by similar events, you can find your way to peace quicker than I have. I share it with you so that you know, whatever life throws at you, you and only you get to choose your life story.
I was raped when I was 17. After the event, I searched for a book that would offer me hope. Hope that my life as I thought it was wouldnt be over. Hope that the dreams I had before the rape could still come true, that I could like myself again, maybe even love myself. I never found that book. I found books about suicide, books about shame, books about loss, books about post-traumatic stress disorder. They all seemed to be lacking in a happy ending. They were stories about how to survive, not thrive; stories about too much compromise.
They made me feel worse. I wanted hope. I wanted to believe a happy ending was still possible. I wanted hope that trauma doesnt lead to an unhappy life or dreams no longer fulfillable. Hope that I could trust and perhaps even fall in love with a man who was worthy of my love and all I had to offer, and that I would be worthy of his love and all he had to offer me. Hope that I could live a normal life. Hope that the pain would eventually go away. Hope that the shame could be released rather than locked up (because, boy, did that take some effort). Hope that I wasnt indeed broken or damaged in the way I feared I might be. Hope that my life wasnt wrecked as the media would have me believe. Hope that I could feel love and be loved again.
I wanted my life back. And I was on a mission to bloody find it. I chose to thrive, not just survive. Of course, it wasnt always like that; there were lots of years where acceptance, compromise and living with feeling not good enough played out. But I never gave up looking and searching.
After I was raped, I threw myself head first into a marketing career with a big corporate in the UK. I thought that was all I had left; that and my family and friendships. I believed on some level that if I could gain success through work and being a great friend, I could feel significant again, that I could make it okay. In truth, I was just choosing to focus on something less painful. Over time, I became obsessed with fixing those parts of myself I believed to be broken as a result of the abuse. I studied hard, read books, went on courses, tried therapies, andall the time I was adding to my own skills both mentally and emotionally. Because of that, I am now here with a truckloadof insight, tools and tips that I want to share with otherpeople who have been affected by sexual abuse and rape, and the families and friends trying to help them.
Of course, none of this wisdom makes me qualified or an expert on anybody elses experience. Every persons story is unique to them. Hopefully this book can offer victims some hope or, at least, a safe place to explore some ideas about what may be possible whatever part of their journey they find themselves in; to know theyre not alone in how they think and feel. I dont know it all, but one thing I do know is that we all deserve to regain the happiness that gets taken from us when we are abused. We deserve to feel whole again, to feel good enough, to feel more than good enough.