Neil Hughes - Walking on Custard & the Meaning of Life: A Guide for Anxious Humans
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- Book:Walking on Custard & the Meaning of Life: A Guide for Anxious Humans
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Walking on Custard & the Meaning of Life: A Guide for Anxious Humans: summary, description and annotation
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Hes an idiot.
Or, at least, so his Inner Critic is constantly telling him. No wonder hes suffering from anxiety!
But somehow, during his nervous bumbling through life, he learned to live with anxiety and escape the unhelpful mental habits hed picked up along the way.
Oh... and he stumbled on the Meaning of Life, too.
Now hes sharing hilarious real-life stories, inventive fantasy fiction and badly-drawn graphs to help you to be less anxious and more happy.
In this compelling, surprising and delightful guide to life for humans, Neil explores the roots of anxiety and how to (gently) uproot them, all while battling the irritating interruptions from his doubtful Inner Critic.
Then - after sorting out love, crises, relationships, purpose, and contentment - he even considers how we can solve death and the Meaning of Life itself.
Whether youre pitying Neils hapless attempts to navigate the real world, or joining him on imaginary adventures to outer space or magical shops, youll discover deep insights into yourself, new techniques to live more happily, and plenty of laughs along the way.
And, somehow, it turns out everything can be explained using custard...
NOT PRAISE FOR NEIL HUGHES
Its not bad, I suppose - Neils Mum
Neil has a pleasing use of commas - Anonymous
it is a book - Isla McLoughlin, aged 2-and-a-half
SOME PRAISE FOR NEIL HUGHES
To merely call it a self-help book would be a complete disservice to the author. Part biography, part guide, and part Brothers Grimm Fairy Tales of the Strange... if only I had read this growing up then I might not have felt so alone. - Claire Eastham, weallmadhere.com
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Walking On Custard
& the Meaning of Life
by Neil Hughes
Walking on Custard & the Meaning of Life
Copyright 2015 Neil Hughes
The right of Neil Hughes to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him, in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written consent of the publishers.
Published by Enthusiastic Whim
www.enthusiasticwhim.com
Kindle edition ISBN: 978-0-9931668-2-2
Featuring cover art by Tom Humberstone
www.tomhumberstone.com
Chapter opening art by Tom Humberstone & Neil Hughes
Unprofessional doodles by Neil Hughes
"You're Beautiful" Kelly, Johnston, Emmausongs/IMRO 1999, recorded by Emmaus from the album "Closer Nearer", excerpt quoted with kind permission.
"Im Intense" Smith, Luke. Originally published with Beautiful Jo Records 2000, recorded by Luke Smith from the album "Its Not Wrong Its Just Different", excerpt quoted with kind permission.
"Time Trades" Lewis, Jeffrey. Rough Trade Records 2011, recorded by Jeffrey Lewis from the album "A Turn in the Dream-Songs", excerpt quoted with kind permission.
This book does not contain professional advice, on mental health, psychology, or on any subject whatsoever. It is not intended as a substitute for advice of any kind. If expert advice is needed, appropriate qualified professionals should be consulted.
Except for stories from the authors own life, this is a work of fiction. All names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the authors imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Where stories are based on the authors own life, names, identifying details, events and incidents have been changed, to protect the privacy of individuals, and also for entertainment purposes.
The author gratefully acknowledges the creators of the following typefaces, which were used in the production of some artwork:
Euphoria Script and Condiment, available under the SIL Open Font Licence, and Florante at Laura (Nyek!), Quikhand (no named licence), Belligerent Madness (Font Monkey) and Drafting Table (paid licence).
For Dad , who would have been very proud.
And for Mum, who has selfishly given me more patience and love than I could ever repay, thus leaving me forever in her debt.
I am lucky to have had the support of many wonderful people in taking this book from initial idea to completion. In no particular order, Id like to publicly thank:
Alasdair Dawson, Ellen Spaeth, Jon Matthias, Caitlin Watson, Tina Hannemann, Oscar Robson, Paul Dormand, Joshua Keel, Steph Pickerill, Pauline Potter, Lily Rattray and all the various Wrights and Hugheses.
Many thanks to each of you for your encouragement, ideas, comments, corrections and general excellence.
The fantastic cover and outlines for the chapter art are courtesy of the magnificently talented Tom Humberstone. Please dont blame him for any of the dodgy illustrations I attempted myself.
Thanks also to Glenn Thomas Davis, Ray Lardie (and all at the Puttytribe), Albert Johnson and John Rogers, who are always there to provide morale when hope fades.
Special acknowledgements must go to Bob Ginger and Gemma Scott for their expert assistance in eliminating errors and ensuring that no sentence ever trailed off without
but seriously, despite all this hard work it is impossible to entirely avoid mistakes, and so I can only apologise in advance for any errors that have accidentally crept in, be they typographical, factual, or simply terrible jokes.
Walking On Custard
& the Meaning of Life
CONTENTS
Er, hello.
Im a bit nervous. Ive not done this book thing before.
I hope I dont mess it up.
That is, if I havent messed it up already. Are you supposed to start a book by saying hello?
Im not sure reading it back, it doesnt feel very professional.
On the other hand, it feels polite to be welcoming. And even though I planned this bit to be dark, ominous and foreboding, politeness is important, right?
Just because Ive heard proper authors saying over and over again You dont have to start books with hello, you know, and how did you get my private email? doesnt mean I ought to let my standards slip.
So, hello it is, I guess.
But then again, maybe those authors I just made up had a good point.
I think Ive accidentally killed the ominous atmosphere before I even got it going.
Especially as I keep saying ominous. Thats three times already. All this repetition might dislodge the meaning from the word. Ominous. Ominous. Ominous. Yeah its gone. Its just a collection of sounds now. Ominous. Ominous.
Damn it. I was planning to warn you about a difficult bit coming up where we discuss a potentially upsetting topic. I thought itd be fun to be all dark and mysterious. But Ive completely screwed up the mood.
Okay dont worry. I have an idea
Maybe theres a way I can rescue this.
What if I draw a graph of the emotions associated with the first few bits of the book?
That way youll know about the ominous bit coming up, and you can prepare yourself accordingly.
(This is a great idea. I dont want to speak too soon, but I am one hundred percent sure I have saved this opening bit from disaster.)
Here we go:
Hm. Oh dear.
Looks like I screwed up again. Even more than last time.
That graph is terrible . It doesnt clarify anything at all, except, possibly, something to do with cheese.
And the only thing it successfully warns you is that Im incapable of drawing graphs under pressure.
Heres a better idea: lets forget that this whole opening ever happened. Its been an utter catastrophe.
Instead, let me tell a story
The shopkeeper twisted the lid tightly shut as she placed the jar in the final gap on the immense shelf. She paused, swiping away a little accumulated dust with her finger, before carefully settling the jar in its new home with the label proudly facing outward : EXCITABILIT Y .
She peered at the vessel, enjoying the sparkle and fizz of the contents, before shuffling back down the ladder. It had been a demanding day, but somehow amid the endless stream of customers she had managed to restock her supply of everything fro m ENTHUSIAS M t o IRRITABILIT Y .
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