Jessica Weisberg - Asking for a Friend: Three Centuries of Advice on Life, Love, Money, and Other Burning Questions From a Nation Obsessed
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T HIS BOOK WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE WITHOUT the tremendous editors of Nation Books, Katy ODonnell and Alessandra Bastagli. Thank you both for your patience, thoughtfulness, and various improvements to the manuscript. Thanks as well to all their dedicated colleagues at Hachette, especially Melissa Veronesi, my copy editor, Erin Granville, and my publicist Kristina Fazzarlo. Im also grateful to my agent, Nathaniel Jacks, who was a great source of support at every stage of the book-writing process.
Portions of the book first appeared on the New Yorkers website, where they were edited by the brilliant Sasha Weiss. Much of the chapter on Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt first appeared in Pacific Standard magazine, where it was deftly edited by T. A. Frank and Maria Streshinsky and doggedly fact-checked by Paul Bisceglio.
Speaking of advice, Kathryn Schultz, Elizabeth Little, and Alia Malek offered generous quantities of it as I was first setting out. Michele Choy managed to perform essential research while also working two other jobs and preparing for graduate school. Rob Weiner and the Chinati Foundation gave me a room of my own when I most needed one.
In my research, I consulted primary sources as much as possible, but I also relied on the scholarship and reporting of many great historians and journalists. I am particularly grateful for the work of Lili Loofbourow, Walter Isaacson, Adam D. Shprintzen, Jan Pottker, Bob Speziale, Thomas Maier, Steven Watts, Tracy Lucht, Barbara Ehrenreich, Deirdre English, and Peter N. Stearns. I urge everyone reading this to seek out their work.
Thanks to Mom, Dad, Cary, Tracy, Lindsay, Sandra, and Fiona and the many friends who plied me with encouragement and snacks as I hunkered down.
This book is dedicated to Ben, my husband. Thank you for pushing me to write this book in the first place and bearing with me as I did, for your inspiring kindness, your curious and magnificent mind, and for being my partner in every sense.
Preface
: Robert Ian Dowbiggin, A Merciful End: The Euthanasia Movement in Modern America (New York: Oxford University Press, 2004), 121.
: Melanie Lindner, What People Are Still Willing to Pay For, Forbes, January 15, 2009.
: Dan Ackman and Jeff Bauer, Heres Sound Advice: Write Book, Become Rich, Forbes, May 13, 2003.
: Nathanael West, Miss Lonelyhearts and The Day of the Locusts (New York: New Directions, 1950), 4.
: Ibid., 11.
: Michelle Lee, Fact Check: Has Trump Declared Bankruptcy Four or Six Times? Washington Post, September 26, 2016, www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2016/live-updates/general-election/real-time-fact-checking-and-analysis-of-the-first-presidential-debate/fact-check-has-trump-declared-bankruptcy-four-or-six-times/.
: Much of this paragraph is taken from my article The Advice Columnist We Deserve, The New Yorker, October 9, 2012.
: Cheryl Strayed [Sugar], Dear Sugar #48: Write Like a Motherfucker, The Rumpus, August 19, 2010, therumpus.net/2010/08/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-48-write-like-a-motherfucker/.
: Cheryl Strayed [Sugar], Dear Sugar #39: The Baby Bird, The Rumpus, June 3, 2010, therumpus.net/2010/06/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-39-the-baby-bird/.
: Cheryl Strayed [Sugar], Dear Sugar #78: The Obliterated Place, The Rumpus, July 1, 2011, therumpus.net/2011/07/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-78-the-obliterated-place/.
: Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique, 50th anniversary ed. (New York: W. W. Norton, 2013), 11.
: Cheryl Strayed [Sugar], Dear Sugar #76: The Woman Hanging on the End of the Line, The Rumpus, June 16, 2011, therumpus.net/2011/06/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-76-the-woman-hanging-on-the-end-of-a-line/.
: Cheryl Strayed [Sugar], Dear Sugar #44: How You Get Unstuck, The Rumpus, July 15, 2010, therumpus.net/2010/07/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-44-how-you-get-unstuck/.
PART ONE: OLD, WISE MEN
: Plato, The Republic, trans. G. H. Wells (London: George Bell and Sons, 1887), 13.
Chapter 1: In Praise of the Maggot, John Dunton
: Quoted in John Boyer Nichols, introduction to John Dunton, The Life and Errors of John Dunton, Citizen of London (London: J. Nichols, Son & Bently, 1818), v.
: Ibid., 23.
: Quoted in Gilbert D. McEwan, The Oracle of the Coffee House: John Duntons Athenian Mercury (Kingsport, TN: Kingsport Press, 1972), 15.
: Dunton, Life and Errors, 43.
: Ibid., ix.
: J. Paul Hunter, Before Novels: The Cultural Contexts of Eighteenth-Century English Fiction (New York: W. W. Norton, 1934), 318.
: Ibid., 72.
: Dunton, Life and Errors, 188.
: Dunton, Life and Errors, 188.
: Quoted in McEwan, The Oracle of the Coffee House, 1516.
: Hunter, Before Novels, 105.
: Quoted in McEwan, The Oracle of the Coffee House, 23.
:The Athenian Oracle, Being an Entire Collection of All the Valuable Questions and Answers in the Old Athenian Mercuries (1704; repr. Memphis, TN: General Books, 2012), 5.
: The Athenian Mercury: The Worlds First Advice Column, Professor Carmichaels Cabinet of Curiosities (blog), n.d., http://carmichaelscabinetofcuriosities.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-athenian-mercury-worlds-first.html.
:The Athenian Oracle, 12.
:The Athenian Oracle, 18.
: Quoted in Lili Loofbourow, Dear Athenian Mercury: Questions and Answers from the First Advice Column in English, The Awl, March 28, 2011, www.theawl.com/2011/03/dear-athenian-mercury-questions-and-answers-from-the-first-advice-column-in-english/.
:The Athenian Oracle, 245.
Sex Issue, The Awl, April, 21, 2011, www.theawl.com/2011/04/dear-athenian-mercury-the-non-reproductive-sex-issue/.
: McEwan, The Oracle of the Coffee House, 3.
: Quoted in Loofbourow, Dear Athenian Mercury: Questions and Answers from the First Advice Column in English.
: Quoted in Joanna Picciotto, Labors of Innocence in Early Modern England (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 2010), 311.
:The Athenian Oracle, 85.
: Ibid., 93.
: Ibid., 183.
: Ibid., 210.
: McEwan, The Oracle of the Coffee House, 36.
: Quoted in Lili Loofbourow, The Mouse That Crawled Up Inside a Man, and Other Urban Legends of the 17th Century, The Awl, June 3, 2011, www.theawl.com/2011/06/the-mouse-that-crawled-up-inside-a-man-and-other-urban-legends-of-the-17th-century/.
: Alison Adburgham, Women in Print: Writing Women and Womens Magazines from the Restoration to the Accession of Victoria (London: Faber and Faber, 2012), 23.
:The Athenian Oracle, 97.
:The Athenian Oracle, 26.
:The Athenian Mercury, vol. 20, June 14, 1697. Courtesy of Brian Cowan.
: Dunton, Life and Errors, 529.
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