Jessica Walsh - 40 Days of Dating. An Experiment

TO EVERYONE WHO is SEARCHING for LOVE, for FRIENDSHIP, for JOY, for MEANING. AND to OUR MOMS!

CONTENTS

PREFACE

One day in December of 2012, frustrated and disappointed with our love lives, we came up with the idea for an experiment. We had been good friends and peers in the graphic design world for years, and we were constantly surprised by how consistent our opposite relationship problems were. Based on the adage that it takes forty days to change a bad habit, we decided that dating each other for forty days, even though our relationship had always been platonic, would force us to explore our issues and maybe even break our own bad love habits. At the beginning of the experiment, we established six rules designed to enforce this emotional and physical investment in each other during the forty days, such as filling out a daily questionnaire, keeping a journal, and seeing a couples therapist once a week. We thought that if we could carry this out with as much sincerity as possible, then maybe we could not only help ourselves, but potentially create a larger dialogue to help the many others out there, who, like us, are looking for love.

We did not make the decision to create the 40 Days of Dating blog until after our experiment. In the blog, we shared what we each had recorded in our journals while we were dating, which most sane people would never reveal to the world. Well, neither of us was prepared for the fact that the project would go viral, or that we would be featured in major news media all over the world. Suffice it to say, its been an amazing journey!

One of the many positive outcomes of the blog is the book you now hold in your hands.

While this book contains the entire blog, it is so much more than that. We reveal, for the first time, everything that went on between us after the experiment, and after we launched the blog. We talk about everything that led up to the blog, going back to our childhoods and our parents relationships and how they affected us. We asked lots of other people to tell us their own relationship storieshow they met the love of their life, how love fits into their life (or not), their worst datesits all here. We also added an extra layer to the blog, in the margins, that contains our personal remarks on each others entries. Finally, theres a ton of new art throughout the book and other good stuff we thought you might appreciate.

This project has become a real labor of love for us, and we hope you get as much out of it as we have. It has been an incredible trip, as you will see, even the difficult, awkward, and weird parts. In many ways, 40 Days of Datingthe bookis nothing like you might expect: Its honest, raw, funny, sad, but at the same time full of hope. While some dismissed the blog as a side-effect of the too-much-information generation, many more have been loyal followers of our journeyhating to love it, loving to hate it, or just simply loving it. You be the judgeand we hope you enjoy!

Tim + Jessie

Relationship patterns are a little like fingerprintswe all have them and each is utterly unique. Like it or not, were all shaped in one way or another by our families, our childhoods, our upbringing. Heres a snapshot of where we came from, who we were long before we met, and how we became friends over the years. It may provide some insight into our relationship struggles.

JESSICA

OUR PAST

Jessica Walsh

What were you like as a child? I was a curious and inquisitive child with an active imagination. Among close family and friends I was confident, outspoken, and boisterous. My mom called me Monkey, as I was always climbing and jumping on things, exploring the outdoors, looking for my next adventure. At home I was assertive and confident, but around new people I was timid and reserved. Being very shy made it difficult to make new friends, and I often felt like an outsider in school. I was also the black sheep in my family: the artistic, sensitive, intuitive child in a family of rational-minded left-brained thinkers.

What memories do you have of your parents? When my mother was pregnant with me, my parents quit their jobs and started a software company together. I grew up with their business. I watched throughout my childhood as their hard work and perseverance paid off. My parents taught us to focus on what we want and go after it. They told us to never settle and never give up. I think this approach has affected my outlook in many areas of life, including dating.

Who were your heroes or role models when you were a child? I always saw my parents as perfect role models whom I should aspire to. They had a successful marriage and a successful business. They had great friends and family and were always great parents to us. But while I admired them, I was also intimidated by them. I sometimes worried if Id ever live up to their success. I spent a lot of time trying to please and impress them when I was younger.

Were your parents strict? At times when I was younger I felt frustrated by how involved my parents were. I was jealous of my friends who had no after-school commitments or had laid-back parents who set no curfews.

Looking back, I feel lucky I had parents who cared so much. They loved us, looked out for us, and truly wanted the best for us. I think in many ways they just wanted us to have all the experiences and opportunities they couldnt afford growing up.

What did you want to be when you grew up? When I was very young it was clear my passion was in art. I loved to draw and paint, but I never imagined I could make a career out of it. I always assumed it would be a hobby, and Id follow in my parents footsteps and go into business or sales.

When I was eleven years old, I became obsessed with computers and taught myself how to code websites and to use graphic art software. When I was twelve, one of the websites I created became very popular. I started making money off the site through advertising. I remember opening one of the large checks that came in the mail and thinking it was the greatest thing in the world that I could make money doing something I loved. This success as a child gave me the courage and confidence to pursue a career in design and the arts.

Were you a good student? Yes, I was a bit of a perfectionist in every aspect of life. I was one of those annoying kids obsessed with organizing books and class notes, color-coding folders, and always doing the extra-credit assignment.

Are your parents together? What is their relationship like?