Douglas Gibson - Tales of a Fifth-Grade Knight

FOR STACEY, ON HER BIRTHDAY

I guess I should tell you about me. Im Isaac Thompson, Im in fifth grade, and honestly? Im nothing special. I like video games, and I get okay grades, and so far neither of my parents has died tragically or gone missing. Until last November, I had led a completely ordinary life. So if youre going to make any sense of what happened to me and my friends Max and Emma and my little sister, Lily, Im going to have to tell you about our school first. And the first thing you should know about our school is that its old. Its actually a castle. A millionaire had it brought over from England and put back together at the top of Clingers Hill, here in Bennetsville, where I live. When he died, he donated the castle to the town, but the townspeople took one look at this creepy, drafty, damp heap of rocks with a dungeon and said, Hey! Lets turn it into a school. And so our school Castle Elementary was born.

Even before the millionaire brought it over from England, this castle was known for weird stuff. It was supposed to have ghosts (including one that turned cakes into pies, another one that turned pies into cakes, and a third that turned mashed potatoes into curly fries). It was also supposed to be cursed (apparently every third person who entered the castle came out in a tutu).

After it became a school, though, things got even weirder. For example, every once in a while during announcements, this creepy voice takes over the intercom and mutters, flapjacks... flapjacks... flapjacks. And sometimes all the toilets in the third-floor boys bathroom turn into fountains and shoot out synchronized jets of red-, white-, and blue-colored water (Ive heard that the jets spray in time to Yankee Doodle, but Ive never seen them myself). And just last year, six kids and a teacher got trapped in a secret chamber behind a wall in the cafeteria. They only got out because they managed to tie a note that read, Help us! Were trapped in a secret chamber behind the wall! to the leg of a cockroach.

But the weirdest thing that ever happened at our school happened to me and my friends and my little sister. Our story started when the four of us stayed after school with some other kids to rehearse the school play. (Lily wasnt in the play, but she stayed after so Mom could pick us up at the same time.)

The play was The Sword in the Stone, and in it King Arthur (actually Billy Rodriguez) proves hes king by pulling a sword from an anvil set on top of a stone. (Im pretty sure thats not how you become a king, but its not like Mrs. Applebaum cares what I think. We go to Castle Elementary, and the play had knights and stuff in it, and that was enough for her.) Old Man McTavish, our school janitor, had put together the stone/anvil/sword setup, and nobody could get the sword out. Not Billy Rodriguez, not Mrs. Applebaum. Not my best friend Max he gave it a try because hes crazy about knights and had wanted to play King Arthur except Mrs. Applebaum said he was too small to be the lead.

Max got it into his head that if he got the sword out theyd have to make him King Arthur, so he stood on the anvil and pulled, he laid it on its side and pulled, and he held it upside down (using his feet) and pulled until he got red in the face and Mrs. Applebaum told him to take a rest. But the sword never moved, and finally Mrs. Applebaum sent Billy Rodriguez to get Old Man McTavish, who had to take the whole thing apart.

With all that, the rehearsal went an hour long, and by that time, I had forgotten about Lily. I didnt completely forget I didnt leave without her but I didnt remember her until everyone was gone, and Mrs. Applebaum had turned out most of the lights and gone out herself, and it was me and Max and Emma inside our big, dark cafeteria that doubles as an auditorium.

Lily? My voice echoed. Lily?

Emma said we should split up and look for her, so Max looked under all the tables on one side of the cafeteria. I looked under the tables on the other side. And Emma went backstage. We checked and double-checked, but we didnt find Lily until Emma came from backstage and started looking in the storage space under the stage.

And thats where Lily was.

She hadnt heard us because she was playing with her ElfSelf dolls. If youre lucky enough not to have heard of ElfSelf dolls, theyre these little dolls that look like, well, elves, I guess, with silky wings and pointy ears and hair in different neon colors. I dont know how many of them they make, but each one comes with a piece of a costume a bracelet, or a ring, or even a kind of a dress that matches something the elf is wearing but is kid-sized. Thats why they call it ElfSelf you get to put on this costume and pretend youre one of the dolls. (Their jingle ends, And you can be an elf yourself! ElfSelf! I hate that song.)

So Lily was playing with an elf doll that had a crown, and she also wore a crown, a rickety plastic thing with a big red round plastic jewel on the front. And she was completely out of it.

Lily is like that. When she plays, she plays, and it can be really hard to get through to her.

I know this is going to sound immature thats what my mom would call it but we were already late leaving, and wed been looking and calling for Lily for ten minutes. She could have answered at any time, and we couldve been out of there by then. So to see her there playing with her doll and wearing her crown made me mad. And thats why I reached under the stage, grabbed her arm, and dragged her out of the cafeteria.

Isaac! Let go of me! she yelled.

I knew I was being mean, but honestly. It was getting late, I was getting hungry, and Lily was getting on my nerves. So I dragged her down the hall toward the parking lot.

And thats when it happened. I heard a loud clack, then a sharp tick tick ticka ticka tick tick tick roll. Lily screamed even louder for a second, and I turned around.

There on the floor was her ElfSelf crown. I was glad to have an excuse to stop for a moment and calm down, so I took a deep breath, picked up the crown, and tried to hand it to Lily, who was standing with her lips scrunched up and her eyebrows close together. At least she isnt crying, I thought. If Mom noticed she was mad, shed just assume wed had a fight. If she saw Lily crying, though, I would be in trouble.

Here, I said, tapping her on her crossed arms with the crown. Just carry it, okay?

Hmph. I didnt think her lips could curl up any more, but they did.

Come on. I unfolded one of her arms and put the crown in her hand. There, I said. Can we go now?

I had just started to walk down the hall again when I heard the last thing I wanted to hear Lily crying. The jewel gem! she screamed. The jewel gem! Its gone!

I turned back. What are you talking about?

Lilys face had turned bright red. The jewel gem! She pointed at the crown.

Max and Emma came up beside us. Max said, I thought jewels and gems were the same thing. I had always wondered about that, too, but at that moment I saw what Lily was pointing at and realized I had bigger problems.

The red plastic jewel that had been in the front of Lilys crown was missing.