Wilkinson - Being Kendra: Cribs, Cocktails, and Getting My Sexy Back

KENDRA WILKINSON is the star of the reality series Kendra and a former star of the massively popular show The Girls Next Door. Her first book, Sliding into Home, was a runaway success and a New York Times bestseller. She lives in Calabasas, California, with her husband, Hank Baskett, and their son, Hank Jr.

JARED SHAPIRO is the executive editor of Life & Style Weekly magazine.

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Id like to thank my family, friends, and Team Kendra, especially Hank Baskett III, Hank Baskett IV, Patti and Colin Wilkinson, Mary Stotz, Hank and Judy Baskett, Randy Curtis, Brittany Byers, Brittany Binger, Mykelle Sabin, Jessica Hall, Hugh Hefner, Kevin Burns, Brian Dow, Kira Costello, Eddie Bochniak, Lindsay Albanese, Julia Papworth, Brian Roxxy Bond, Allan Avendao, Steve Fisher, and Jared Shapiro.

A s you can see, Hank and I dont do much by the book. When Hank Jr. was born, we had a lot to learn about being parents. It all seemed to happen so fastand, of course, on-camera. I tried a fake it till you make it attitude and followed my basic motherly instincts to figure it all out. It wasnt perfect, but our experiences as a family over the last two years have been perfectly us.

Most happily married couples live under the same roof. For the first two years of our marriage, Hank and I didnt even come close to that; we spent most of the time on opposite sides of the country. Most couples wait until they get back to their honeymoon suite to get it on after the wedding, and as you know from Sliding into Home, we didnt even make it out of the limo before that happened. Most married couples wait until six weeks after birth to start having sex, Hank and I lasted thirty days. We dont follow rulesother than no cheating and no texting and driving. We make up our own as we go. And when it comes to parenting, we found our way by going off instincts and intuition. Its not always smooth and its not always successful, but ultimately, were raising a pretty happy, pretty healthy kid.

Being a parent has transformed me in every way possible. And perhaps most surprisingly, it has made me be more social. I admit I dont have that many close friends, but ever since we moved into our new Calabasas neighborhood, Ive definitely made more of an effort.

Being a mom introduced me to a different side of friendship, based on sharing experiences, hopes and dreams, and, of course, fears. I didnt meet a lot of real friends in the ten years I spent hanging out in strip clubs and nightclubs. I trusted very few people and as a result had only a few confidants. But its so much easier when your common interests are being moms instead of partying in the same circle. I met this mom at the park in my new neighborhood and we started talking because we were both there with our kids. Thats all it took! Youve got a kid, Ive got a kid, we are both here watching them go down the slide, lets talk! None of these moms in a million years would have approached me without baby Hank. Being a mom has opened me up to a whole world of friends and experiences I would otherwise have been closed off to.

As soon as I moved in, I became good friends with my neighbor. She has a little girl who is about three years old, and Hank Jr. just adores her (I mean, she feeds him grapeswhat more could a guy ask for?). We get together and talk and talk. And what I love about her is that, like me, she doesnt let the mom label define her. Well have a glass of wine (or two) while were sitting in the backyard watching the kids. We dont talk about diapers and creams and rashes, we talk about tanning and fashion and the news. We dont limit ourselves to just talking about raising our kids. Im sure a lot of moms, like me, once had a wild life full of boys, booze, and late-night bashes. Now, like me, its cribs, crying, and hopefully a cocktail here and there. Because I never want to totally give up who I am and where Ive been.

Kicking back with my neighbor and a glass of Pinot Grigio, all I can do is smile at how far Ive come. I used to think all that mattered was my body, my looks, partying, and feeling good for the moment. Boy was I wrong. The less I pay attention to those things, the happier I feel. Ive redefined myself. People actually come up to me and say, Kendra, I just wanna say Im a huge fan and I think you are an amazing mom and inspiration to us all for how far youve come. Yes! Thats a far cry from being asked to sign girls boobs with a Sharpie or posing with my lips on some drunken businessmans cheek for $20 a photo. I got to where I am because I embraced my new role as a mom. And now that Im finally settling into that role, I can sit back and have some wine. I can fit into my tight jeans again, and who knows, maybe I will take it all off again. But only if I want to.

I know I cant keep reenacting my life forever. This show will end, and at some point (very soon) we want to have another baby. I think we are done after twoI love the balance that we have now. Its so easy to be able to hand Hank Jr. off to Dad when I need to, and vice versa. With two kids, thats just not a possibility. We want to be able to raise our kids and have time to go to the lake and fish. Right now we are planning on two kids and closing the shop. Then again, who knows how Ill feel after we are a family of four. And, hey, accidents happenjust ask Hank Jr.!

It took a few years and a few battles, both internal and external, but Im finally comfortable with my life, crazy as it may be. Every day I strive to keep the balance between what baby Hank needs from me as a mom and what Hank needs from me as a wife. But right now, Im enjoying the busy lifescheduling playdates and photo shoots, filming Hank Jr.s first words and my workout videosand I try to savor every moment.

At some point Im going to have to slow down. I dont believe you can successfully raise two children while working as hard as Hank and I do, especially if we want to be the ones raising our kids and not leaving it to a group of nannies. I know Hank will finish up his football career one day and hell have to figure out what he wants to do. For me, its just a matter of if and when I pull the plug on letting the cameras film me. I love to work, but maybe its in a different capacity.

I have a lot of interests and I hope to find something that Im good at after Kendra runs its course. I might enjoy going behind the camera or out in the field and working on something like a cop show. I would like to start a production company. Everything in my life is natural and organic (except my boobs) and I want to keep living life like that and take each opportunity as it comes. Right now my job is being me, my talent is being a wife and mother, and my goals are trying to keep it all in balance.

Its hard to think about what my life will be like as we get older. But one question I am always asked is How are you going to explain to your kid what youve done in your lifetime? Yes, after stripping, being Hugh Hefners girlfriend, and having a sex tape, I will have to explain to Hank Jr. what Mommy did before he was born, and because she was famous there were consequences. Im sure a lot of people videotape themselves having sex with someone. It happens. But not everyone becomes famous years later and then has it released. Im not going to tell Hank Jr. it was a mistake. I dont believe in mistakes. Im not going to shove it in his face and say, Mom dated Hugh Hefner and shared a bed with a lot of different girlfriends, but I will tell him what was going on in my life at that time. In this day and age, hes going to find out sooner or later, and Im not sure if I should bring it up myself or wait for him to ask questions. Ill just do what Ive always done and trust my instincts.

These instincts led us to our dream house in Calabasas, now my safe haven in the world. Baby Hank has his own room, and I have my own bathtub, both of which are really important to me. Ive realized that not being in a stable, secure home was the root of a lot of problems when I was pregnant and just after Hank was born. I didnt know where I was going or where I belonged. Of course, there were other forces at work, but Id like to think it would have been a lot easier to manage if I had been home in a nice cozy house with my husband and other supporting characters. Its like when psychologists ask a child to draw a picture and everything on the paper is floatingthats probably what my drawing would have been like. Nothing was grounded. Its impossible to make the right decisions and live a proper life when everything is in limbo.