David - The complete guide to gay and lesbian weddings

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Contents

This Book Is Dedicated to Doris

When her small-town religious friends found out she was a lesbian, they scorned and abandoned her. Her family disowned her. She thought she was alone with nowhere to turn all simply because she was trying to come out of the darkness and be who she really was.

And when it seemed that there was no more hope, only more darkness, she took her life out of desperation.

We hope that she is somehow able to feel all of the incredible love these wedding couples have for each other. She, above all, would understand that theyre just celebrating the infinite diversity of Gods creation and His unconditional love.

Because of Doris, and the trials she endured, theres now more hope in this world. Its a hope that was born and then blossomed because of her pain; her gift to all of us.

Introduction

You have to love your partner for who they really are. I dont want to make her into just some mirror image of who I am. That wouldnt be fair.

HEATHER

Love Is Love in All Its Forms

When St. Martins Press approached me and my dedicated team to do a book about gay weddings, and all of the many details that are associated with the subject, I felt confident that my exceptional team and I could handle the challenge. I am now openly gay and have been in a long-term relationship with my partner. In fact, in 2002, after being together for over eleven years, we had a wonderful ceremony of our own in the captivating state of Vermont at Castle Hill, an incredible property constructed at the turn of the century. Our ceremony took place in their Old World library, which was an outstanding setting.

I personally have over ten years of experience as a wedding consultant at the 8-Diamond inn and restaurant that Doc and I own and operate together in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. Then of course theres the website, GayWeddings.com, which I launched in 1998, where we have helped hundreds of couples plan their ceremonies and find everything from attorneys to resources for starting a family.

If anybody was qualified to write a book covering gay weddings, I thought I might be, along with my excellent staff. I certainly have had a great deal of experience with gay weddings, but underneath this bravado, there was a part of me that was still apprehensive about the whole thing. There seemed to me to be a nagging question that still was lingering in the back of my head after all this time: How would I make this book different from other traditional wedding books that were already out there?

With the encouragement of my team at GayWeddings.com, I decided to take on the challenge, and together we resolved to write a wedding book that would be a unique guide to planning your wedding day, geared solely toward the gay and lesbian community.

The decision was made, the contract was signed and I was outta there! I decided we should start our research right away, so we split to attend a gay wedding of friends of ours in Capri, Italy! You understand that I considered this trip to be about nothing but business and research, right? Right!

Doc and I spent three fantastic days and nights on the beautiful island of Capri, celebrating the wedding of these two very special friends. In between the festivities, of course, we had to swim, sun ourselves, and visit the Blue Grotto.

During all of the festivities, I would think about the book (from time to time) and ask myself how this couples ceremony was different from any other traditional couples wedding. There really didnt seem to be much difference at all, other than the fact that they were both the same sex. I couldnt come up with a ready answer. I couldnt think about it for long because with everything going on, I found myself distracted again. There would be another toast to the couple and Id be back in party mode once again! Book? What book?

After the wedding, we were off to the exquisite coast city of Positano for another two weeks extended work leave. Now I could really focus on the tasks at handrelaxing and eating wonderful food! No, no, the book, I reminded myself. Im supposed to be figuring out how these weddings are different from all of the other straight wedding guides, remember?

There were the blatantly obvious differences that everyone recognizes between gay weddings and traditional ones: two brides, two grooms. Ive learned over the years that gay and lesbian weddings are also usually much more creative than straight weddings in their style and presentation. And there was no doubt in my mind that every one that I had attended was truly moving and tugged at the heartstrings. (And I will admit that my feelings were influenced by my sexual orientation and life experience, no doubt about that.) It does take a lot of courage not only to stand up at that altar, but also to stand up and be who you truly are. Thats for sure.

There seemed to be another difference, too. Gay couples didnt seem to feel the need to follow a traditionally outlined format, down to the letter, like most straight couples do. At the gay weddings I attended, the couples were never afraid to follow their hearts and show deep emotion when it bubbled up from within them.

At dinner the last night of our stay in Positano, Doc and I sat staring out over the harbor lights and the sea. Off in the distance we heard a mandolin playing Santa Lucia. As I sat there slowly sipping my wine and taking it all in, I remembered the laughter and tears we had been part of at our friends wedding just a few days before. These were very familiar feelings to me. They were the same warm feelings of love and hope that had been expressed at our wedding and at all weddings, straight or gay, that Id ever attended.

And then I realized how my wedding book could be different from all the other wedding books out there: It could clarify that, in reality, there arent any major differences between gay and straight weddings. Love is love in all its many forms!

The book produced by GayWeddings.com would be written for gay and lesbian couples who were planning a wedding, but we would also be inclusive. Traditional straight couples could also read it if they wanted to, to gather ideas from our community. Our book would be different in that its target audience would be gays and straights together, but always with an emphasis on the same-sex couples that we were trying to help. Ours would be an all-inclusive guide, addressing the issues and concerns of prenuptial couples and the attending straight guests.

Its fitting that the concept for this book should have been born in Italy, the land of romance and love. (Did I mention that Doc is Italian, from Milan?) Thats a big part of what weddings should be about: romance and love. Dont you think? Add to that a mixture of compassion, sincerity, courage, commitment, and the need to express who we really are, and youll be close to knowing what it is to be one of the people having a gay wedding.