David Toussaint - Gay and Lesbian Weddings: Planning the Perfect Same-Sex Ceremony

A Ballantine Book
Published by The Random House Publishing Group
Copyright 2004 by David Toussaint
Photographs 2004 by Piero Ribelli

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by Ballantine Books, an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto.

Ballantine and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

www.ballantinebooks.com

eISBN: 978-0-307-48537-3

v3.1

Cathy & Leah

WHO: Cathy Renna, thirty-eight, and Leah McElrath, thirty-nine.

WHEN: Saturday, November 22, 2003.

WHERE: Seamans Church Institute, New York City. Eighty guests for a sunset family-style dinner at the institute. A southernItalian combination of steak, chicken, and pasta platters.

THE SOUND OF MUSIC: Pop singer Randi Driscoll performed. Shes a little like Sarah McLachlan, but not as depressing, says Cathy.

THE SOUND OF SILENCE: No DJ. We didnt want someone announcing the couple, says Cathy.

FIRST DANCE: You Are So Beautiful.

THE WAY THEY WORE: Leah wore a custom-made cream-colored dress, which Cathy didnt see until the day of the wedding. Cathy wore a cream-colored tux jacket with black slacks.

IN ATTENDANCE: Cathys sister and Leahs stepfather did readings.

NOTICEABLY ABSENT: Maids of honor, bridesmaids, flower girl, ushers.

HOLY MATRIMONY: The officiant is an elder with the Church of Christ in Washington, as well as an ordained Southern Baptist minister.

HOLY SURPRISE! Hes also gay.

WHAT THEY OVERCAME: Convincing Cathys mother it was a real wedding. As much as she loves Leah, when it came to a wedding she had to gradually accept it. Once she got involved with the planning, she started to come around. Then she turned into the typical Long Island Italian mother and wondered if we paid the caterer in cash, if wed get a discount.

AFTERGLOW: A simple Sunday brunch with close friends.

HONEYMOON G-SPOT: Two weeks at a beach house in Provincetown, dog in tow.

PARTING WORDS: The wedding wasnt political, Cathy says. It was along the lines of Quaker thinking, the idea that you ask for support from your community.

C hances are, there will be many different kinds of people picking up this book. Some of you will have, no doubt, already found the love of your life, and have just decided to cement your relationship with a gay wedding ceremony. Others will be somewhere in the midst of planning when you come to the realization that you need a little help along the way. There might even be dreamers among you, those of you who have either recently come out or are still struggling with your sexual identity, but know that a marriage, legal or otherwise, is part of your life plan, like a house in the suburbs, two children, and a dog. Among you there might even be a parent, brother, or best friend of a gay man or woman who hopes that this book will make an honest, committed partner out of your gay or lesbian loved one. Finally, this book is for all of you, with love at heart and an open mind.

In a world that is not always so kind, we want to create something that is, above all, honest and positive. Its our goal to help you through the stages of what will, undoubtedly, be one of the most memorable times of your life. As you follow your heart on the way to wedded bliss, youll be spreading positive energy throughout the world. Embrace yourselves, embrace your love, and enjoy the ride.

Lets get something, um, straight, right away. Were not going to tell you that relationships are perfect, or that getting married means youre headed for utopia. Which means, for starters, that were assuming those of you planning a wedding have already slept with your partners. If you havent, for Gods sake put this book down and get to it. Just like you dont buy the car before taking it on a test drive, you never say I do until you can say Weve done it. And even if your union brings you memories to last a lifetime, that doesnt necessarily mean youll spend the rest of your lives together. Sadly, 50 percent of heterosexual marriages end in divorce, and theres no indication that this statistic is going to change anytime soon. Theres also no magical statistic we can give you to reassure you that the percentages will be any different for homosexual unions. And though much progress has been made in the past few decadesprogress that needs to be celebrated and cherished every dayyoud be unwise to believe that, by having a wedding, homophobia will erase itself from the world, that those friends and relatives who havent spoken to you since you announced you were gay will finally come around, or that youll never again be discriminated against, be called a dirty name, or deal with any of the myriad other obstacles homosexuals face.