Cathy Howes - The Wedding Pocket Bible

CATHY HOWES

The Wedding Pocket Bible

Cathy Howes

This first edition is published in 2010 by Crimson Publishing Crimson Publishing, Westminster House, Kew Road, Richmond, Surrey TW9 2ND

Crimson Publishing, 2010

Epub edition 2011 ISBN: 978-1-907087-43-1

The author Cathy Howes has asserted her moral rights to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with the Copyrights, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

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A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

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Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.

Antoine de Saint-Exupry, French writer 1900-1944

A wedding is fundamentally about two people promising to love each other for the rest of their lives. Its a simple enough premise youd think, but its one that has evolved through the centuries from a simple celebration steeped in tradition and superstition to an industry worth billions of pounds a year in the UK. Its not for nothing the term bridezilla came in to common usage to describe the frantic, frazzled, often competitive bride-to-be who doesnt know her ranunculus from her recessional and feels like shes run several marathons by the time she reaches the moment she says her vows.

If you are that frazzled bride-to-be (or youre engaged to her!) this book doesnt set out to tell you how to get married, what colour schemes to use or how many bridesmaids you should have they are your decisions and you should have fun with them its about collecting together all the facts, traditions, trends and tips that can help you make those decisions, give you food for thought, inspiring ideas and, frankly, a laugh now and then. There are Stress Buster tips for when the pressure gets a bit much, Money Saver tips with suggestions for how you can trim your budget and plenty of snippets of wedformation which are not things you have to do, but guidelines that might smooth your journey to the big day when you say I do.

This book is here to help you understand the ins and outs of a wedding, and offer you a handy reference for you to check the basic information at each step so that youre free to focus on all the details to make your wedding truly special.

Congratulations youve decided to get married. Youve made the decision to devote your life to someone else. Thats the easy part, now you have to plan your wedding. This chapter looks at the first steps you should take, gives you some background information on what it means to be engaged and how you can celebrate and share your news with your loved ones.

Back in the dark days of the Anglo-Saxons, a wedding was more a secular arrangement than a religious sacrament. The girl and her young man would plight their troth and some money or land would be exchanged as part of the deal. A priest might have popped along to give his blessing, but it was more a business arrangement than a romantic rite of passage. In fact the derivation of the word wedding is thought to come from the Anglo-Saxon for wager ie the groom betting on a better future with the money his new bride would bring as a dowry!

Later during the heady days of serial groom King Henry VIII, boys as young as 14 and girls as young as 12 were often betrothed in marriage and it remained more of a business deal than a romantic whim. Usually betrothals were more a case of pushy parents signing land-grabbing deals and haggling over dowries than anything to do with love. Over the centuries the ages of a bride and groom crept up so that they were at least mature enough to make their own decisions. Forty years ago, in 1970, the average age of a bride was 22 and a groom was 24.

Today the average age for a man to get married is 31, while his fiance is aged between 29 and 30. In all likelihood they are also both established in their jobs, financially independent from their families and living together. And it is now the couple themselves who announce their intentions to get married to their parents, not the other way around.

Pocket fact

In 2007 a former Lord Mayor of Torbay, James Mason, 93, married Peggy Clark, 84, and the couple became one of the UKs oldest newlyweds with a combined age of 177 years. James popped the question after theyd known each other for only three days. They were married a month later after agreeing that there wasnt much point in a long engagement!

I love your daughter, Jack. I love her more than anything. But frankly, sir, Im a little terrified of being your son-in-law.

Ben Stiller, Meet the Parents

Some modern, independent women scoff at the idea of their boyfriend asking their dads permission for their hand in marriage, although others still see it as a gesture of respect rather than ownership. Its one of the seemingly old fashioned traditions that many brides like to hang on to because it marks the occasion and is the first of many rites of passage associated with tying the knot.

In the film Meet the Parents (2000), actors Ben Stiller and Robert de Niro starred in an entire film devoted to the idea that a potential groom has to get the father-in-laws blessing before popping the question, proving the extent to which this desire to uphold.)

Pocket fact

Before proposing to Friends star Courteney Cox, traditionalist David Arquette called on her parents, Richard and Courteney, and asked their permission to marry their daughter.

With roughly 80% of women saying they were disappointed by their partners proposal theres a lot of pressure for a man to get it right. Do you go for extravagant sky-writing, a quiet proposal over a candle-lit dinner, or something more personal like going back to the place you met? Of course theres also the option some women who are tired of waiting for their man to pop the question choose to follow: a 5th century tradition which allows women to propose on 29 February during a leap year.

However the proposal happens it will be a happy moment you will remember for the rest of your life.

The history of leap year proposals

The tradition of leap year proposals is credited to Irelands famous St Bridget back in the 5th century. Apparently many of the nuns under St Bridgets care were keen to get married (in the days when nuns were allowed to) but proposals were a bit thin on the ground. So the redoubtable Bridget turned to Irelands premier saint, St Patrick, for guidance and he granted the nuns permission to pop the question every four years on 29 February. (Although whether the number of weddings among the lonely nuns soared is not a matter of record!) Despite the custom that women can traditionally propose to their menfolk in a leap year, its believed that less than 10% of proposals in the UK come from women.