Sarah Knight - You do you : how to be who you are and use what you’ve got to get what you want

Today you are You!

That is truer than true!

There is no one alive

who is You-er than You!

Dr. Seuss

Life gets exponentially better once you stop giving a fuck about what other people think and start doing what you really want to do. I know this in part because I wrote two entire books on these subjects and theyve made a lot of peopleeven Germans!very happy. Perhaps you are one of those people/Germans? If so, you know that my firstborn, The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck, taught readers how to say no, set boundaries, and stop wasting time, energy, and money on things that dont bring them joy.

It was LIBERATING.

The sequel, Get Your Shit Together, taught people how to set goals and achieve them.

It was WEAPONIZING.

But the best part about those booksapart from two enduringly useful flowcharts that still pop up from time to time on social mediais that their success enabled me to write this one.

This one is EMPOWERING.

And at the risk of blowing your mind up front, the first thing Im going to do here is unleash the most life-changing statement Ive made to date. My pice de rsistance. The Mona Lisa of Dear Abbys. Your new secret weapon.

In the immortal words of Destinys Child are you ready for this?

Whoa. Are your arm hairs standing up a little straighter? Do you detect angels revving up a chorus in the next room? Perhaps youre in need of a cold shower to quell the frisson in your nethers?

Awesome. Thats exactly what I was going for.

Unless wait maybe you just rolled your eyes and thought This woman has obviously never spoken to my parents, bosses, coworkers, or exes, who would have told her exactly whats wrong with me. And she didnt dial up my grade school bullies, teachers, or coaches, either, because they all know a thing or two about why I lack confidence, obsess over my imperfections, and feel generally unworthy.

Hey, now! Dont be so hard on yourself.

And okay, fiiiiiine, maybe there are a couple of things wrong with youlike you wish you were more organized, or better with money. So what? This book isnt called You IMPROVE You.

No, this bookYou DO Youis about accepting your strengths and your flaws, whether those flaws are self-identified or just things that youre perfectly happy about but that other people seem to have a problem with. Or, should I say, that you WOULD be perfectly happy

Anyway, you seem like a good person. I have a sixth sense about these things. So, at least for the purposes of the next three hundred pages, I absolutely meant what I said a minute ago: Unless youre a serial killer or one of those people who keeps trying to start the wave when nobody around you is interested, there is nothing wrong with you.

Then, you may be wondering, why did I purchase a self-help book?

Excellent question! Youre a good person and a quick study. I love it.

And Ill tell you why: What IS wrongand what this nifty no-fucks-given guide shall addressis how society burdens us with conventions, expectations, and arbitrary norms. And as a result, many of us struggle mightily against the sneaky, suffocating pressure to conformand then spend so much time feeling bad about ourselves that we become convinced there is something wrong with us, and we flock to bookstores and seminars and gyms and weight loss cults and etiquette experts and plastic surgeons looking for the solutions to problems we dont even have.

You know what Im talking about, and its total bullshit, right?

Well, that, my special snowflake, is precisely why I called this meeting. Because even though theres nothing wrong with who you are, we live in a culture that right now, AT THIS VERY MOMENT, might be causing you to think otherwise.

When I was growing up, I was made fun of for being too nerdy, laughing too loudly, and belting out Hey, Buster, move! during a junior high dance DJs spin of the Young MC classic Bust a Move. (For what its worth, I had an uncle named Buster, so this did not seem weird to me, but neither did that social faux pas endear me to my peers. Kids can be such assholes.)

Anyway, it seemed like I could never do anything right, to fit in. The herd was traveling in one direction and I was fighting my way upstream like a buffalo with a salmon complex. To be fair, I suppose the fact that I would write that sentence proves I have an odd way of looking at the world.

But why did other kids care so damn much?

And why, as adults, should anyone keep caring whether anyone else acts a little weird, takes a few risks, or makes some unconventional life choices (like, say, deciding not to have any asshole kids of our own)?

The answer is: they shouldnt. But people who care about that shit arent reading this book right now, so Im not talking to them, Im talking to you. I cant change them, andpinky swearIm not trying to change you, either.

What I can do is help change the way you deal with them and the way you feel about you. (If youre into that kind of thing. No pressure.) Ive been doing it for a while and its worked out pretty well for me. In fact, You Do You is probably my most personal book, in terms of Tales of Challenges Overcome, though I think its also the most universalafter all, who doesnt want to just be themselves and get through the goddamn day in whatever way works for them?