Sarah Knight - F*ck No!: How to Stop Saying Yes When You Cant, You Shouldnt, or You Just Dont Want To (A No F*cks Given Guide Book 5)

Why is it so fucking hard to say no?

How did the act of uttering one little word become more difficult than all the stuff we wind up doing because we couldnt, wouldnt, or felt we shouldnt just politely decline?

What makes us pack our calendars full and drain our bank accounts empty instead of expressing a simple Cant make it or Not today or Im sorry, young lady, but I dont like Girl Scout cookies. They taste like unhappy sand.

Ive thought a lot about these questions since I wrote my first book, The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck: How to Stop Spending Time You Dont Have with People You Dont Like Doing Things You Dont Want to Do. For years, Ive shouted my core belief all over bookstores and on podcasts and TV and radio interviews throughout the world: that its your right to live on your own terms. You can opt out of

By far the most common inquiry I get from readers, listeners, and strangers in my Instagram DMs is this:

I understand youre telling me its okay to say nobut how do I do it?

Like, literally, HOW???

You might be wondering the same thing.

In fact, Im guessing you picked up Fuck No! because youre looking for ways to bridge that powerful divide between the pull of wanting to say no and the pressure of feeling like you have to say yes.

Maybe youre feeling the burn of taking on too many assignments at work or too many projects for school or too much emotional labor at home. Maybe, like my friend Lauren, youve racked up hundreds of dollars in overseas roaming fees because you cant say no to the Democratic National Committee when they robocall you repeatedly during your vacation.

Maybe you even tried saying no once or twice when it really mattered to you, and it didnt go very well. There were dirty looks or guilt trips or tears, and so you caved, resigning yourself to a life of yes because its easier in the moment.

Oh, honey. No.

But listen, I get it. While I did write an entire book that the aptly named magazine Real Simple said will lighten your spirit and clear your calendar, freeing up time and energy for yourself (and your Netflix account), I acknowledge that The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck was primarily focused on getting to no in your own mind.

And since you need to be able to say no to yourself before you can say it to anyone else, Fuck No! will double down on some of these best practices. Among the newer, no-ier concepts, Ill offer petite primers on fuck bucks and the budgeting thereof, mental decluttering, personal policies, and everyones favorite guilt-free pleasure: my NotSorry Method.

Then Im going to take it all one giant leap further, into real, live, practical applicationthat is, saying noto other peoples faces (and voicemail and inboxes and pre-printed RSVP cards, and more).

Oh, YES.

Mark my naughty words, you hold in your hands a veritable encyclopedia of examples containing a cornucopia of comebacks and a plethora of polite replies. There are at least four-hundred-and-fifteen distinct ways to say no, nein, and non merci.and which is not called Mad Libs because the name Mad Libs belongs to someone else.

From the daily concerns of adding events to your calendar and to-dos to your list; to the infrequent but no less burdensome prospects of being expected to plan your twenty-fifth high school reunion just because you were the class president twenty-five years ago, or executing a too-big project on a too-short deadline; to the rare request to be your BFFs sperm donorif you WANT to say no but cant find the words to actually, literally, definitively SAY SO, it will be my pleasure to put them in your mouth.

Have you been invited to a dogs birthday party, perchance?

Or been asked to take on additional work for no additional pay?

Does your landlord want to raise your rent without fixing the water heater?

Are you feeling pressured by an overzealous stylist into changing your lewk?

Do your parents wish you would at least consider having that tattoo removed before your sisters wedding?

Never fear, I will show you how to say a firm-yet-pleasant no to all of these enervating entreaties, and more.

I say no all the timeto my friends and family, to prospective clients, and to producers who want me to get up before my customary 10:30 a.m. to appear on their morning radio shows three time zones back. Sometimes I propose an alternative; sometimes I take a hard pass. In any case, practice makes perfect, and this book represents the full length and breadth of my No filesone of which is bound to apply to that bar mitzvah youve been hoping to avoid for the last twelve years.

Yes, these days saying no is kinda my specialty. But my life wasnt always No thanks! and Fuck that!

No, no it wasnt.

Before I became an internationally renowned setter-of-boundaries, I was the poster child for saying yes when I really wanted to say noonly to be left wondering why in Gods name Id thought Sure, I can host your baby shower! was easier and better than simply having found a nice way to decline. (If youre at all familiar with my work, this example in particular should be an indication that I was not operating in my current no-fucks-given state of mind.)