Maria Koutsogiannis - Mindful Vegan Meals: Food is Your Friend

food is

YOUR FRIEND

FOUNDER OF FOODBYMARIA

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To my teenage self, your confusion and hardships led to me being the strongest, most confident version of myself.

To women and men who still suffer with self-confidence issues, body dysmorphia or eating disorders. Your struggles mean something, keep listening and you will find your answer. Never give up. You deserve the world because you are enough.

To Andrew, for helping me fight that bitch of a disease and for helping me see what I couldnt for years.

To my mom and dad for raising an outspoken woman, the war against myself would have been lost without the strength and strong will you bestowed to me.

To my friends and extended family, thank you for following my journey and joining me on this ever-changing road.

I still cant believe that people all over the world are reading my first published bookMindful Vegan Meals. I cant believe it. Even as I write the opening paragraph for this book, I still cannot come to terms with the fact that I have achieved one of my biggest dreams. And I did it with the help of my followers, family and friends. You might not be familiar with me or my blog, FoodByMaria, but dont worry, I am going to introduce myself. If youre a friend, follower or fan then you know this is a very emotional and important time in my life. I wrote my first book and am able to share my story with the world, through recipes and experiences. Thank you.

Lets backtrack. Back to the days of thirteen-year-old Maria. The figure skater and track athlete, the overtalker, the lesser than popular girl at schoolin my eyes, anyway. I was so many things but I was one thing that has always stood out to myself: I was a dreamer. I was also very critical, a perfectionist (I have obsessive-compulsive disorderOCD). I also went 100% if I decided I wanted something. All these characteristics, for me, were a recipe for potential and utter disaster, but Ill tell you more about that later.

There is one significant thing in my life that impacted a lot of other things. On Sept 19, 2004, my family and I were in a horrific car accident on the way home from a family wedding. I remember every distinct detail from the crash but what I remember most was the still silence before realizing exactly what had just happened. We had just rolled, four times, on the highway, going the slightest bit over the speed limit. My mind was in shambles as I desperately tried to put together the puzzle pieces.

As the emergency crew and bystanders flocked to our vehicle all I could hear was How many survivors? and Are you okay? To be honest, at that point I did not even notice themI just wanted to find my sister, who had been thrown from the car. Once I saw she was OK I proceeded to yell for my brother. He was fine. I yelled for my mom, she was ok, then I yelled for my dad and he was OK, too. This day could have been much worse but for some reason no one was hurt and we were left on this earth to continue our lives.

For me, our survival meant so much more. I never talked about this with anyone when I was young because saying it to myself was weird enough. I believe I lived because I was put on this planet to do something beautiful. I knew that something big was meant for me but I didnt know what that was. I just knew that whatever it was, I would be able to help change the world.

After the accident, the world around me kept turning, I went on to graduate from high school and moved to Calgary to study business at Mount Royal University. Before I moved to Calgary, I went through a weird phase in the spring and around high school graduation. I had just had ACL surgery after an injury in track and field and had lost loads of weight. The weight loss slowly turned into an obsession and as the summer approached, I realized I had become fixated on my weight loss and desperately wanted to stay skinny forever. At first, it was difficult adapting to university. I didnt have my family and my old routine and I really didnt know anyone but my good friend, Whit. Three months into university things started to blur, both mentally and physically. I was falling into a small depression; I was drinking far too often and I really missed my hometown, Swift Current. Because of all this I was also putting on a bit of weightI didnt have my mom feeding me every day nor did I have someone telling me that I probably shouldnt be getting drunk four nights a week. My lifestyle changed quite a bit but it was about to change for the worse, really soon.

Sometime in November I was standing in the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. I was wearing a pair of jeans, a burgundy top and a little hoodie. I felt super bloated, I was so unhappy that I had put on the amount of weight that I had and genuinely began to hate myself and the life I was living. I looked into the toilet and got down on my knees. Somewhere between fucked up and very confused I managed to convince myself that it was a good idea to shove two fingers down my throat. I will never, ever forget the first time. My brain was screaming at me MARIA DONT! but my heart knew; it knew that if I did this then maybe I would feel better and that I would be able to get on with my life knowing that I had an escape from the world.

In the beginning the addiction wasnt so bad, but as the days, months and years went on it continued to get worse. I would always sit down for a meal and think to myself where is the nearest bathroom? before I would even take a bite. I was going to vomit and no matter what happened I would make sure that I did. I didnt feel comfortable with food in my stomach because I didnt trust food, not to mention understand it. Lets not forget that at this point in my life I was unhappy with my weight so I truly thought vomiting would help me keep the pounds off.

I could not have been more wrong. Want to know why I know that? Well, because, at one point in my bulimic life I actually ended up getting caught by someone I used to call a friend. I got a text one Sunday night saying, You forgot to flush. Before I could even explain myself, I was already getting text messages from my three best friends. I had never felt more betrayed, sad and embarrassed in my life. So, long story short, once I was outed to my friends that I was still sick after Id told them I was doing better I was basically forced to try and