Arylo - Choosing ME before WE : every woman’s guide to life and love

Praise for Choosing ME before WE

Christine Arylo has written a wise and inspired guide on how to become the woman youd need to be in order to attract and draw in the extraordinary love youve been looking for.

Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of
Calling in The One

Choosing Me Before We empowers women of all ages everywhere to connect within, fall in love with YOU, and let your romantic relationships be yummy side dishes to the most important entre your relationship with yourself. A savory, sassy read for every woman seeking more than a fleeting fairy tale.

Kimberly Wilson, author of Hip Tranquil Chick

Christine Arylo advocates for every woman to have the love she truly craves and deserves. Reading Choosing Me before We will empower and challenge you in ways that are both nurturing and effective. Starting with her own personal experience, Christine offers the tips and tools a woman needs to fall in love with her ultimate soul mate: herself. And from that foundation, she can find a he and create a healthy and supportive we. Every woman should have Choosing Me before We on her nightstand.

Christine Hassler, author of 20 Something Manifesto

New World Library
Novato, California

Copyright 2009 by Christine Arylo

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, or other without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

Text design by Tona Pearce Myers

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Arylo, Christine.

Choosing ME before WE : every womans guide to life and love / Christine

Arylo.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references (p. 206).

ISBN 978-1-57731-641-1 (pbk. : alk. paper)

1. Self-realization in women. 2. Self-perception in women. 3. Self-acceptance
in women. 4. WomenPsychology. I. Title.

HQ1206.A79 2009

First printing, February 2009

ISBN 978-1-57731-641-1

Printed in Canada on 100% postconsumer-waste recycled paper

New World Library is a proud member of the Green Press Initiative.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To all women past, present, and future
who have dared to live from their heart and soul
and have had the courage to believe that anything is possible

The Lies We Tell and the Honesty We Need
about Ourselves, Our Guys, and Our Relationships

Get the Man You Want by First Getting Clear
on What You Really Want

Four Shortcuts to Creating Authentic
Partnerships Instead of Unhealthy Relationships

If We Want It, We Must Be Willing
to Give It First

H ave you ever felt that you walk the path of your life alone? That you are the only woman to ever make painful, stupid mistakes? To settle for less? To desperately desire love above all else? To yearn for a real partner so much that it hurts? Have you ever thought, Why is every woman but me in a great relationship? Why cant I be that happy? Or found yourself rejected by the person you love, and figured that something was wrong with you?

When the devastating breakdown of my fifteen-year relationship stabbed me, at the age of thirty, like a wild boars tusk ripping through my heart, I was convinced that I was the only woman who had ever made such a complete mess of her life. I felt alone, rejected, and furious that I had deceived myself for so long. That I had given up my self to keep the love of another for years, only to be left with a heart torn to shreds. What I realized shortly after the initial blow of my relationships end was that I had failed to understand that, above all else, I needed to honor the most important relationship in my life first the one with myself.

This ending became a beginning for me, in which I learned many things. I finally got that I didnt need to feel so damn alone in my experiences I had sisters on the crazy and confusing journey of being a woman. For better or for worse, as women we have many of the same stories, heartbreaks, obstacles, and expectations. I also learned that we dont have to remain captive to the limiting beliefs swirling in our psyches and in society, which keep us far from our dreams. We always have a choice. Along lifes path, we all have the opportunity to gain wisdom from our mistakes, the self-awareness that comes from healing our wounds, and clarity by claiming our needs.

If we are lucky enough to wake up to the immense power we have to create our lives, we have a responsibility to share our stories and insights with others. Otherwise, the true power of our realizations is lost. Sharing allows us to see ourselves in the words of others, gain witnesses to our personal journey, and broaden the possibilities that lie before us. Through sharing, we as women can provide the emotional inspiration that others can use to eliminate the shoulds, the musts, and the cannots that bar their way to creating the kinds of lives and relationships they truly desire.

I, too, relied on the wisdom and support of many women, some of them total strangers, to progress through my own long, dark night of the soul. By watching others and listening, I learned that to fully and wholeheartedly love another I first needed to fully and wholeheartedly embrace my self. This realization was a major source of inspiration in my decision to share my knowledge and experiences with other women through Choosing ME before WE.

The following pages take us on a journey together. In them, I share the wisdom I gained on my personal path as I went from being a person I thought I knew and loved to being one I actually do know and love. I share with you stories from my own adventure as well as those of my dearest friends, all women trying to find sources of love and happiness but often looking in the wrong places. And, I ask you to take a careful look at the life you have created and honestly answer the question Am I honoring the most important relationship in my life first the one with myself?

Before we go any further, since we are going to hang out for the next eight chapters or so, I would like to give you the opportunity to get to know me better. While you may already know my name, Christine Arylo (pronounced ah-rye-lo), what you dont know is that my last name doesnt belong to anyone but me. Not to the family I was born to, not to my husband... just to me. When I was a teenager, I felt as if I were walking around the planet with someone elses middle and last names. So, being the rebel that I fancied myself to be, at the age of eighteen I boldly declared that I was renouncing my middle name and going on a search for a new one that fit