Pierre Alex Jeanty - Unspoken Feelings Of A Gentleman

Unspoken Feelings
Of a Gentleman

Inspired by:

You

Written by:

Me

Copyright 2014 by Pierre Alex Jeanty

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwisewithout the written permission of the publisher.

Cover design: Omar Rodriguez (Astute Productions)

Editors: Orlando Barajas, Kate Drilling, Phillip Hamilton, Katherine Vance

Photography: Omar Rodriguez (Astute Productions)

Artwork: TreManda Pewett

For more information, please visit

Gentlemenhood.com or

ISBN-13: 978-0-9862556-0-1

Dedication

To GOD,

The real MVP

To my mother,

The number one example of a strong woman to me

The woman who contributed so much to my growth

To my sisters,

The women who raised me, women who have always loved and protected me

To my nieces,

Learn from the man who I was, and the man I am becoming. Learn about men from my story.

To my nephews,

Let my life be an example to you as well. Learn from my mistakes.

To my exes,

I thank you all for the experiences and lessons.

To my friends,

Carl Elie, Rene Saint-Preux, Kirsten Dimicco, Homer Betancourt, Iztchel Segoviano, Ana Martinez and many more, Thank you for believing in me.

To you, THE READERS,

The support you offer to me is second to none. You are the reason. Knowing you would be reading this text, I decided to overcome the feeling of not being a good enough writer, the fear of sharing intimate parts of my life, and the fear of exposing my vulnerability. I spent sleepless nights creating something to which I hope you can relate, learn and draw inspiration. YOU are my inspiration.

I deserve the right to be human.

Contents

Reader Disclaimer:

What you get out of this book is your choice.

Warning: This book may challenge you.

T hese are the thoughts of a gentleman. Not a perfect man, but a gentleman. These are thoughts of a man who never saw the freedom in freedom of speech until now. These are the thoughts behind the anger, silence, pain, joy, smiles, sadness, betrayal and everything this journey called life can present. These are the thoughts of a man who can relate to most men.

No different than any other man, my journey consists of bottled up emotions and raw feelings that Ive kept caged. I felt expressing my feelings would only exhibit weakness. I always felt misunderstood. I felt as if communicating my feelings would only be misconstrued by my listeners. I hated expressing myself, explaining myself, repeating myself. I hated communicating the deep parts of me. To compensate, I imprisoned all emotions inside, to be kept raw and unseen. How nave of me!? I failed to see the destruction it placed in my path, the confusion it created between my loved ones and me.

Suppressing my emotions and true feelings led me to live many years with pain having complete control over me. Anger ordered my steps, and pride turned me cold - unwilling and unable to love. I spent most of my days as a troubled young man searching for happiness in all the wrong places. My heart was clogged with so many false beliefs of what a man should be according to societys standards. I believed that there was no room for any good to reside in it.

As a result, most of my relationships were unhealthy. I am a living testimony of the old adage, Hurt people hurt people. I transferred the hurt that consumed me to a fair amount of women. I built walls after walls that kept going higher and higher, and with each experience worsened. Numerous relationship issues went unresolved because of the way I operated. I never wanted to express myself and be the real me. I refused to open up to anyone. Resentment filled my heart, which grew colder, which started to make me numb to love. After years of failing to find love, seeking it in all the wrong places, with a soul overflowing with unexpressed emotions and pain, I finally broke down. After losing a woman to whom I was engaged, and another whom I believed was my soul mate, I began to reevaluate. A pattern was present: women broke up with me because they were dating a lifeless soul who always got defensive, was unaffectionate, quick to anger, competitive and arrogant. I was toxic inside and it was burning everything good that came my way. This started a spiritual journey that led me to look into the mirror, look deep inside myself, identify my problems, and work towards fixing them.

Now, my silence has a voice. Expressing myself has become an escape for me, a necessity. Vulnerability is something of which I am no longer afraid. I have decided to start being real with myself and the people in my life. This book is dedicated to the men who feel helpless and think they have no one to whom they can express themselves. This is for the fellas who feel misunderstood, who are misguided by society. To the men trying to right their wrongs and open themselves to healthier relationships in the future. This book is also for the women who wonder whats inside the heads of men like me. Its for the women whove been hurt by men like me, and those who are in love with men who were once no different than I.

Being a male
is inevitable,
a matter of birth.

Being a man
is a choice,
a matter of decisions.

Being a gentleman
is a matter of
perspective.

M en dont feel the need to express their feelings because they are taught that feelings are a weakness. A society full of prideful individuals contributes to this false idea of manhood that is downloaded into boys at a young age. We are allowed to voice fun (talk about cars, girls, clothes, money etc.), hate, violence, success voice everything that reflects our strengths and foolishness. Weakness, however, should never be shown nor mentioned, unless in an attempt to point it out in another man. Weakness to me, was a foreign thing that can be found in women. We are taught the wrong things about weakness and what it truly means to be weak. We subconsciously pick up the idea that exposing our weaknesses makes us vulnerable, and vulnerability to anyone is the ultimate weakness. We have to be robots, heartless like Ironman. Society has infiltrated our minds with the wrong ideas of what a man is, and fed our brains inaccurate and inappropriate perceptions of manhood.

Weakness is actually the fear of looking weak, of not being perfect and strong. We invest our time and energy into not looking soft, emotional or feminine, because we are afraid. We spend our childhoods giving in to false ideas of masculinity that built up false confidence, (especially when it comes to girls.) Instead of praising the girl who deep down makes us feel loved, touches our souls, and challenges our minds, we brag about the girls we manipulate into sleeping with us. This is what we were taught to believe was manly. Speaking about the raw emotions in our lives is insignificant unless were talking about sex. Our fear of appearing weak has blinded us to all fears that live within us. Even when we say we have no fear, we are fear driven. We boldly say, Fear no man, meanwhile, fear spills out of us because we fear the man in the mirror who has flaws and weaknesses. He feels pain, is imperfect, and is the enemy of the man society wants us to be.