Angelique Santana - Food Is Love: there are no rules in food and love

Copyright 2018 by Angelique Santana. All rights reserved. Except as permitted by law, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a database or retrieval system or distributed in any form, in whole or in part, by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of the copyright holder. To request permission, please email .

Printed in the United States of America.

ISBN-13: 978-1717142818

ISBN-10: 1717142818

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018906472

CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, North Charleston, SC

THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO MY FAMILY

TO MY FATHER...
A lover of all things of the earth and family. My father loved family. He especially loved his family. Through him I learned what love of family is. He passed away before I could even realize this simple truth, but I know that he knows I know now. Thank you, Dad. I love you.

TO MY MOTHER...
Reconnecting with you has been one of lifes greatest gifts. Thank you for showing yourself to me, for making me laugh and for endlessly loving me.

TO MY TWIN BROTHER...
Your love and support, specifically over the last few years, mean everything to me. When I was paralyzed at the thought of booking travel to come home when Dad got sick, you booked my flights. For all the conversations we have had about life and reminding me not only where I come from and where I have been but also reminding me where I am and where I am headed.

TO MY LITTLE SISTER...
You, my friend, my other twin, you amaze me with your pure love and passion to fight for what you believe in, not just for your family and friends but also for complete strangers. You are a gift and I love you so very much.

W hen Angelique asked me to write this foreword, I was SO EXCITED!! In my life I have been on quite the journey with food and was in such a good place at the time, that I thought, Oh my gosh, Ill have so much to share!

From growing up with strict food rules in the house, to being bulimic from the age of 15 until 18 and overcoming it, to trying all kinds of diets, to landing in a really good place 12 years ago, Ive had an intimate relationship with food.

Twelve years ago, I became pescatarian and have had the best relationship in my life so far with food. I look back and have been proud of my choices. The scale stopped mattering, and until recently, I hadnt weighed myself in over three years. As far as I was concerned, I was happy with my body and had taken great care of it.

So when asked to write about Food Is Love, I thought, Perfect! However, when I sat down to write as the words were flowing I thought, Wait a minute, do I know what Food Is Love really means?

What does it mean for Food to be Love?

I called Angelique and asked if I could have an extension on delivering the foreword because I wanted to go on a journey of Food being Love. I thought I knew what it meant, but did I really? What kind of choices would I make if Food were Love?

She agreed and I began. The first thing I noticed was how many rules I had!

In my effort to stay healthy, there were so many foods that were completely off limits and of the foods that were allowed, I had fallen into a hypnotic pattern of buying the same old thing each and every time I went to the store: kale, cucumber celery, green apples, carrots, beets, arugula, grapefruit, lemons, olive oil, lentil soup, hummus, eggs, wild-caught salmon, tea and dark chocolate.

There are over 400 vegetables out there and I was buying the same six over and over and over again. And when I ate out, it was no different. Choosing the same thing over and over again.

My rules were giving me the outcome I wanted; however, they were also limiting me.

When we think of Love and the expansive feeling it creates, one of the words you do not associate with it is Limiting.

It goes a step further, though. Being a single entrepreneur with a full schedule also meant I ate out a lot. Very often, the food I bought would go to waste.

Waste. Is waste Love? Theres nothing loving about being wasteful. Limited and wasteful, this was so weird. I thought I had a great relationship with food. Upon closer examination, I saw something different than what I had in my head. I realized I had a controlling relationship with food, but not exactly a loving one. I figured that since I felt food and I were on good terms, it must be love. But it was more of a polite relationship. You stay over there, Ill stay over here, and no one gets hurt. You can come over but only on my terms and most of your friends are not allowed. There was no freedom, no creativity, no ENJOYMENT so many of the things associated with Love!

Now I did have cheat days or meals on the weekend where I did eat what I felt like eating, and boy, did I enjoy that; but that too was so much of the same and was regulated!

It was time for a change! I decided, No more rules!! I was going to eat what I FELT like eating.

I meant that was love, right? I had been eating healthy for so long I figured my cravings would be mostly healthy, and if I ate things I considered unhealthy, well, it wasnt going to kill me.

The first visit to the grocery store after this decision was magical! It was like all of a sudden there were all these foods that I hadnt even seen before!

That day I bought kiwi, zucchini, cauliflower, radishes and romaine lettuce. It sounds so ridiculous, but it was exciting because I really did not realize how much I was on autopilot.

I also bought bread, fruit popsicles and a couple of pastries.

I went home EXCITED! Food was now going to be Love! I was just going to eat whatever I wanted! Being loving to my body I was probably going to feel and look better than I ever had!

Fast-forward three weeks. Ive gained 7 pounds. SMH (shaking my head). Really though? What? What happened???

I called Angelique and we had yet another one of our epic conversations. While we were talking, I started articulating what Love even meant. Does love mean you do whatever you want? When you love someone or something, do you just say whatever is on your mind and do whatever you feel like doing? No.

You see, love isnt a one-sided thing. Theres something thats the object of your love and likewise, loving that thing or person means having a certain reverence and understanding of it. When you love someone, you are intentional about how you interact with him or her. You pick up on how they are feeling, and you CARE about your effect on their well-being. It goes two ways. You dont just do whatever you want whenever you want with them. You check in.

Likewise, I realized with Food being Love, it wasnt that I ate whatever I wanted to and felt like eating. That wasnt Love. That was Comfort. Whatever you want, whenever you want, however you want = Comfort. Love called for greater attention. Love called for Intention. And heres where the breakthrough came. It wasnt bad that I had the rules. What created the challenge was that they were birthed from a place of guilt, shame and perfectionism.

Love called for greater attention.

Love called for Intention.

Growing up, I would constantly hear my fathers voice, Mina, dont eat that, youll get fat. As if he was protecting me from getting sick. To him, getting fat was unacceptable and was not allowed. Dont eat that. Dont eat that. Dont eat that.

At the age of 15, I became bulimic and continued on that path until 18. I was lucky. Everything I had read talked about people struggling with bulimia for decades. An ex-boyfriend caught me in the act and put the fear of God in me about ever doing it again. Not the best way to overcome an addiction but I am still grateful, as I stopped abusing my body after that. That didnt stop the obsession, though. So the constant thoughts about food and my weight continued.