Here you can read online Judi Hollis - Fat Is a Family Affair full text of the book (entire story) in english for free. Download pdf and epub, get meaning, cover and reviews about this ebook. year: 1996, publisher: Hazelden Publishing & Educational Services, genre: Home and family. Description of the work, (preface) as well as reviews are available. Best literature library LitArk.com created for fans of good reading and offers a wide selection of genres:
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Judi Hollis helps readers understand the compulsive nature of eating disorders and its dramatic effect on the entire family. The step-by-step format and personal examples help readers Explore their role in this complex disorder.
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All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.
ISBN: 0-89486-263-4
Printed in the United States of America.
Page v
To Hope
Page vi
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.... Desiderata
Page vii
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Yves Luc Bolomet is my editor, companion, best friend and seer, but most of all, he's the "Prince Charming" I was not ready for until I grew up. He's taught me equality, respect, and how to love. As professional mentors, William Ofman, Ph.D. taught me the "good faith" of honest relating, while Walter Kemplar, M.D. showed me how to move whole families along the journey to intimacy, and Bill Rader, M.D., throughout our long and varied association, encouraged the wisdom of "trusting your instincts."
My deepest appreciation and joy go to the thousands of patients and counselors who have shared the hope of their recoveries. It is a humbling privilege that they allow me into their lives. Thanks to my dad, Gilbert Stockman, who expected me to be a full person, and my mother, Rebecca Stockman, who showed me the strength I'd need. Special thanks go to Elaine Goodrich who listened to my inner voice until I could hear it myself. Thank God for the Twelve Steps.
Page ix
CONTENTS
Acknowledgments
vii
Introduction
xi
The Weigh In
Chapter 1. Relate to Recover
3
Chapter 2. Who's an E-D?
19
Chapter 3. Who's a Codependent?
38
Chapter 4. Why Are We Together?
55
The Weigh Out
Chapter 5. Accept That It's Difficult
77
Chapter 6. Extend the Family System
106
Chapter 7. No to Food is Yes to Life
127
Chapter 8. Fear of Flying
156
Page xi
INTRODUCTION
"We're as fat as we are dishonest"
Fat is a family affair, because we've all been living with a dishonest person who sought to survive by living a lie. To win love and admiration, we acquired an "as if" personality, becoming what others needed and losing a sense of inner self. When that true person cried out to be heard, we drowned it out with food. Recovery from an eating disorder requires a precious journey to find the real self. Most of us are unable to find the way on our own because we wear blinders when forks loom up in the path. It is easier to trudge the well-beaten, painful path than to risk the unknown.
Loved ones have helped us live the lie as they live out their own. As long as we keep eating, we can ignore internal messages that say, "Something is wrong with my life." I was a very successful therapist at 222 pounds, and had no idea that anything about my lifestyle was at all related to the poundage I'd amassed. I actually thought I was a nearly perfect human beingmy only minor flaw was the fat. If I'd lose weight, I'd be perfect and so would my life. I'd lost thousands of pounds before, as a college freshman on pills, then each of the nine times at Weight Watchers, as well as countless other failed attempts. Each time, despite a gorgeous body, nothing had changed in my personality. I still felt inadequate despite a false bravado, and I still never felt deserving of the good life, and couldn't endure the stress of success. Slowly the weight crept back.
Page xii
This time has been different. I've not only kept the weight off for over nine years, but I lost my childish demands to be rescued and found the very wise, sensitive, and real adult I'd been drowning. I had to be reborn and become a baby first. Then I could grow up without food. As a result, I had to renegotiate every relationship in my life and establish a new identity for success.
To recover from an eating disorder we have to give birth to the true self, find a way for it to be heard, then carry it with us into a new life. The most healing and long-lasting method for gaining such a recovery is taught at meetings of Overeaters Anonymous. Through that program and suggestions in this book, you can find a new way to RELATE TO RECOVER.
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