Judi Hollis - From Bagels to Buddha: How I Found My Soul and Lost My Fat

Special praise for From Bagels to Buddha

Dr. Hollis has found a humorous and shockingly honest way to follow the surrender process toward freedom. Her travels to distant lands and studies with a variety of mentors shows the self-acceptance that can be achieved by turning toward and opening up, instead of turning away and tightening. With that process comes a more mindful relationship with food.

Shinzen Young

Author of The Science of Enlightenment

Director of Vipassana Support International

A fabulous piece of writing. Like a descent into Hell, which turns out to be Heaven, once you get there. The idea of going there scares me, I have to say; but I might be persuaded....

Dr. Polly Howells, LCSW

Brooklyn, NY

Dr. Judi Hollis, in a very creative, challenging, and readable way, provides us with a connection to our real bodies and our deeper souls and spirits.

Fr. Richard Rohr, OFM

Founding Director of Center for Action and Contemplation

Author of Everything Belongs, Things Hidden, and The Naked Now

What a wonderful journey. Judi Hollis really captured her inner and outer experiences... and so vividly that I felt I was there.

Laura Beecher, PhD

Port Washington, NY

With the humor that can only come from one whos been there, Dr. Judi Hollis takes us with her as she goes From Bagels to Buddha the quest for a spiritual life for those who once looked for enlightenment in the bakery aisle.

Victoria Moran

Author of Fit from Within and The Love-Powered Diet

Central Recovery Press

Central Recovery Press (CRP) is committed to publishing exceptional materials addressing addiction treatment, recovery, and behavioral healthcare topics, including original and quality books, audio/visual communications, and web-based new media. Through a diverse selection of titles, we seek to contribute a broad range of unique resources for professionals, recovering individuals and their families, and the general public.

For more information, visit www.centralrecoverypress.com.

Central Recovery Press, Las Vegas, NV 89129

2012 by Judi Hollis

All rights reserved. Published 2012.

Printed in the United States of America.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

Publisher: Central Recovery Press

3321 N. Buffalo Drive

Las Vegas, NV 89129

17 16 15 14 13 12 1 2 3 4 5

ISBN-13: 978-1-936290-81-9 (paper)

ISBN-10: 1-936290-81-2

ISBN-13: 978-1-936290-89-5 (e-book)

Publishers Note: This is a memoir, a work based on fact recorded to the best of the authors memory. Central Recovery Press books represent the experiences and opinions of their authors only. Every effort has been made to ensure that events, institutions, and statistics presented in our books as facts are accurate and up-to-date. To protect their privacy, the names of some of the people and institutions in this book have been changed.

Author photo courtesy of Taylor Sherrill.

Cover design and interior layout by Sara Streifel, Think Creative Design

Dedicated to the memory of my mother for all the love, laughs, and lunacy that molded me into the powerful, resilient woman I am today, and to the spiritual midwives who melted my armor so I could bend and savor the essentials.

Contents

Acknowledgments

I can never repay my debt to the countless monks, teachers, mentors, sponsors, fellow wounded healers, and friends who have helped me trudge the path to self-acceptance and care. Those include Beverly R, Elaine P, Muriel Z, Arlyn R, and Kat G.

Ive also been supported in this journey by my goddess group in New YorkCatherine Boyer, Laura Beecher, Polly Howells, Marta Elders, Marianne Schottenfeld, and Susan Bogas. My spooks group in Palm Springs guides my path with wise ladies too numerous to mention. A great spiritual midwife, Elizabeth Stephenson, has been a constant source of excitement, fun, fantasy, and whimsy. Im even now using her super-spiritual name for higher power, GGATI (God, Goddess, All That Is).

My writing has been nursed so patiently by Ray Rusty Straight, Deborah Herman, and my editors at Central Recovery Press, Nancy Schenck and Helen OReilly. My assistant, Jeff Hughes, has also helped with countless Internet and computer glitches that eventually taught us more than we ever wanted to learn. (A lot like the spiritual path.)

The most profound blessing found on this path has been my beloved lifetime companion, Henry Kaplan, who senses all the right moves and guides while adapting, cherishes while provoking, and loves me as much as I love him. His irreverence keeps me humble, alive, and open. Definitely a tastier morsel than any bagel.

Preface

Howd-ja-doit?

Howd-ja-looz-althatwait?

Howd-ja-keepitoff?

Thats always what Im asked.

Most people just want to know, Whadjeet?

They think its only about the food.

When I opened the nations first eating disorders unit in 1975 in Los Angeles, every new patient was contemplating an inpatient admission because he or she couldnt stop eating compulsively. Naturally, the greatest interest was focused on that most treasured love object: the food plan.

Of course, to lose weight and keep it off, you have to know a lot about food. Most of my patients were already amateur nutritionists. Like me, they had read it all and done it all. None of us was fat for lack of trying to lose weight. I had fought my obesity since childhood, and had gained and lost thousands of pounds. At age eight, I was taken to a specialist. We prayed for a thyroid problem that could be beaten with white pills. My mother held my hand as the doctor put me in stirrups and checked for pregnancy. It was the start of a lifetime of failed answers from Western medicine. I never returned for a GYN exam until I was twenty-two and truly pregnant.

Hoping for some magic fix kept me fat. There were no chemical or hormonal imbalances.

No such luck.

I just loved to eat.

I once asked my mother about a picture of me at age five standing on the dusty, coal-covered porch on Scrantons South Side. Whyd you let me gorge myself with a corncob in each hand?

Mom answered, You just loved to eat. You were always hungry. Id give you dinner and youd say, Mommy, I want more.

I know today that I was ravenously hungry for a spiritual connection not to be found in food.

My more mantra has now become almost four decades of giving up more for the satisfaction of enough. Im now enough. Life is enough. Today I get enough to eat.

At age twelve I started dieting for my senior prom, which ultimately I went to fat, asked as a mercy date because I was the prom chairperson. Being fat, however, didnt totally wreck my dating career since I had such a pretty face and was wild enough to date neer-do-wells and lesser companionsmen I wouldnt take out in public. During my early career as a drug addiction counselor, I even dated a few patients. These guys were hip, slick, and cool and knew how to make a fat girl feel sexy. During my first round of Weight Watchers, I had a crush on a drug counselor. I told him I wouldnt go out with him until I hit goal weight. He went back to drugs before I got there. There was always something.