Carol Kinsey Goman - The Silent Language of Leaders: How Body Language Can Help--or Hurt--How You Lead

Table Of Contents

Copyright 2011 by Carol Kinsey Goman. All rights reserved.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Goman, Carol Kinsey.

The silent language of leaders : how body language can helpor hurthow

you lead / Carol Kinsey Goman. 1st ed.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-0-470-87636-7 (hardback)

1. Body language. 2. Nonverbal communication in the workplace.3. Communication in management. 4. Leadership. 5. Communication in organizations.

I. Title.

BF637.N66G664 2011

650.13dc22

2010050248

More praise for The Silent Language of Leaders

Learn to align your verbal and non-verbal communication and you are on your way to becoming a better leader. The Silent Language of Leaders is the only book you need to bring yourself up to speed.

Karen Tucker , CEO, Churchill Club

Successful business executives understand and achieve higher levels of effectiveness when their words are in sync with their body language. Carol Kinsey Goman's new book showcases the important body language techniques needed to build trust in a rapidly changing world. Savvy executives will use her recommendations immediately to build stronger relationships, shape perceptions, and get results.

Lee Hornick , program director, The Conference Board, and president, Business Communications Worldwide, Inc.

This book is an outstanding resource to help managers at all levels become better communicators and leaders.

Shirley Gaufin , chief human resources officer, Black & Veatch Corporation

Whether it's in front of an individual or a large group, communication is a key component of your leadership success. And a major aspect of that success is your body language. This silent method of communication can be deadly if you don't know the signals that you are sending. Carol Kinsey Goman provides a guidebook to help you navigate this complex aspect of leadership.

Jon Peters , president, The Institute for Management Studies

People don't realize how their true strengths and weaknesses are revealed by their body language. Carol Kinsey Goman's observations and insights are unique.

Charles Lynch , chairman, Market Value Partners

Introduction

The LeadershipBody Language Connection

Leadership is about communication. You already know that. So, in preparing for an important meeting, you concentrate on what to say, you memorize crucial points, and you rehearse your presentation so that you will come across as credible and convincing.

But did you also know that the people you're speaking to will have subliminally evaluated your credibility, confidence, likeability, and trustworthiness in the first seven secondsbefore you had a chance to deliver your well-rehearsed speaking points? Did you know that your use of personal space, physical gestures, posture, facial expressions, and eye contact could already have sabotaged your message? And, most critically, did you know that any time your words and body language were out of alignment, people believed what they saw and not what you said?

So, if you went into that important meeting with all the right words and all the wrong moves, you probably left sensing that things didn't go as well as you'd hoped. But you might not know why.

Leadership is also about building and sustaining positive relationships. You know that too. You travel to meet personally with key customers, go out with coworkers to get to know them better, arrange town hall meetings in order to interact more closely with frontline workers.

But did you know that your ability to accurately read and respond to the body language of others is fundamental to building empathy and rapport? If you misinterpreted and ignored important nonverbal signals from your colleagues, customers, or employees, you probably parted company feeling vaguely dissatisfied with the relationship you'd established, again not knowing why, but realizing something needed to be done about it.

That's when you might hire me.

I get paid to stalk leaders.

Well, not literally, but that is how one of my satisfied clients humorously described my services.

I'm a professional communicator, the author of eleven business books, and an international keynote speaker. But when I'm not traveling around the world on speaking engagements, I coach people like youmanagers, team leaders, entrepreneurs, and senior executives who are looking for ways to become even more effective in their ability to relate with and influence others.

So, I stalkmore accurately, shadowthese leaders, observing them as they run meetings, interact informally with employees and colleagues, consult with customers, negotiate business deals, and make formal presentations.

Oh, the Things I've Seen!

Body language is the management of time, space, appearance, posture, gesture, vocal prosody, touch, smell, facial expression, and eye contact. The latest research in neuroscience and psychology has proven that body language is crucial to leadership effectivenessand this book will show you exactly how it impacts a leader's ability to negotiate, manage change, build trust, project charisma, and promote collaboration. But my interest in body language started long before I gave speeches or coached leaders. In training for my previous occupation as a therapist in private practice, I learned to pay close attention to nonverbal signals. In doing so, I became aware of the way body language can underscore what a person is saying, but can also undermine or even contradict it. When very relaxed, people had certain ways of entering my office and certain physical positions that they assumed. But when they were concerned or unconvinced, their postures and expressions changed dramatically. I also saw that quite often their body language was in direct opposition to their words, and I learned to trust the subliminal messages from their bodies as much as, or more than, their verbal responses. Soon it became second nature to decode body language cues and to use what I discovered to help people overcome internal resistance and to reinforce personal motivation in order to make positive changes in their lives.