Cerdorian - 3000 Walks: Stories, Poems and Word Play

ISBN: 9781626758025 Transitions Bridge House We had a place where creativity and nourishment were served Human Beings being treated as you would like to be treated A team where individuals took their place at what they excelled at Happy being creative and empowered thus empowering others Then they came, afraid of anything that isnt the same Thinking they could improve on flourishing Surprised no one had committed suicide or Performed destructive acts after leaving here. They brought conformity, hospital models, Fear of being sued. Soon everything was controlled Actions planned from fear of lawsuits The consumers stopped giving rave reviews Healing stopped happening Laughter left this place We had a place where creativity and nourishment were served. I Used To I used to yearn for teachers Now my life has become the teaching I used to seek out knowledge Now Im comfortable with I dont know I used to hunger for Love Now I know that I am a source of Love I used to repress desire Now I follow it and feel alive I used to sit in somber meditation Now I laugh and play with children I used to criticize myself Now I catch myself and smile I used to walk in serious contemplation Now I sing and dance I used to read long great books Now simple poetry is what satisfies All along I AM what I was looking for. This Pain in My Side This pain in my side Eyes wet with grief from before Of anger and conflict of another I called lover Tears spill on the ground germinating new seeds Of home, family, friends and acquaintances This pain in my side I forget about it Until a poem, a letter, a kindness from my sister turns on a sprinkler Of sadness and sorrow that reaches deep into the past Breaking with goddesses Ive kissed and melded with Breaking with mom over and over again Breaking with friendships that were dying in disagreement This pain in my side, Its what I didnt get This pain in my side, Its what I didnt say This pain in my side, its what I never asked for This pain in my side, its why I didnt play This pain in my side, it wrings me out like an old sponge Only to come back to it Again and again. Springtime Ceremony for the Transition of Peter Frohe Boots packed with mud and snow I walk on earth my brother has become Eastern Sun, Coyote in the south Peter planted underneath Solis rock Sustenance for flower, worm and root Lovers of him praying with passions of past memories All of us feeling loss and pain A ceremony in his church: the foothills A lone buck bounds by bursting with speed Boundless Aries vitality A dozen four leggeds follow the first In his wake much creativity A bear lumbering in the west Dreaming us all into poetic reverence The warrior of the north holds a silver sword Completing the ritual with truth and grace A pregnant moment Snowflakes landing noisily Humans dissolve into tears and trees becoming less and more.

Prose for Dee Death has become my best friend Another compadre on this uncharted path has left us But not without opening us to ourselves and each other Three years in a row, death has hacked at my heart And taken me down griefs tear stained road While another good friend transitions to the invisible 48, holistic, herbal , spiritual, living her truth And still not immune to the body failing her Her daughter not yet 18 She found love with a beautiful partner Married just a few months ago Anger and sadness cloud over the childhood script Of how its supposed to be I guess there will be no lived happily ever after for them Anger at fairy tales mother read to me long ago Im at the memorial service with a hundred or so others who share my pain Friends and family are standing one by one, telling stories of love and caring The brittleness of anger dissolves into sadness A great being was in our midst and I didnt fully realize it Regret , why didnt I talk to her the last time I was with her, that last time I saw her. But wait I feel Dees spirit Her form appears on my inner screen while I am in a circle Holding hands with others, singing a song to her She starts talking to me, Phil dont hold back Hold back what? I reply Dont hold back your love Ok Dee I wont hold back NO! I want you to promise me you wont hold back. All right Dee I promise I wont hold back my love. A ball of energy starts at my solar plexus and rises up through my chest and throat Sounds and tears come in a flood Im not at all embarrassed by my humanity As the song ends Im hugging and kissing friends Ive never met Everyone in the church looks beautiful Resistance no more Holding back no more There is no time but the present No one knows how long one has Love as much as you can To everyone around you Because you are in the right place with the right people Right now. Violet Violet and I met about one year ago. We shared hundreds of meals, your appetite always good We drove in the mountains, you telling your ancient stories We stayed up late watching the news when the fire was burning Everything but the stones up at Walker Ranch.

We shared Christmas together at the Unitarian Church, You with your walker unabashedly claiming a seat in the first row, the guest of honor. And you, joyfully looking at me with family eyes on Christmas day And so disappointed when I had to go And you kicking me out of your home a few days later calling me an unsavory type with your ninety-six year old wrinkled finger. Later after I snuck in the back door, You asking me if weve gotten rid of him? And you telling me to run from this woman with children And stay free like the mule deer that come and go at will from the garden And you telling me a fortnight later Oh why dont you marry her and get it over with. And you mumbling about God one cold January night and reminding me of the way home. And you one day tired of the routine and deciding to die. And me watching you slowly deteriorate And me putting your walker in the garage And me adjusting your wheelchair And me spoon feeding you And me,we,us changing your chucks and wiping your butt.

And me,we,us helping you onto the commode And me,we, us watching you lie there calm and struggle with letting go And me, we, us praying singing, blessing you at your request. And me,we,us speculating on dying, how and when And me,we,us watching you lie there calm, breathing, distant and not getting up again and me,we,us holding you as you reached for the beach of stars breathing your last breaths at 2946 15th street and me,we,us left holding your stiff, little, well used body along with our sadness and happiness and fears about living and making a living and wondering what we all just went through All I can say is you have added to my life, With your kindness, your orneriness, your madness, your heart, your feistiness Your gift to us all, of opening to living and dying and caring and connecting. Violet its been a royal treat I thank you a hundred times over. Romance You and I Snowflakes falling After we all thought it was spring Cloud filled sky gives us time to be in bed Loving you, time and space evaporate Im seventeen again, full of passion Mind dissolving into fragments of you and me In this reality and others Loving you is like a snowflake That never touches the ground I dont know what day it is I dont know who I am Smiling at you in a sea of white The kisses are never ending. Tamarindo Up early after sleeping through a Tamarindo Saturday night Ear pounding, my foot damaged on the beach Leaving the hotel we are confronted by a red legged crab He rises up and threatens us with red jagged pinchers As we come closer he retreats to a hole in the crumbling garden wall We must look like giant monsters to this cute crustacean Muddy puddle ridden streets slow our journey to see the local doctor He is already attending to someone, A foolish girl who has snorted the white death And almost ended her time here. Im next, he has dark hair, dark skin, medium build, Speaks good English but mumbles a lot.

With two earaches and his low self esteem I only hear pieces of the diagnosis I m in the company of compassion, Kimberly And lucky for me she is taking care of me in every way The doctor works on me, flushing and draining There is no rush like up North We spend over an hour with him but he cant get me clear Off to the super Mercado for ear drops We are 2000 Calonnes short We take a break at the local resturante to savor a plate of huevos rancheras Seems like the perfect place to practice our salsa dancing right there in the aisle Waves rolling in Lazy morning sun Breathing in ocean breezes And her beauty I feel fortunate Im reconnecting with life. Monteverde The sweetest pineapple I have ever tasted Fresh vegetable pizza kissed with tasty garlic Our glasses keep filling up with delicious red wine We are melting into earthly bliss In our ecstasy we share some meat With a canine under her chair He whimpers in delight Im getting closer to love Her name is Kimberly Eruptions of passion occur twice daily Massaging each other for hours Strolling down rocky roads weve never seen Listening to sounds weve never heard Language we dont understand Our time here is a kaleidoscope of sensuality Eating, touching, Breathing each other into ecstasy. Tabacons Volcano Further south than I have ever been Flower and bush dominate this land Moss and vine hanging from every limb Los Caballos take us to the foot of the dark mothers mouth Spitting out boulders she is unhappy with Smoke dribbling down the mountain As rock tumbles like marbles To the overgrown green below Heavens white covering the mothers orifice We only see her neck Small brown vaquero Is our gracious host He is gentle kind, soft spoken Spider monkeys pose playfully for pictures We revel in their buffoonery Beautiful toucan singing her song at the top of the forest Im speechless in a land That seems like a dream to me.