Katherine E. Stoner - Using divorce mediation: save your money & your sanity

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Page i Using Divorce Mediation Save Your Money & Your Sanity by Attorney-Mediator Katherine E. Stoner N O L O P R E S S B E R K E L E Y

Page ii Your Responsibility When Using a Self-Help Law Book We've done our best to give you useful and accurate information in this book. But laws and procedures change frequently and are subject to differing interpretations. If you want legal advice backed by a guarantee, see a lawyer. If you use this book, it's your responsibility to make sure that the facts and general advice contained in it are applicable to your situation. Keeping Up to Date To keep its books up to date, Nolo Press issues new printings and new editions periodically. New printings reflect minor legal changes and technical corrections. New editions contain major legal changes, major text additions or major reorganizations. To find out if a later printing or edition of any Nolo book is available, call Nolo Press at 510-549-1976 or check our Website at www.nolo.com. To stay current, follow the "Update" service at our Website at www.nolo.com . In another effort to help you use Nolo's latest materials, we offer a 25% discount off the purchase of the new edition of your Nolo book when you turn in the cover of an earlier edition. (See the "Special Upgrade Offer" in the back of the book.) FIRST Edition MAY 1999 Editors STEPHEN ELIAS AND ROBIN LEONARD Illustrations MARI STEIN Cover Design TONI IHARA Book Design TERRI HEARSH Production SARAH TOLL Proofreading KARYN S. DICASTRI Index NANCY MULVANY Printing BERTELSMANN INDUSTRY SERVICES, INC. Stoner, Katherine E., 1947 Using divorce mediation : save your money & your sanity / by Katherine E. Stoner. p. cm. Includes index. ISBN 0-87337-511-4 1. Divorce mediation--United States. I. Title. HQ834.S76 1999 306.89--dc21 98-54389 CIP Copyright 1999 by Katherine E. Stoner. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Printed in the U.S.A. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the prior written permission of the publisher and the author. Reproduction prohibitions do not apply to the forms contained in this product when reproduced for personal use. For information on bulk purchases or corporate premium sales, please contact the Special Sales Department. For academic sales or textbook adoptions, ask for Academic Sales. Call 800-955-4775 or write to Nolo Press, Inc., 950 Parker Street, Berkeley, CA 94710.

Page iii Acknowledgments First, special thanks to Martina Reaves, mediator, colleague and friend, who read and commented on every chapter at least once and sometimes twice, who put me in touch with the wonderful folks at Nolo, and without whom this book would not have been written. I am also indebted to my mentors and cotrainers at the Center for Mediation and Law, Gary Friedman and Jack Himmelstein, for their pioneering insights into mediation and the nature of conflict, for their support and friendship, and for their insightful help with portions of the book. Thanks, too, to my editors: Steve Elias, whose steady confidence, good humor and superb editing shaped the book from its earliest beginnings, and Robin Leonard, who so gracefully and artfully put the finishing touches on the manuscript. I am also very grateful to the following people who generously took the time to critique drafts of various chapters: Dana Curtis, Mary Duryea, Catherine Jermany Elias, Judith Joshel, Patricia McDermott, Kristin Orliss, Maude Pervere, Tony Roffers and Susan Walker. Last but far from least, my eternal gratitude to my partner Michelle Welsh for her unwavering support, and to my son Joseph Manildi and the rest of the family for their interest and encouragement. Dedication To my clients, whose courage and commitment to the possibility of resolution have taught me so much.

Page v Table of Contents I Introduction A. Why Mediate? Consider the Alternative I/2 B. Divorce Decision Continuum I/4 C. Why Mediation Can Be Your Best Option I/5 D. Getting the Most out of This Book

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