Steven N. Peskind - Divorce in Illinois: Understandable Answers to Your Legal Questions

An Addicus Nonfiction Book

Copyright 2014 by Steven N. Peskind. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopied, recorded, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. For information, write Addicus Books, Inc., P.O. Box 45327, Omaha, Nebraska 68145.

ISBN 978-1-938803-66-6

Typography Jack Kusler

This book is not intended to serve as a substitute for an attorney. Nor is it the authors intent to give legal advice contrary to that of an attorney. The information contained in this book is for general informational purposes only and should not be relied upon or considered legal advice applicable to a specific legal matter.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Peskind, Steven N.

Divorce in illinois : understandable answers to your legal questions / Steven N. Peskind.

pages cm - (Divorce in)

Includes index.

ISBN 978-1-938803-66-6 (pbk.)

1. DivorceLaw and legislation--IllinoisMiscellanea. I. Title.

KFI1300.P47 2013

346.7730166dc23

2013023219

Addicus Books, Inc.

P.O. Box 45327

Omaha, Nebraska 68145

www.AddicusBooks.com

Printed in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To my clients past and present, who inspire me daily to be the best lawyer possible.

Index

F ew authors publish without the help of others. I am no exception. First, thanks to Rod Colvin from Addicus Books for giving me the opportunity to write this book. I appreciate his trust in me.

I want to thank my personal editor and paralegal Ann Fick for her help. The rest of my team pitched in as well. Thanks to Michelle Alexander, Vazken Kazandjian, Emily Rapp, Jon Ibarra, Allison Ptak, and Ian Pfeifer. This group of people shares my commitment to excellence and I couldnt do it without them.

Thanks to all the lawyers, judges, writers, and academics who constantly seek to improve family law. No area of law influences so many, and, by extension, society at large.

My family always inspires. Much of my success comes from my wife Susans encouragement and brilliance. My children and grandchildren (welcome Miles!) keep me smiling and striving to go further. Undoubtedly, I am blessed by having them all in my life.

A pproximately 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. There are many theories why: no-fault grounds make it easier to divorce, many women have become less economically dependent on their husbands, and the American familys breakdown are all frequently cited as the basis for the divorce epidemic. But the fact remains: divorce happens, and it happens all too frequently.

What is a successful divorce? The expression seems contradictory. By definition, divorce suggests failureanything but success. But the truth is that people survive divorce every day, and many have learned the secrets of the successful divorce. When you control your emotions and focus on the future in a positive way, you, too, may achieve a successful divorce. Life doesnt always turn out the way you want, but if you stay optimistic and focus on a positive future, you can survive most anything.

I have been practicing divorce law for nearly thirty years. During that time, I have seen many divorce tragediespeople engaged in destructive behavior, irreparably hurting themselves and their children. But I have also seen what I would call victories. I have witnessed courageous people who, despite being crushed and hurt to their very core, brush themselves off and start down a positive path to rebuild their future.

What are some of the mistakes I have seen? First, people invite disaster when they refuse to get emotional help. Many resources are available: counselors, life coaches, therapists, and physicians can all help you survive emotionally through this time. Those who refuse to get help often make poor choices, acting on emotion rather than reason. Recognize that this may be one of the most difficult periods in your life, and many people are there to help.

Lawyers have a vital role in helping you through the divorce process. Unfortunately, if you get the wrong lawyer, it may affect you the rest of your life. I have a friend who once told me clients and their lawyers often resemble each other, not physically but temperamentally. Angry people hire angry lawyers, and smart people get smart lawyers. There may be some truth to this anecdote. Even if you are angryand you may have a right to be angry-find a lawyer who will help moderate your emotions rather than exploit them.

Lawyers who jump at your command and dont discuss the consequences of poor decisions are not doing you a favor. Even though it may feel empowering to have a personal attack dog, you will be left with the consequences of your poor choices long after that lawyer is gone. Find an emotionally mature lawyer who will help you make good decisions. This doesnt mean that you need to be passive and accept whatever your spouse throws at you. Dont be a victim! But choose your battles wisely with the help of a thoughtful and experienced divorce lawyer.

Similarly, dont look for a lawyer who will be your best friend. You probably have enough buddies, and your lawyer must maintain enough objectivity to evaluate your case critically. Emotionally, you may feel like you are in a sinking ship and you may want your lawyer to get into the boat with you, but if the lawyer does that, both of you will drown. The lawyer needs to stay dry, stand on the pier, and throw you a lifeline. Good lawyers balance advocacy with empathy and temper their actions with common sense. Dont ask your lawyer to give up his or her objectivity.

Knowledge is power. I hope this book will empower you. Divorce law is complex, and each divorce case is different; there is not a single right answer to every question. Further, divorce law is always in a state of flux, with new laws being passed regularly by the Illinois legislature. Divorce and family law are very fluid areas of law. Developments regularly occur. Because of this fact, we have created a page on our website that regularly posts significant updates to the law. Please visit: www.peskindlaw.com and link to the page entitled legal updates.

A t a time when your life may feel like its in utter chaos, sometimes the smallest bit of predictability can bring a sense of comfort. The outcome of your divorce may be unknown, but there is one part of your divorce that does have some measure of predictability, and that is the divorce process itself.

Most divorces proceed in a step-by-step manner. Despite the uniqueness of your divorce, you can generally count on one phase of your divorce following the next. Sometimes just realizing you are completing stages and moving forward with your divorce can reassure you that the process will come to an end.

You may find that by developing a basic understanding of the divorce process, you wont be confused when your attorney starts talking about depositions or going to trial. Such insights can reduce your frustration because you understand why each step is needed. It will support you to begin preparing for what comes next. Most importantly, understanding the divorce process will make it easier to go through a divorce.

1.1 What steps are taken during the divorce process?

The divorce process in Illinois typically involves the steps listed on the following two pages.