Calistoga Press - The Divorce Survival Guide: The Roadmap for Everything from Divorce Finance to Child Custody

Copyright 2014 by Calistoga Press, Berkeley, California

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 U. S. Copyright Act, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Requests to the publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, Calistoga Press, 918 Parker St., Suite A-12, Berkeley, CA 94710.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: The publisher and the author make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this work and specifically disclaim all warranties, including without limitation warranties of fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales or promotional materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for every situation. This work is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering medical, legal, or other professional advice or services. If professional assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought. Neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for damages arising herefrom. The fact that an individual, organization, or website is referred to in this work as a citation and/or potential source of further information does not mean that the author or the publisher endorse the information the individual, organization, or website may provide or recommendations they/it may make. Further, readers should be aware that websites listed in this work may have changed or disappeared between when this work was written and when it is read.

For general information on our other products and services or to obtain technical support, please contact our Customer Care Department within the United States at (866) 744-2665, or outside the United States at (510) 253-0500.

Calistoga Press publishes its books in a variety of electronic and print formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books and vice versa.

TRADEMARKS: Calistoga and the Calistoga Press logo are trademarks or registered trademarks of Callisto Media Inc. and/or its affiliates, in the United States and other countries, and may not be used without written permission. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners. Calistoga Press is not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book.

ISBN: Print 978-1-62315-379-3 | eBook 978-1-62315-380-9

Introduction

W hether or not you were the one to initiate a divorce, youre now committed to a major life changeone that will likely alter your living situation, your relationships with friends and relatives, and the time you have with your children. Divorce is never easy, but if you arm yourself with knowledge and understand the essential steps you must take to protect yourself, moving forward can be just a bit easier.

This book provides the information you need to understand the divorce process in the United Statesfrom an overview of the legal procedures that are used throughout the court system to the kinds of things you will need to do to extricate yourself from your marriage. It also tells something of a cautionary tale, detailing what you can do to protect yourself from the games that spouses sometimes play to get whatever property and custody they feel they deserve.

The federal government leaves divorce up to the states, so every state in the country has its own divorce laws. At the back of this book, youll find resources that provide overviews of the laws in all fifty states, which will help you navigate quickly to the information you need to begin your divorce process. If the state laws do not make sense to you, consult a legal professional.

While this book is not a substitute for legal counselnor does it provide legal adviceit does provide sound, practical information about mediation and attorneys, protecting your children, the kinds of legal questions to expect, and tools you can use to get yourself through the divorce process and start your new life.

Your emotional well-being is every bit as important as your financial and parental stability, and this book provides some perspective to help you understand the emotional hurdles you are about to surmount. The better prepared you are for whats ahead, the better you will be able to overcome it and the better your footing will be when you begin your new, single life.

PART ONE

Divorce 101

CHAPTER ONE

Taking the First Steps

Youve just made one of the most difficult decisions of your life: You and your spouse are getting a divorce. Perhaps you made this decision by yourself months or even years ago, but now your cards are on the table and youre ready to move ahead. Or perhaps your spouse made the decision, and now youre shaken, feeling betrayed and alone when you thought youd both made a lifetime commitment. Regardless, once you and your spouse have agreed to divorce, just about everything in your relationship will change. You may have lost trust and respect for your spouse, and there may be woundsfrom infidelity, abuse, continuous conflict, or abandonmentthat will take years to heal, if they can heal. Its hard to imagine that a greater challenge than deciding to divorce may be in your future, but sometimes that can be the case.

Holding on to your self-esteem and keeping your priorities in order can be extraordinarily difficult as you go through the legal process of divorce. You and your spouse will each come away with only part of the belongings and treasures you shared as a couple. You may need to sell your home and leave a neighborhood you know well, and your standard of living may become lower than the one to which youve become accustomed. The practical considerations may overwhelm the emotional ones in fairly short order, and while divorce is rarely pleasant, it can be the beginning of a new life.

I Want a DivorceWhat Now?

The legal process of divorce will be uncomfortable at best and contentious at worst, and it will have an effect not only on you and your spouse, but also on your children, your family, and your friends. Most importantly, divorce will change the relationship you have with your spouse forever; if you have children together, you will continue your relationship in one form or another for the rest of your life. While this can all seem daunting, know that you are not alone. The United States has the sixth-highest divorce rate in the world, according to statistics gathered by DivorceRate.org.

American divorce rates are much higher for couples who marry in their teens or early twenties, with rates as high as 36 to 38 percent for couples who are twenty to twenty-four years old on their wedding day. Rates drop remarkably for couples who marry in their thirties: only 5 to 6 percent of couples who marry when they are thirty-five to thirty-nine years old get divorced, while 8.5 to 11.6 percent of couples who marry in their early thirties eventually split. While media outlets regularly report that 50 percent of all marriages in America end in divorce, this figure has dropped significantly over the last several years, coming in closer to 41 percent in 2012.

Wherever you and your spouse fall in this spectrum, you will become part of a long tradition of ending marriages within the American legal system.

How to Prepare for the Divorce Process

While your marriage has been about love, communication, building a life together, passion, and raising childrenat least it was in the beginningyour divorce will be about money, property, and custody. This is the reality of the legal system, and it can be a painful one, especially if youre feeling the wrenching emotions that come with a spouses surprise announcement that your marriage is over.