Peter Favaro - Smart Parenting During and After Divorce: The Essential Guide to Making Divorce Easier on Your Child

PETER J. FAVARO, Ph.D.

Copyright 2009 by Peter J. Favaro. All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

ISBN: 978-0-07-159756-2
MHID: 0-07-159756-5

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This book is dedicated to the memory of my
loving parents, Peter and Josephine.

THIS BOOK IS the product of my more than two decades of experience helping to educate divorced and divorcing parents, most of whom have come to me through the New York Unified Court System.

I have been a court-appointed expert, custody evaluator, mediator, and therapist in more than six thousand cases over the past twenty-two years. In that time I have developed hundreds of practical strategies to help divorced and single parents deal with the universal problems encountered when sharing and managing custody of children.

Some of the information I present is common sense, but it's not the kind of thinking that comes naturally to people embroiled in highly emotional conflict. Of all the behavior that I have observed in working with families going through divorce, I have been most struck by the confusion and sadness a poor co-parenting relationship can bring to a child. I want to help you avoid that.

Parents who don't want to spend all of their time and money going to court can find nonadversarial methods for resolving custody and visitation conflicts. You and your co-parent can be successful in raising your child to become a happy and productive member of society.

This book contains helpful information, strategies, and resources on visitation, communication, conflict resolution, anger management, scheduling of holidays and visitation, decision making, the effects of divorce on children at different ages, the influence of a parent's social life on children, negotiating under both good and bad circumstances, and much more.

The information is arranged by topic so that you can quickly find help relevant to your particular situation. This book is written in plain, no-nonsense language, without fluff or psychobabble.

The book also includes over a hundred tips or "takeaways"bite-sized pieces of advice that I hope will make you and your child enjoy each other and the time you spend together a lot more!

Life during and after divorce doesn't have to be as difficult as we sometimes make it. I'd like the chance to show you that you can make your co-parenting relationship work for the sake of your child.

:Smart Parenting During and After Divorce

:The Common Threads of Conflict

:Assessing Your Level of Conflict

:The Art of Avoiding War: How to De-Escalate Conflict

:Seek Neutral Input to Solve Problems

:How to Negotiate with a Reasonable Co-Parent

:How to Communicate with a Reasonable Co-Parent

:How to Negotiate with a Jerk

:How to Communicate with a Jerk

:How to Keep Your Cool: Anger Management

MOST PARENTS KNOW that the quality of their relationship with one another during and after the divorce process will influence the psychological adjustment of their childrenbut often they forget it.

I ask every set of parents who come to see me the same set of questions. First, I ask whether they are sure that they love their children and would do anything to ensure that they grow up healthy and well. Predictably, both say, "Of course."